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Staying one step ahead of manipulative teens

Posted by on Feb. 7, 2014 at 1:32 PM
  • 15 Replies

My SS16 has never been an angel and although we'd love to trust him, he has learned how to be deceitful and manipulative by some of his smarter and more experienced friends.  You know the ones, who have learned the art of twisting the truth to get their way.  Who tell their trusting parents they are spending the night at one friends house so they can go out with some unapproved friend and stay out all night.  

DH and I have been fighting against this for the past couple of years, but it's exhausting.  First we require that we speak to the parents of every friend SS has over or spends time with so we can always close the loop in information.  For example, if SS asks to sleep over a friends house, we always contact that friends house to make sure they are aware of this and set any guidelines.  Then we let SS know that we can and will I contact the parents to check on them.  I know this may sound overprotective but we just want our kids to stay safe.

The other day SS told us this sob story so that his friend could come over (when SS was grounded and not allowed to see his friends).  He tried to make it sound like his friends parents weren't home and she was scared to be alone and could she come over until her parents got home.  Not wanting to be heartless, DH started to say okay, but I let SS know we were going to call her parents to find out when they would be home.  Before I could call SS back pedaled and said his friend texted and said her brother was on his way home and that she no longer needed to come over.  Sometimes I get so exhausted trying to stay one step ahead.  

Does anyone have any other tricks or tips to stay one step ahead of these plotting teens?  

by on Feb. 7, 2014 at 1:32 PM
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Replies (1-10):
butzi
by Member on Feb. 8, 2014 at 6:22 PM
Does your stepson live with you full time or does he split time between homes?
8chickens
by Member on Feb. 8, 2014 at 7:01 PM

Overprotection and trying to get involved in every aspect of a young adults life will always blow up in your face.

Barabell
by Barbara on Feb. 9, 2014 at 5:38 PM

IDK, but it sounds like you're already on top of it. So I can't think of any suggestions.  Sorry.

Linagma03
by Member on Feb. 9, 2014 at 7:39 PM

This

Quoting Barabell:

IDK, but it sounds like you're already on top of it. So I can't think of any suggestions.  Sorry.


not-the-momma
by on Feb. 10, 2014 at 4:55 PM

He lives with us full time.  A friend of mine had a lot of issues with her SS because he used to say he was staying at his Moms house but since the parents weren't speaking the child would go out all night with friends and get into all sorts of trouble.  Then it was a fight between the parents as to whose fault it was that the kids got in trouble.  

Quoting butzi: Does your stepson live with you full time or does he split time between homes?


not-the-momma
by on Feb. 10, 2014 at 4:58 PM

Perhaps, but I want him to know we care and are paying attention to who his friends are and what he is doing.  There's a fine line between overprotection and suffication.  We want him to know that as long as he's honest with us (which he's starting to not be) he'll get more freedoms.  

Quoting 8chickens:

Overprotection and trying to get involved in every aspect of a young adults life will always blow up in your face.


butzi
by Member on Feb. 10, 2014 at 6:52 PM
Here's the thing... It's really important not to confuse him with your friend's kid. Talk to him about expectations, consequences, and rewards for going above and beyond. Make sure that you let him know that you have clear belief in his ability to meet your hopes for him and ask him about his expectations for himself and the family so that he feels that he has a voice.

Quoting not-the-momma:

He lives with us full time.  A friend of mine had a lot of issues with her SS because he used to say he was staying at his Moms house but since the parents weren't speaking the child would go out all night with friends and get into all sorts of trouble.  Then it was a fight between the parents as to whose fault it was that the kids got in trouble.  

Quoting butzi: Does your stepson live with you full time or does he split time between homes?


Debmomto2girls
by Member on Feb. 10, 2014 at 7:28 PM

This.

Quoting 8chickens:

Overprotection and trying to get involved in every aspect of a young adults life will always blow up in your face.


Debmomto2girls
by Member on Feb. 10, 2014 at 7:29 PM

You are suffocating him and expecting the worst.  It is almost like setting him up to lie.  I would back off until he gives you a reason not to.  He probably thinks you do not trust him at all.

Quoting not-the-momma:

Perhaps, but I want him to know we care and are paying attention to who his friends are and what he is doing.  There's a fine line between overprotection and suffication.  We want him to know that as long as he's honest with us (which he's starting to not be) he'll get more freedoms.  

Quoting 8chickens:

Overprotection and trying to get involved in every aspect of a young adults life will always blow up in your face.



navyjen
by Member on Feb. 11, 2014 at 11:56 AM

When you have a kid who is always plotting and planning you have to stay on top of it.  

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