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Pornography

Posted by on Feb. 11, 2014 at 1:22 PM
  • 17 Replies

DS is 13 (technically heis my ex step brother but I am his legal guardian and have been for a number of years)

And well the topic of porn has come up.

What do you do/say? because me and SO have nothing against it but we are adults and have made informed discisions about it and see it for what it is (in that it isn't 'real') which DS obviously isnt/can't.

Do you have rules? what do you say/do?

Also I dont want to expose him to the big bad world that is online but heck he is a 13 year old boy 

by on Feb. 11, 2014 at 1:22 PM
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Replies (1-10):
MidwestMama55
by on Feb. 11, 2014 at 1:41 PM

Wondering if this is a serious question or a troll post. In the event you are serious, I think you have some serious questions to address in you own behavior before you can start to address them in your child. And yes, 13 is a child.

StreetsAhead
by Member on Feb. 11, 2014 at 2:01 PM

No it isn't a toll post.

I know 13 is a child but equally he can have sex legally in 3 years and I'm really conscious of being open with him (something I really didnt have) So I feel on edge about just dismissing his questions and things but equally I know that 13 he isnt ready for all the things about sex in all forms . 

Does that make more sense?

Quoting MidwestMama55:

Wondering if this is a serious question or a troll post. In the event you are serious, I think you have some serious questions to address in you own behavior before you can start to address them in your child. And yes, 13 is a child.


MidwestMama55
by on Feb. 11, 2014 at 2:11 PM
2 moms liked this

A bit yes. I'm all in favor of being open and discussing things with kids regarding sexuality. But discussing it and condoning it are different things. There has been a great deal of research regarding the permanent negative effects of pornography on the brain of kids, actually up until about age 25. Exposure to porn at young ages can permanantly destroy chances at normal loving relationships. You may want to look into it. That being said, if something is so damaging to developing brains, why is it a good idea for anyone (adults) to view it?

We chose to go the research route, and it worked well for us. Good luck. It's a difficult thing - as anyone with a smartphone can access free porn.

I'm sure i'll get peltered for my response, but i'm honestly trying to help you, so i'll take the chance!

Quoting StreetsAhead:

No it isn't a toll post.

I know 13 is a child but equally he can have sex legally in 3 years and I'm really conscious of being open with him (something I really didnt have) So I feel on edge about just dismissing his questions and things but equally I know that 13 he isnt ready for all the things about sex in all forms . 

Does that make more sense?

Quoting MidwestMama55:

Wondering if this is a serious question or a troll post. In the event you are serious, I think you have some serious questions to address in you own behavior before you can start to address them in your child. And yes, 13 is a child.



Lorena
by Member on Feb. 11, 2014 at 2:16 PM
2 moms liked this
My boys have not asked about nor even seen porn. We have a 0 tolerance in our house for it.
zacmacsmomm
by Bronze Member on Feb. 11, 2014 at 7:57 PM
1 mom liked this

I would say that it's NOT appropriate for childrens eyes, he is still very much a child

StreetsAhead
by Member on Feb. 12, 2014 at 11:34 AM

Fine. But what do you say? as he has asked about it

Quoting zacmacsmomm:

I would say that it's NOT appropriate for childrens eyes, he is still very much a child


MidwestMama55
by on Feb. 12, 2014 at 11:55 AM
1 mom liked this

Depends. What specifically is he asking?

Quoting StreetsAhead:

Fine. But what do you say? as he has asked about it

Quoting zacmacsmomm:

I would say that it's NOT appropriate for childrens eyes, he is still very much a child



StreetsAhead
by Member on Feb. 12, 2014 at 12:04 PM

It all ! or at least it seems like it 

What Bits are like real sex? Are photos/gifs different to watching videos? is it okay if it is free? Is it okay to watch - now or ever? Is it okay if he is with friends and they are mucking around? What if he is intriqued is it okay then? 

Basically if you can think of a question about porn he is asking it 

Quoting MidwestMama55:

Depends. What specifically is he asking?

Quoting StreetsAhead:

Fine. But what do you say? as he has asked about it

Quoting zacmacsmomm:

I would say that it's NOT appropriate for childrens eyes, he is still very much a child




MidwestMama55
by on Feb. 12, 2014 at 12:11 PM
1 mom liked this

"What bits are like real sex?"   None.

"Are photos/gifs different to watching videos?"  No

"Is it OK if it's free?"  Only if you want rot your brain and ruin all hopes of a good sexual relationship with a real woman someday.

"Is it OK to watch - now or ever?"  IMO - No. But since you and your husband watch, that's a difficult thing to answer for you.

"Is is OK if he is with friends and they are mucking around?"  Again, No.

"What if he is intrigued is it OK then?"  Normal to be curious, but again, no.

Other thoughts - at his age, it's alot like drugs. At first, anything will produce the "high".  But it will continue to take more and more to produce the same "high", more and more extreme. Porn for a teenage boy (and some adults) is very addictive. So i'd tell him his question is kinda like "is it OK to do herion?"


Do some research about the addicitive and damaging effects of porn consumption, particularly by youth. Share this research with him. Then he is in an empowered position to make healthy decisions for himself.

Good luck.

Quoting StreetsAhead:

It all ! or at least it seems like it 

What Bits are like real sex? Are photos/gifs different to watching videos? is it okay if it is free? Is it okay to watch - now or ever? Is it okay if he is with friends and they are mucking around? What if he is intriqued is it okay then? 

Basically if you can think of a question about porn he is asking it 

Quoting MidwestMama55:

Depends. What specifically is he asking?

Quoting StreetsAhead:

Fine. But what do you say? as he has asked about it

Quoting zacmacsmomm:

I would say that it's NOT appropriate for childrens eyes, he is still very much a child





Susie2U
by on Feb. 12, 2014 at 12:15 PM

 get some parental blocks that allow him not to get on the bad sites

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