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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

What will work?

Posted by on Jan. 7, 2014 at 10:47 AM
  • 9 Replies

My 15 yo daughter had been telling us every time that she got a D- that she had retaken the test and when we would ask her down the road then why hasn't the D-'s been changed she would say the teacher hasn't graded them yet.  This happened with 3 D-s several times  and now she has an F on a test.  She has told us she has gone to her Science teacher for help during class time and those were lies too. I would take her in  every morning on Fridays we wonder was she actually there with you getting help or what was I making special trips for? How would u consequence these actions and all her lies??  Her grade has gone down to a C- now.  She can still play basketball so we can't take that away.  Her final grade has to be an F to be taken out of the game.

by on Jan. 7, 2014 at 10:47 AM
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Replies (1-9):
atlmom2
by Susie on Jan. 7, 2014 at 10:55 AM
2 moms liked this
Send an email to the teacher and get it confirmed and ask what she can do to raise it up. Find out if she ever went for help. I would ground her from friends or fun for 2 weeks. No phone or computer for fun for 2 weeks. That is what I used to do. I hate lying. Cannot stand it.
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Not_A_Native
by Bronze Member on Jan. 7, 2014 at 11:33 AM

Set up a meeting with the teacher, you and her. Find out about it - those things she told you probably ARE true - and just because she got extra help, doesn't mean her grade will automatically go up.

You can also try a tutor.  It worked for my kids (the schools were terrible in the way they taught math).

boys2men2soon
by Kimberly on Jan. 7, 2014 at 12:03 PM

Talk to the teacher.   Does she post grades online?  If not, ask for a weekly grade report.    You can also accompany her to her retakes of the test and to her Friday morning sessions.  

As for the lying....   take away her free time and social life!




Renilia
by Member on Jan. 7, 2014 at 2:20 PM

I would make her go straight home after school and do her homework and study somewhere where you could keep an eye on her like a dinning room table. No computer, friends, phone or fun till she can bring her grades up. Personal I hate lying and my children know if they lie they are in serious trouble. She needs to get her grades up before she does end up getting taken off the team at school.

drfink
by Emily on Jan. 7, 2014 at 2:47 PM

 I agree with emailing or meeting with the teacher.Ask where she is lacking .It could be understanding the info or it could be not knowing the work.

I would remove electronics and social activities.Set up a short schedule ...when tutorials are attended and all work done with effort things are returned.When we have done this we do it on a week by week basis.It gets immediate reaction for us,Once they earn stuff back they keep it but we check grade speed on a regular basis....so cause and effect is immediate ....do what is supposed to be done all is good ,don't and privileges lost.

gdiamante
by Bronze Member on Jan. 7, 2014 at 3:31 PM


Quoting cat4458:

My 15 yo daughter had been telling us every time that she got a D- that she had retaken the test and when we would ask her down the road then why hasn't the D-'s been changed she would say the teacher hasn't graded them yet. 

This is where you contact the teacher. Every time.

This happened with 3 D-s several times  and now she has an F on a test.  She has told us she has gone to her Science teacher for help during class time and those were lies too. I would take her in  every morning on Fridays we wonder was she actually there with you getting help or what was I making special trips for?

And again, you contact the teacher.

How would u consequence these actions and all her lies??  Her grade has gone down to a C- now.  She can still play basketball so we can't take that away. 

Yes you can. Just because she's eligible doesn't mean you have to allow it. YOU are the parent. You can tell the coach this is the consequence for lying.

Her final grade has to be an F to be taken out of the game.

That's merely the school's rule. You get to overrule that one.

Meet with the teacher and the coach and your daughter. Between the lot of you, cme up with a game plan. If she's in a course that's too difficult, get her transferred to one she can do better in.

JessicaR7
by Member on Jan. 7, 2014 at 3:40 PM

 I would tell her to get with the teacher and figure out what she needs to do to raise the grade.  It is her grade to raise and she knows your expectations.  As a consequence, she does homework at the dining room table or kitchen island while you cook dinner or whatever until that grade comes up.  Your daughter needs to make the initiative to come up with a plan with her teacher...I don't feel having the teacher keep your informed is necessarily her job.  I believe in placing the accountability with the child so they can be responsible for their actions. You won't take word of mouth either...that confirmation comes through progress, report cards, or an email from the teacher.  The lying; there was a reason for the lying and you need to know what that is.  Make it clear that you don't like being lied to and I think you want to give her a consequence specifically addressing the lying.  For instance, how many times did you drive up to the school for her fake tutoring sessions...I would incorporate that into the number of days without her cell phone and if she can go that time period without lying to you then you will discuss giving her back her phone.  Lying is a tool she is using to a solve a problem she has in which she fears the truth will get her into trouble.  Good luck!

thetrollcat
by Member on Jan. 7, 2014 at 11:55 PM

LOL well... My niece is a troubled teen I recently took her in this summer and the first thing I told her is, you have to maintain a C or higher in school. She too was getting D and lower on her English. I asked her she too lied tried to say her and a friend study together blah blah. Oh whatever... Truth is she wasnt studying (they are quizzed weekly on vocabulary words). So to correct the behavior she loses her cell phone until she spends minimal of 15-30 minutes studying her spelling worlds. 

In a week time she managed to go from failing the quizzes to getting 100%. She is required to bring the work home DAILY and study 5 days a week until her grade is a C when we get her final report card. Dont care if shit is graded or not. Dont want me to force you to study then keep your grade up.

I have a feeling my niece will be keeping her grades up now....

my2kidsmom9498
by Bronze Member on Jan. 8, 2014 at 9:29 PM
Set up a meeting with the teacher. I am sure she can help your dd get a tutor as well.
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