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When do I meet the young man and when is it a REAL DATE?

Posted by on Jan. 1, 2014 at 6:25 AM
  • 7 Replies

 My daughter is 15 and has never had a boyfriend. She gets together with a group of friends that have both guys and girls. Some of them are couples. I only know two of the girls in the group. Should I insist on meeting the rest of the group?  Also, one of the young men seems to like her but has not formally asked her out.  Sometimes when the group gets together to go someplace, it ends up that my daughter and this boy and another "couple" are the only ones going.  I drive her and pick her up and its not really a date, but do you think the young man will think that it is?  If they were a couple I would have different rules, but sometimes I think the rules should apply to these group outings also???

by on Jan. 1, 2014 at 6:25 AM
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by Silver Member on Jan. 1, 2014 at 6:37 AM

You don't need to 'insist' on meeting the rest of the group - but I would offer to have a pizza/movie night and casually scope everyone out. It's a lot easier than forcing yourself to meet them and possibly making your DD have an awkward moment lol! My rule with my eldest (who is 22) was that if she was going somewhere public (like a movie theatre; event; carnival) WITH a group then I didn't have to meet EVERYONE - I just had to see that there was at least one person I had personally met there; but if she was hanging out with one person individually; I had to know them. That was the rule when she was at someone's house. I had to meet the teen who lived in the house (and preferably the parents) but I didn't particuarly CARE about everyone else. As for the 'two couples' thing, I would ASK her again if he's asked her out; teens DO lie about stuff to avoid the rules and possible chaperoning that will occour afterwards. She may be reasoning to herself that if they're not officially dating (or if she hasn't TOLD you they're officially dating) then she's not technically breaking any rules. I would (again) have a group get together at yours and casually strike up conversations during the pizza and meet everyone and get to know them. Worked with my daughter's friends and they never knew my intentions.

by on Jan. 1, 2014 at 7:02 AM

 Thank you for your reply!  The main reason that I said that I might have to "insist" on meeting the group is that my daughter NEVER has invited the group over.  They go to two of her good friends houses each time.  I do know both of her girlfriends parents well.  My daughter says she is afraid that if she has a group over that I will say or do something to embarrass her by hovering around and talking to her friends.  I guess I have never known a stranger and she has always been a little backward socially, but she has blossumed this year!  I promised her that I wouldn't do anything to embarrass her, but so far she doesn't believe me yet!  LOL

by Bronze Member on Jan. 1, 2014 at 11:40 AM

Teens date differently now than when we were thier age. They HANG OUT a lot the new term for dating. I know we insisted on meeting the young man if it was a one on one date. I remember one date in particular that she was getting ready to go out on. DD had recently turned 16 and was going to the movies with someone she met at track that went to a different school. She was told he would come to to door to get her at it wasn't hollywood no honking and running. When she texted said young man he was well aware he needed to come to the door to get her(he was 18).

My house was the hang out house so we had teens around all the time watching movies playing games or just hanging around talking. I knew most of the couples even if they didn't say they were a couple. Teens don't seem to put  the same label on things we did and don't seem to date in the traditional way. They TALK,HANG OUT then maybe DATE.  I wouldn't insist on meeting the said young man unless they actually want to spend time alone. If that becomes the case tell her to invite him over for movies or such just to meet him then leave them in the family room or rec room to watch thier movie but kep an eye on them.

by Kimberly on Jan. 1, 2014 at 12:20 PM

I would ask her to invite them all over.   If she is hanging out with the same group frequently, you should at least meet them.

by on Jan. 1, 2014 at 2:48 PM

I would meet the whole group of friends and that way you aren't singling this one boy out. It's a rule that I know all the friends my kids are out with, exspecially at 15.

by Susie on Jan. 1, 2014 at 3:41 PM
I would wait to see how things go. My house was the hang out house so a non issue here.
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by on Jan. 3, 2014 at 9:30 AM

Have them hang out at your house one night. Do pizza and a movie etc 

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