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Stepson and Porn

Posted by on Jan. 17, 2014 at 11:12 AM
  • 12 Replies
My 14 yr. old stepson doesn't live with us, but he does visit sometimes. He lives with his mother and her husband. I have 12 yr old, soon to be 13 yr old, twin daughters.
My husband recently bought his son (my stepson) a new laptop. I didn't think it was a good idea to get a 14 yr old boy a computer. On the new computer, the new software tracks and notifies my husband about every site that is visited. Well, the obvious occurred...his son had visited several porn sites and inappropriate YouTube videos. I'm beyond sickened.
I understand that it's natural for a teen boy to look at porn....blah, blah, blah. I already don't really care for him. This just makes it worse. His dad called him and his mother about it. I'm going to send a text to his son. Just the thought of him looking at porn, and I have daughters, makes me sick to my stomach. I didn't grow up like that. Am I wrong for being grossed out and pissed?
I want to say something to him about it. I don't see anything wrong with saying something to him about it. I'm just going to stress that inappropriate sights are not allowed in MY home.
by on Jan. 17, 2014 at 11:12 AM
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Replies (1-10):
lucky2Beeme
by Gold Member on Jan. 17, 2014 at 11:19 AM
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I would say something along the lines of when you are here I want you to feel at home. because this is your home also. In our home we have rules. One rule you are breaking is with the porn . it needs to stop. TODAY ! If it continues I will take the laptop until you are ready to leave or I will ask you not to bring it~~ your choice.













Surround yourself with people that add to your life not subtract from it.

terpmama
by on Jan. 17, 2014 at 11:28 AM
1 mom liked this

Let dad deal

atlmom2
by Susie on Jan. 17, 2014 at 11:35 AM
2 moms liked this
Take the computer. Those sites are full of viruses too.
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umm.yeah
by Member on Jan. 17, 2014 at 11:48 AM
2 moms liked this

I would say let his Dad deal with it.  But you guys are within your rights to not allow the laptop to be used in your home unless it is in a public room.  But then again, if he is accessing the porn while with his mom, you really have no say in the matter.

jrice110
by on Jan. 17, 2014 at 11:51 AM
My stepson doesn't have internet at his home. He was taking the computer to a friend's house to look at the porn.
atlmom2
by Susie on Jan. 17, 2014 at 11:53 AM
When mine were teens they didn't have smart phones or laptops. We only had desktops.
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Niccalyn
by Bronze Member on Jan. 17, 2014 at 1:20 PM

I think this is GREAT, but I really, really, really believe it should come from his Dad.  He probably already knows you don't like him much, try not to damage the relationship further.  He will grow up one day and hopefully you can have a relationship with him then.  Just be VERY clear with your husband about your expectations in this regard!

Quoting lucky2Beeme:

I would say something along the lines of when you are here I want you to feel at home. because this is your home also. In our home we have rules. One rule you are breaking is with the porn . it needs to stop. TODAY ! If it continues I will take the laptop until you are ready to leave or I will ask you not to bring it~~ your choice.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


 

Udella
by on Jan. 17, 2014 at 6:49 PM
1 mom liked this

Give him a  break - he's a 14 yr old boy. He needs rules and guidelines though. Did you not have any brothers? No matter how churchy they are almost all boys try out porn, even if its 1 dirty magazine and never again.

a) they are sexual beings - they are wired to be excited about anything naked or close to naked...or honestly anything

b) giving a 14 yr old his own laptop without close parental monitoring is naive. I'm glad you have tracking software, that's a good step. I personally sat down daily at our 'kid' computer and monitored everybody's website traffic. I found some pretty unsavory stiff on our younger son's account so the first step was to blaock those sites through our router...the next time he went to that site he got a nice little message which popped up say ' The administrator has blocked this site'  (that way he knew that we knew) We had to repeat this a number of times because he'd stop for a while and be embarassed and then eventually try again..

c) Then my Husband had a short, sweet talk with my stepson/his son how we understand he has sexual feelings but those sites were not respectful to women and don;t represent reality. This to a boy who was already having regular sex with his girlfriend wee felt fairly sure. Proof that no matter how much he was getting, porn is addictive and hard to stay away from once the habit is started


I think you are wrong for being so judgmental. I hope you don't express to him directly that you are grossed out and pissed off by him. Texting him would be immature - if you want to have a discussion with him - do it face to face. It would be telling him that something he feels naturally and cannot control yet is dirty or bad. He will be utteringly mortified already since his mom and dad know...another adult coming down on him won't be helpful. This is your chance to put your arm around him and say..sweetie, we'll get through this...and don;t talk about it again. Hep him focus on other hobbies and healthier  age appropriate things.


PS - Girls looks at porn to...might want to watch yours. They can be equally curious and doing 'research'

GleekingOut
by Silver Member on Jan. 17, 2014 at 8:47 PM

This. Mine did a lot too. More than most of the guys her age.

Quoting Udella:

PS - Girls looks at porn to...might want to watch yours. They can be equally curious and doing 'research'


my2kidsmom9498
by Bronze Member on Jan. 17, 2014 at 9:51 PM
1 mom liked this
I am sure your husband will inform of the rules. Think about why you want to say it? You already stated you don't like him, is this text going to help the situation?
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