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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

Helping through friendship troubles

Posted by on Jan. 14, 2014 at 10:50 PM
  • 6 Replies
Would like some advice. I received such great feed back on my first post that I wanted to bounce another issue off of you.

My dd has a best friend and they've been best friends for three years. Her friend is moving on and meeting new friends and dd isn't a part of this new circle. Although dd has reached out and met some new friends - she is so sad because she feels that her BFF doesn't like her anymore. I personally believe she is taking things too personally. Being sensitive. Kind of over exaggerating the situation. But how do I support her and try to get her to understand that this is likely not about her personally? This is about friends grow and change and it doesn't mean she didn't anything wrong.

This is worse than a break up. Three years of being best friends and doing everything together. Although like I said she has met new friends she has not found that one best friend again where her first best friend has already replaced her.

I try to offer suggestions but those won't work or she's already tried or she doesn't want to.

Any advice?
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by on Jan. 14, 2014 at 10:50 PM
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Replies (1-6):
woodswalker
by Member on Jan. 15, 2014 at 6:14 AM

Sorry, I have no help.  Just give it time.  My daughters best friends change all the time too.  The constant ones??   Two boys she's very close with.   There's no drama with her male friends.  Just lots of fun and laughs . 

Carmen66
by Member on Jan. 15, 2014 at 7:31 AM

I beleive she should just move one, friends come and go and she wil find another friend. If her friend was truly her friend she will stick by her. Girls are like that, once they find a new cirlce they forget who their real friends are.

bemadre
by Member on Jan. 15, 2014 at 8:21 AM

I have 3 children.  My oldest, a son who is now 24, had no friend drama.  My middle child is a 20-year old daughter.  Her friend group changed through the years and her BFF since kindergarten migrated to a different group of girls when they were in high school.  They are still close and plan to be in each other's weddings, when the time comes, but the sister-like friendship they had when they were young is over.  Fortunately, this daughter is very social so it was not a big deal to her when she and her friend grew apart.  And then there is my youngest child, a 17 year-old daughter who often complains she 'has no friends'.  She exaggerates because she DOES have several friends but, like my older daughter, her former BFF has ventured out beyond their friendship to move among other groups of friends.  My point in all of this?  It really depends on the personality of your child as to how they react to shifting friendships.  If they are confident and friendly, they WILL find other friends and grow meaningful relationships.  If, on the other hand, they are shy, it may be difficult to move on when a friend leaves you.  Don't make your daughter feel bruised or different.  Assure her that it is hard being young but there are nice people out there and she will find friends if she just stays true to herself and is open to meeting new people.  You sometimes have to put yourself out there.  And this applies to adults too.  I don't have a personality that people naturally gravitate toward because, like my youngest daughter, I am shy around new people.   You really just have to be happy with yourself before you can find happiness with others.

atlmom2
by Susie on Jan. 15, 2014 at 8:42 AM
Something kids have to deal with. Friends come and go especially in HS. Saw so many of my dd's friends. Now 20 yo talks to most of her hs friends still. DD 22 talks to one out of 25 still. 1 to 2 years out of hs they all moved on or she did.
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Niccalyn
by Bronze Member on Jan. 15, 2014 at 7:42 PM

None of my girls (17, 14 and 9) have ever had just one best friend.  They all have multiple close friends who they see regularly.  If they start to not get along as well with one friend, they have another friend they can call on.  All the friends end up going back and forth with one another.  This is how I remember my circle of friends being in high school as well.  I would organize get-togethers at your house where your daughter can invite over all of her new friends, so she can get to know all of them and become better friends.  There is no rule that says you have to have ONE best friend!

momof2ex1
by Member on Jan. 15, 2014 at 8:17 PM
Yes I am aware that there is no rule. I have been trying for years to get my dd to meet new friends. She has some social anxiety. She is not a social butterfly. I've been telling her all this time that she needs to branch out (without telling her I knew this day would come)

I like the idea of having her invite friends over. She's never had any other friends over. Not bc I don't want her to it's just time constraints. She goes to her dads every other weekend. So it's been hard to coordinate. But I think it's time to have some friends over. Thanks for the advice!

Quoting Niccalyn:

None of my girls (17, 14 and 9) have ever had just one best friend.  They all have multiple close friends who they see regularly.  If they start to not get along as well with one friend, they have another friend they can call on.  All the friends end up going back and forth with one another.  This is how I remember my circle of friends being in high school as well.  I would organize get-togethers at your house where your daughter can invite over all of her new friends, so she can get to know all of them and become better friends.  There is no rule that says you have to have ONE best friend!

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