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Advice Needed: Found out my son is gay But has never been...

Posted by on Feb. 10, 2014 at 12:24 AM
  • 19 Replies

Found out my 17 yr old son is gay. But has never been with a boy. He is often depressed because even though he has opened up, he feels he can't be himself openly at home. He says he wants to be happy, and do certain femine looks. He knows we love him regardless. But he is now uncomfortable feeling he has to hide his feminine ways from family. Me, his dad , 2 younger brothers, one older brother. Saying we won't accept him if he is being himself. We would treat him funny. How do I handle this? Is it okay aroung younger siblings? I'm stressed and don't know how to deal with it. But we talked about me loving him and being able to come to me about anything.

by on Feb. 10, 2014 at 12:24 AM
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Replies (1-10):
atlmom2
by Susie on Feb. 10, 2014 at 12:47 AM
3 moms liked this
He needs counseling to figure out who he is and learn to be himself and feel comfortable.
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cybcm
by Bronze Member on Feb. 10, 2014 at 2:32 AM
2 moms liked this

I don't see anything in what you have written that would suggest that he needs counselling or that he doesn't know who he is. Clearly he knows, however he feels uncomfrotable expressing who he is. It's hard, very hard to be completely yourself around people who you feel may judge you for that, especially if they are people you love and whose approval matters to you.

You sound wonderfully supportive, but is everyone else? His father and brothers primarily? Are his brothers likely to pick on him, whether that be in 'good humour' or not? How has his father reacted to the news?

Carmen66
by Member on Feb. 10, 2014 at 8:23 AM
1 mom liked this

First thing you do is get counseling. have a family meeting and have him express his feeling to all of you. He is not comfortable and that is why he is depressed. Tell him you guys are okay with how he wants to live his life.

boys2men2soon
by Kimberly on Feb. 10, 2014 at 10:21 AM
1 mom liked this

Counseling.  Individual and family.




Niccalyn
by Bronze Member on Feb. 10, 2014 at 11:19 AM

I think I'd look into PFLAG (Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays).  They can provide support and insight and hopefully get him to a point where he feels more comfortable in his own skin when with the family, and the family feels comfortable with HIM.  https://www.pflag.org/

Gmgej
by Member on Feb. 10, 2014 at 9:13 PM
1 mom liked this

Talk talk talk make homosexuality, an ok subject. keep the lines of communication open. My son came out when he was 17, and self loathing is hard enough without being in a home where you feel uncomfortable. Talk to other members of the home to make sure everyone is ok and will treat him well. reassure him, tell him how much you love him, endlessly. Contact your local PFLAG for support. Being in a safe home makes all the difference for youth coming out.

LovingParent08
by Member on Feb. 11, 2014 at 1:57 AM
1 mom liked this
I also think that family and individual counseling may help all of you.I would keep reinforcing that all of you love him unconditionally and allow him to be himself around all you.
nana776
by Member on Feb. 11, 2014 at 2:52 AM
1 mom liked this
Quoting cybcm:

I don't see anything in what you have written that would suggest that he needs counselling or that he doesn't know who he is. Clearly he knows, however he feels uncomfrotable expressing who he is. It's hard, very hard to be completely yourself around people who you feel may judge you for that, especially if they are people you love and whose approval matters to you.

You sound wonderfully supportive, but is everyone else? His father and brothers primarily? Are his brothers likely to pick on him, whether that be in 'good humour' or not? How has his father reacted to the news?

fammatthews4
by Trisha on Feb. 11, 2014 at 8:31 AM
1 mom liked this

How did everyone react when he came out?  Is everyone supportive?  You need to talk to him and get to the bottom of why he feels uncomfortable being himself. If this doesn't help then yes counseling (individual,family, or both) may be needed

huntersmom1007
by Member on Feb. 11, 2014 at 4:40 PM
1 mom liked this

Is there any groups in your area that he can belong to where he could be himself? 

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