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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

Desperate for help!!!! PLEASE READ

Posted by on Jan. 28, 2014 at 11:10 AM
  • 13 Replies

 

I am new to this group and need help! A little background: I have an 18 year old daughter that is diagnosed with ADHD, major depressive disorder, and bi-polar with borderline personality disorder traits. She was also hit by a car almost 7 years ago and sustained a traumatic brain injury that has made all of these issues worse. She was also diagnosed with epilepsy a week ago. Also, has been a cutter for about 6 years. The dilemma: she has gotten into smoking weed every day and spending all her money from work on drugs. She has even got so bold to smoke it in her bedroom in our house. Her therapist said that drug usage on a regular basis could impact the transmitters in her brain that will affect her to feel joy, also it can trigger seizures. She is extremely disrespectful to me and our house, no consequence works for her and I am at a total loss!!!! If she didn't have all of these issues there is no doubt in my mind that I would ask her to move out and am struggling with that. What would your advice be? Would you go ahead and kick your child out because they just don't care about anything you say and won't follow the rules that you have?

by on Jan. 28, 2014 at 11:10 AM
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Replies (1-10):
okiemamaCyndi
by New Member on Jan. 28, 2014 at 11:18 AM
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Wow - what a hard situation you're in mom.  No idea what I'd do, but illegal drug use in the house is a deal-breaker for me.  If she doesn't follow house rules it seems she's making the decision to leave - not you.  This is a tough one - hoping things get better!

irishlass569
by Member on Jan. 28, 2014 at 11:32 AM
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 Well since I'm sure you've gone over the house rules.  And I'm sure you've had talk after talk about her disrespecting you, the house, drug use, etc.  Medical & mental issues aside, she knows right from wrong and she understands the rules and KNOWS that her behavior is destructive to her self and the family.

I'm going through simular issues with my 16 year old (no drug use but can totally see it on the horizon).  So I can sympathize and I know your pain first hand.

Although I am not telling you what to do, I know what I would do.  Give him a 90 day ultimatum.  You have 90 days to get clean and show some respect or you have to leave.  And I would post a calendar, circle the date 90 days from now and stick to your guns.

Good luck

 

kim8934
by on Jan. 28, 2014 at 11:32 AM
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I agree with okiemama, that's tough.  Marijuana will effect the prescriptions she is using for all her medical issues, especially if they are trying to regulate her medication.  I also know that, teens with depression issues will self medicate with weed, this is very common.

I would suggest you make her doctor aware of the drug use and try to convince her to quit, that can be tough.  I'm not big on kicking kids out, especially with all her problems.  I'd probably look for professional help, possibly from her doctor.

Carmen66
by Member on Jan. 28, 2014 at 11:34 AM

have you tried some type of counseling to help her out??

mlcrec
by on Jan. 28, 2014 at 1:24 PM

 She has been in therapy for years and sees a psychiatrist, they are aware of the drug use, but she isn't going to stop until she is ready and wants to. I have discussed these issues with her over and over again, nothing works.

fantasticfour
by Grumpy on Jan. 29, 2014 at 2:47 AM
1 mom liked this

 Where is she getting the money for drugs?  Since you don't want to kick her out, perhaps a lease would be in order?  She can pay rent which will cut into her weed money, and also put in there that drugs are not to be in the house.  If she is caught with drugs in the house, her rent goes up by X amount of dollars for each infraction.  If she doesn't pay the rent on time (weekly, biweekly, monthly) put a padlock on her door until she comes up with it.  This way she doesn't get to her clothes, makeup, comptuer, etc. and has to sleep in the living room.  Sometimes things like that can help.

RenewYou2
by on Jan. 29, 2014 at 9:15 AM

I think that is an excellent reply!  This allows the daughter to retain some control if she makes good decisions.  Teaches her responsibility. Removes her extra money. etc.  What a tough situation but great tip.

 

  I will have to remember this as my kids get older.

atlmom2
by Susie on Jan. 29, 2014 at 9:24 AM
She would have to move. I would not allow drugs in my home ever and she does not seem to want to change. She needs tough love.
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Love2998
by on Jan. 29, 2014 at 2:17 PM

Kind of know what you are dealing with. I have a 15 yr old, with massive depression, anxeity, mood disorder and OSD. She has been hospitized four times already, she did an overdose of meds and was in ICU for 2 days. She carves on her legs with a pencil, history of smoking weed. I feel alone cause no one has no idea what I am going threw and at the same time I have no idea what she is going threw.

I wish I had advise for you with your 18 yr old. I am sure this is really hard for you. I

mlcrec
by on Jan. 29, 2014 at 3:10 PM

 She has a job, which is where she gets the money. I am taking steps to make her pay for some things that will take away some of her money.

Quoting fantasticfour:

 Where is she getting the money for drugs?  Since you don't want to kick her out, perhaps a lease would be in order?  She can pay rent which will cut into her weed money, and also put in there that drugs are not to be in the house.  If she is caught with drugs in the house, her rent goes up by X amount of dollars for each infraction.  If she doesn't pay the rent on time (weekly, biweekly, monthly) put a padlock on her door until she comes up with it.  This way she doesn't get to her clothes, makeup, comptuer, etc. and has to sleep in the living room.  Sometimes things like that can help.

 

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