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Frustrated*****Edited for reply*****

Posted by on Feb. 5, 2014 at 12:18 PM
  • 9 Replies

I just want to scream. My 15 year old is becoming such a.......urg a teen. He is my step son, but i have legal guardianship over him due to some problems with his BM. I have tried to set boundries for him, but all he does is disrespect everything i have put into him. We used to be so close. His curfew is 11 on all electronics (I homeschool him) He always stays on his phone, I have tried to take it away, etc doesnt work, he has been grounded from everything before and it doesnt work. I have tried uping his responsiblites so that he can have more privlegdges etc but he just decides not to do them period. When I tell him to do his school work he rolls his eyes and gets an attitude. He doesnt have alot of school stuff to do and the deadlines for his assignments are not unresonable. His chores are trash, and the litter box. Yesterday i took the battery out of his phone and held it hostage until he cleaned up his area in the living room (which took him an hour after 55 mins of attitude and gripping)

Im thinking he is depressed or something but when we go see someone he either just tells them whatever, or something so he doesnt have to go back. I had to block pic text on his phone because of the types of pics he was sending and recieving. He has even started to back talk his grandmother. My husband is just as bad as he is when it comes to attitude (which im sure isnt helping him as far as a role model is concerned). Im at my wits end. I dont know what to do anymore. 

by on Feb. 5, 2014 at 12:18 PM
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Replies (1-9):
Hannahluvsdogs
by Silver Member on Feb. 6, 2014 at 10:28 AM

It sounds like homeschooling isn't working, is public school an option?

ItsaJOB
by on Feb. 6, 2014 at 1:24 PM

You husband needs an attitude adjustment NOW.  You can't possibly gain any respect if your husband doesn't show any.  It is a losing battle and the two of you need to address this with someone immediately.  Holding your son's battery should be a constant consequence for not doing his chores.  He will know that every time he doesn't do them, he loses the phone battery (or phone, entirely).  Set a time they are to be done by, with NO attitude from him (but your husband can't be having one, either!).  Good luck.

Barabell
by Barbara on Feb. 6, 2014 at 9:53 PM

I was thinking the same thing. Sometimes having responsibilities and deadlines outside of the home environment can teach valuable life lessons.

Quoting Hannahluvsdogs:

It sounds like homeschooling isn't working, is public school an option?


gdiamante
by Silver Member on Feb. 7, 2014 at 12:42 AM

I'd put him in a school. Homeschooling is great when it works but with this kid, it's not working. I'd also disconnect the cell phone.

JerrysMom2011
by on Feb. 7, 2014 at 6:07 AM

We tried to do public schooling and that makes it worse because he just spends his days at in school suspension, or is actually suspended from school. He doesnt do his work either and is constantly in trouble. I pulled his this past year out because he had 3 semesters of F's when he came to live with me. He is 15 but in the 8th grade. I didnt want him being to far back in age difference in high school to his classmates because of how tough and mean other highschoolers can be. I didnt want him eventually dropping out and ending up like so many teens do in my area. He even wanted to be homschooled. I have altered the way it done etc and nothing works (ive also posted something similar in the homeschooling thred)

Yesterday we had a "truth session" where he got to voice what his problems were (all of  which were just complaining of things he had to do) then it was my turn. I told him in order to get respect you have to earn it, and just explained my reasonings behind certain things (like saying the "n" word all the time, when he is a ginger even ). Tried explaining that we are trying to prepare him for the adult world and trying to show him you cant say things like that all the time especially in a work place and the way he acts and the way he is wont fly in the real world (i know he has to learn it the hard way).

The aunt that got him the cell phone, i talked to her and she has yet let me take it away. She says since she bought it, she is the only one able to take it away. She has blocked pic messaging for me because of the sexting and pic messaging that he was sending. One time his father took away the phone and she called the cops on him saying it wasnt his to take away etc, so ever since then we are not allowed to take it away per say.  The years contract is almost up so i think im going to give him til that time to show me he can have a cell phone or i will not give permission to have another one or upgrade it (right now he just has a "app phone") Til then i will have to do the battery thing etc. 

My husband has a pending assult and battery charge for attacking him and me. My husband is just as lazy and...whatever. I try and set my boys straight but i can only do so much, im only one person. My ss was worse living with his BM, she let her bf beat him with a belt while she watched and laughed. Which is why he came to live me. He has alot of problems and im trying to help him through them. Im trying to show him not everyone in this world is cruel and evil.

ForeverLawst
by on Feb. 7, 2014 at 7:54 AM

I don't often say this, but you guys ALL need to spend some time in counseling. There are so many red flags in your last post that I can't possibly give you good advice. One thing I would do is mail that freaking phone back to the aunt. Sure, she bought it for him, but YOU are the parents and ONLY you get to make the rules. I don't care who gave my child a gift, if I don't allow it, it's going back. 

Carmen66
by on Feb. 7, 2014 at 8:02 AM

First of all your husband needs to grow the hell up and take care of this matter. If he is the way you say he is why are you still there? It seems like you have taken alot of the home responsibility while he sits there and does nothing about it. Put your foot down and let both of them know that you had it and its time for a change or time to leave. Sorry, I just hate the fact that you are going through this with no help. do you have anywhere to go to get help?

JerrysMom2011
by on Feb. 7, 2014 at 8:06 AM

well i have a plan of action in place. I dont want to stay, i have a two year old and a 7 month old as well that he doesnt really help with. But thats a whole nother topic and a whole nother discusion lol. My husbands way of taking care of the problem is hitting, throwing and getting mad..which is why he has the assult and battery charge on him in the first place. With my husband its either he is calm or he is either pissed. My SS has a temper just like his father and when the two collide its ww2. I hate aguring in my house, especially around the younger kids. Its my number one rule, no yelling, screaming or cursing at one another in front of the little ones. 

Quoting Carmen66:

First of all your husband needs to grow the hell up and take care of this matter. If he is the way you say he is why are you still there? It seems like you have taken alot of the home responsibility while he sits there and does nothing about it. Put your foot down and let both of them know that you had it and its time for a change or time to leave. Sorry, I just hate the fact that you are going through this with no help. do you have anywhere to go to get help?


Carmen66
by on Feb. 7, 2014 at 8:15 AM
1 mom liked this

Well i hope your plan goes through, having children that small aroud that environment is no ggod. Good luck and I will say a prayer for your and your family.

Quoting JerrysMom2011:

well i have a plan of action in place. I dont want to stay, i have a two year old and a 7 month old as well that he doesnt really help with. But thats a whole nother topic and a whole nother discusion lol. My husbands way of taking care of the problem is hitting, throwing and getting mad..which is why he has the assult and battery charge on him in the first place. With my husband its either he is calm or he is either pissed. My SS has a temper just like his father and when the two collide its ww2. I hate aguring in my house, especially around the younger kids. Its my number one rule, no yelling, screaming or cursing at one another in front of the little ones. 

Quoting Carmen66:

First of all your husband needs to grow the hell up and take care of this matter. If he is the way you say he is why are you still there? It seems like you have taken alot of the home responsibility while he sits there and does nothing about it. Put your foot down and let both of them know that you had it and its time for a change or time to leave. Sorry, I just hate the fact that you are going through this with no help. do you have anywhere to go to get help?



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