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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

My daughter confessed, saying she feels ashamed?

Posted by on Feb. 4, 2014 at 1:18 AM
  • 20 Replies

I was spending some time with Bailey, my oldest daughter, when she opened up about her and Justin getting seriously intidimate. She confessed that she slept with him, and she started to cry saying she feels like she did something terrible, even though they used condoms.


I'm not quite upset. Disappointed, yes.

But as a mother I realise she's going to fly away from the nest someday. I just want to know how to get her to stop feeling so ashamed about something that is so natural. I know they love each other, they've been together for a year and a half. 

by on Feb. 4, 2014 at 1:18 AM
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Replies (1-10):
atlmom2
by Susie on Feb. 4, 2014 at 2:45 AM
1 mom liked this
How old? If she is 16 she should feel ashamed. It is natural for adults. Not natural for kids to have sex. My opinion. Others may not agree. I am glad mine were over 18 or even older as were dh and I. Teen love is hard without sex, let alone with sex and feeling the guy just wanted them for sex.
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NicoleJudy
by on Feb. 4, 2014 at 2:49 AM
6 moms liked this

I disagree with that above poster. No matter her age she shouldn't feel ashamed. At 16 (in Australia anyway) she is legally allowed to have sex, and it IS perfectly natural at that age.

I'm sorry your daughter feels ashamed. Maybe she was just worried that you would think less of her? I hope you find a way to ease her mind!

fantasticfour
by Grumpy on Feb. 4, 2014 at 8:15 AM
4 moms liked this

 Wow and I completely disagree with both of the above posters.  If she is feeling ashamed, perhaps you misread her feelings towards this boy.  I would delve deeper in why she feels ashamed.  Was she pressured?  By him or society?  It is obvious she wasn't ready to have sex if she is so ashamed of it.  13, 16, 19, 21, doesn't matter.  If you are ashamed of having sex, you weren't ready for it. 

atlmom2
by Susie on Feb. 4, 2014 at 8:41 AM
1 mom liked this
If it was so natural then it would be acceptable and all teens. If you are not ready for a baby don't have sex. So sick of teen pregnancy that is 100% preventable.

Quoting NicoleJudy:

I disagree with that above poster. No matter her age she shouldn't feel ashamed. At 16 (in Australia anyway) she is legally allowed to have sex, and it IS perfectly natural at that age.

I'm sorry your daughter feels ashamed. Maybe she was just worried that you would think less of her? I hope you find a way to ease her mind!

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Carmen66
by Member on Feb. 4, 2014 at 8:53 AM

if she felt so terrible, why did she do it in the first place?

NicoleJudy
by on Feb. 4, 2014 at 8:58 AM
2 moms liked this
You do realise that for most of human history is has been acceptable for teenagers to procreate?

That, in fact it was the expected time for people to have children? Just because society has moved away from that (thanks, in large part to medical advancements that have prolonged our lifespan) doesn't mean that our bodies have.

Biologically, hormonally, etc it IS perfectly natural for teenagers to want to have sex.

Quoting atlmom2: If it was so natural then it would be acceptable and all teens. If you are not ready for a baby don't have sex. So sick of teen pregnancy that is 100% preventable.



Quoting NicoleJudy:

I disagree with that above poster. No matter her age she shouldn't feel ashamed. At 16 (in Australia anyway) she is legally allowed to have sex, and it IS perfectly natural at that age.

I'm sorry your daughter feels ashamed. Maybe she was just worried that you would think less of her? I hope you find a way to ease her mind!

atlmom2
by Susie on Feb. 4, 2014 at 9:02 AM
1 mom liked this
100+ years. Ago when life expectancy was like 40. Modern times are way different. Teens took care of themselves without welfare too. Teens cannot today or most can't. They make parents raise the babies.
Wanting and having restraint are 2 different things. It wasn't hard and I had a boyfriend for 3 years in hs. Respecting your body and yourself goes a long way today.

Quoting NicoleJudy: You do realise that for most of human history is has been acceptable for teenagers to procreate?



That, in fact it was the expected time for people to have children? Just because society has moved away from that (thanks, in large part to medical advancements that have prolonged our lifespan) doesn't mean that our bodies have.



Biologically, hormonally, etc it IS perfectly natural for teenagers to want to have sex.



Quoting atlmom2: If it was so natural then it would be acceptable and all teens. If you are not ready for a baby don't have sex. So sick of teen pregnancy that is 100% preventable.





Quoting NicoleJudy:

I disagree with that above poster. No matter her age she shouldn't feel ashamed. At 16 (in Australia anyway) she is legally allowed to have sex, and it IS perfectly natural at that age.

I'm sorry your daughter feels ashamed. Maybe she was just worried that you would think less of her? I hope you find a way to ease her mind!

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NicoleJudy
by on Feb. 4, 2014 at 9:21 AM
I totally agree with you. I'm not saying it's logical or smart or responsible, I'm just saying that it's NATURAL for teenagers to want to have sex. It's not a rebellion. Their bodies are telling them "now is the time!"

Quoting atlmom2: 100+ years. Ago when life expectancy was like 40. Modern times are way different. Teens took care of themselves without welfare too. Teens cannot today or most can't. They make parents raise the babies.

Wanting and having restraint are 2 different things. It wasn't hard and I had a boyfriend for 3 years in hs. Respecting your body and yourself goes a long way today.



Quoting NicoleJudy: You do realise that for most of human history is has been acceptable for teenagers to procreate?





That, in fact it was the expected time for people to have children? Just because society has moved away from that (thanks, in large part to medical advancements that have prolonged our lifespan) doesn't mean that our bodies have.





Biologically, hormonally, etc it IS perfectly natural for teenagers to want to have sex.





Quoting atlmom2: If it was so natural then it would be acceptable and all teens. If you are not ready for a baby don't have sex. So sick of teen pregnancy that is 100% preventable.







Quoting NicoleJudy:

I disagree with that above poster. No matter her age she shouldn't feel ashamed. At 16 (in Australia anyway) she is legally allowed to have sex, and it IS perfectly natural at that age.

I'm sorry your daughter feels ashamed. Maybe she was just worried that you would think less of her? I hope you find a way to ease her mind!

Niccalyn
by Bronze Member on Feb. 4, 2014 at 1:11 PM
2 moms liked this

I think I would talk to her about why she feels ashamed.  Perhaps she wasn't really as ready as she thought she was?  If that is the case, let her know that it is 100% okay to take a step back and let her boyfriend know it was a mistake, because it is too soon for her. Just because she's already done it, doesn't mean she has to keep doing it!  If he truly loves her he will understand and accept it. 

cybcm
by Bronze Member on Feb. 4, 2014 at 2:52 PM
2 moms liked this

Physiologically teens are 'ready', you really can't argue that. Socially is different but socially also depends on upbringing, personal values, mentality, knowledge on the subject and societal norms where you live. It's not "one size fits all" and to argue that it is makes little sense.

Why does she feel ashamed? Is it because she didn't want to, or is it because of the above things I mentioned, does she feel like her parents had expectations of her to wait? Has she been taught something in school that teaches shame for sex? Is society around her teaching her that her value as a human being is based upon whether she has had sex or not?
All very important things to think about.

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