Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Angry Teen Girl = Upside Down Household

Posted by on Feb. 15, 2014 at 11:25 PM
  • 18 Replies

Never in my experience with my daughter did I ever think we, as close as we are, would be at this point.  It is as if she overnight has changed into a different person...

It began last week, when she threw a temper tantrum, stating she was PMSing and wanted to stay home from school.  Mind you, she is a good student and has NEVER behaved like this before.   I let her stay home, thinking she would snap out of it by morning... Instead, it has been a week of hell... Yelling, disrespect, cussing (she NEVER cusses at me), totally out of control behavior, that has now caused my home to turn upside down.  It just isn't her... This is not my life.  Painfully, it is...

Lots more enlightenments as I tried to figure out what was wrong... I come to find out she and her friends had found an old stash of Neurontin and were taking it to "get high"... I am heartbroken... Reading the side effects of those damn things could explain away her neurotic behavior, but it has been two weeks she says since her stunt... The side-effects should be gone.  She is still at it.  How could anyone want to stay angry at the world for that long?  Why would anyone want to?  She has lots of good friends, which unfortunately she has alienated by this bout of adolescence.  They are too young to understand "emotionally unstable" (a term my daughter herself chose to call it).  She has good ol' mom who loves her more than life, but she's too busy being hostile and angry at mom to see the love that is there.

She was, just two weeks ago, telling me how happy she was, and how she loved her life, and thanking me for everything I has provided her with.  Now, not a shred of happiness in her eyes, as if she has been possessed by the devil.  Arguing with me, dictating to me, telling me to shut up, that she hates me...  As I rise each morning, I walk on eggshells wondering what state she is going to be in.  Whether she has come to terms with her mood swing and has chosen not to let it get her down.  She is a brilliant girl, very intuitive and insightful.  Whatever this is, it has taken over her spirit.

I hate to say it, but sometimes I wonder if she likes being "sick"... the attention she gets, claiming tota lack of responsibity for her actions and behaviours.  "I can't help what I say or do... I'm crazy mom!"  I don't believe it, but I must ask where did all of this anger and hate come from?  Why is it still here?  Why does she "want to die?"   Tonight, we had another confrontation, as I asked her why she was somewhere she was not supposed to be.  "Whatever's no big deal.  Why are you making it a big deal?"  I swear, some of the manipulation tactics are impressive.  And then the clincher, "I hate you and want to kill myself"...  

So I go online to see where I can get some help.  I tell her, as it says in advice columns, that I understand her pain, and that I will get her help, and that I love her.  She then says, as if her tantrum is over, "oh mom I don't need any help.  I'm fine."  One minute a literal 3-year-old's tantrum kicking and screaming and flailing arms, and the next, as with the end of a 3-year old's tantrum, she is calm and in bed.

In my heart I know she's in there somewhere. Where did my daughter go?

by on Feb. 15, 2014 at 11:25 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
by Silver Member on Feb. 15, 2014 at 11:54 PM
1 mom liked this

Durg test her it randomly every few days.

Get her to a therapist.

She would have total house arrest/restriction for a month or until she has been 100% clean for a month. then I wold allow small freedoms.

I would make her volunteer somewhere - maybe a homeless shelter, youth drug program, etc. My kids are required to keep busy. With school, chores, volunteer work and Scouting thre isn't a lot oftime for them to be out screwing around.  

ETA: We went through my oldest dealing with depresion last year when DH and I werre considering a divorce. He stopped doing school work, hid out in his room all the time, was saying suicidal things, being hostile especially to me, etc. He even ran away from my parent's house because the agreement of him going to visit was tht he do school work while there. (We homeschool but use a school charter). Therapy and talking and finding constructive things to do saved his life. He took anti-depressants for a while but has weaned off and is back to being an A/B student and the great kid I know nd love.

Jinx - Homeschooling, Scouting & Karate butt-kicking  Mom to Life Scout Ian 1/982nd Class Sean 9/00, Junior GS Heidi 4/03. Wife to Joe & Alpha to German Shepherd Spazz.

by on Feb. 16, 2014 at 12:27 AM

Thank you Jinx.  That is some very good advice, and concrete solutions. I truly appreciate your efforts in responding.

Congratulations on your son's accomplishments!

by on Feb. 16, 2014 at 12:39 AM
1 mom liked this
That's some heavy duty meds for a child that doesn't need them. Are you sure she hasn't taken them more recently then you think? You might want to contact a physician. Your not supposed to cold turkey off those kind of meds so I'm not sure but that could be the cause of her behavior. They are ment to alter how the brain reacts. I would deffinetly get her counseling and agree with the momma above me, get her involved in something to help keep her out of trouble.
by on Feb. 16, 2014 at 1:09 AM

Heathers, yes I was shocked.  When I found out, I went online and read the side effects of Neurontin.  It matched her symptoms exactly.  I am seeking professional help and appreciate your input.

Thanks to all for your support.

by on Feb. 16, 2014 at 3:37 AM
1 mom liked this
She needs a drug assessment ASAP with a drug and alcohol counselor that works with adolescents. Too many young teens die in our practice from overdose on prescription drugs. Mixing any different types or amounts can be DEADLY. call a hotline TODAY to get a referral in your area. Rx Pills are not marijuanna. They are dangerous and many times lethal.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by Member on Feb. 16, 2014 at 5:43 PM

You are her parent. It does not matter if she says she is "fine". It is obvious she is not.

She needs help ASAP.

Get her to a doctor immediately for a physical evaluation.

Then to a phyciatrist (experienced with teen drug problems) for a mental evaluation.

by on Feb. 19, 2014 at 3:11 AM
2 moms liked this
I would be taking her to the nearest hospital(preferably psychiatric, if not general) for a psychiatric evaluation immediately. I had similar issues with my 14 year old DD but she never mentioned suicide. We found out through many evaluations, counselors, behavior modification, medication therapy, etc that it was related to her losing her father which basically put her into shock and she shut down. She too went from the happy, loving little girl to an angry, hurtful twin of what used to be my daughter. I thought she was bipolar but she was diagnosed with Deference Disorder where she transfers all the negative she's feeling onto others because she didn't know how not to and it's easier than dealing with it. I am happy to say, I now, after what seemed like forever and what might never come, have my daughter back. It took along time and intensive therapy and work, but it worked. She still has bad days, but she now has the tools she needs to deal with them better and in a healthier way. She's no longer a tornado of emotions and we're not walking on pins and needles around her. We have also learned what her triggers are and how to handle them firmly but sensitively. I know it's rough, but there is hope and you can get her back. Hang in there and don't give up. More importantly, don't let her give up on herself by trying to take the easy way out and not talk about things. Trust your gut and stay strong. Prayers ♡
by on Feb. 19, 2014 at 3:26 AM
2 moms liked this

As someone who used to be on drugs....she's still doing that....or some other type of drug. That's not the only drug that makes you act like I know....I can give you a list of them. She needs a rehab and counseling....who knows how long she was on that before you found out. Kicking an addiction to a drug is hard. She first has to admit that she has/had one....then you can go from there. It's gonna be a long and hard road. A lot of bad nights and crying....but eventually as time goes on they will get better and it will get easier....the good will out weigh the bad. I've been clean for 9 years in July. If you are willing to put in the blood sweat and tears then do it....cause the grass is greener on the other side. Good luck to you....if you have any questions just ta offer some advice if needed....

by on Feb. 19, 2014 at 8:43 AM
1 mom liked this

She is not fine, she is just lying so you can feel better about it. Take her to a hospital right away have her detoxed. As a parent no matter what she says or do you will have to be the one to step up and take matters into your hands.

by on Feb. 19, 2014 at 8:55 AM
She's using drugs. She's clearly not fine. Go to an ER immediately. Do not tell her where you are going. Admit her and let them detox her. Do NOT let her talk you out of letting them admit her!!!! Do NOT let her tears sway you through this process. Being strong and being a parent now means getting this crap out of her system and getting her clean.
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)