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14 year old boy dealing with depression

Posted by on Feb. 19, 2014 at 10:51 AM
  • 12 Replies

Hi.  I'm new here, and thought that I might be able to meet some other moms dealing with similar problems.  My 14 year old son is extremely depressed.  We have been through two years of turmoil due to a job loss.  Things are stable now, but we are moving to rejoin my husband at his new job in Nebraska.  My son is extremely depressed that we are moving.  

We have seen the doctor and seen a therapist, but my son had a really negative experience with therapy a few years ago and is VERY resistant to going.  He was put on an antidepressant, but  right now all he wants to do is hide in his room and skype with his girlfriend.  I've tried everything under the sun to try to get him to interact more, but I am limited in that I have 2 other much younger children and I am on my own as a parent.  His little brother (4) drives him crazy and he doesn't want to go anywhere or do anything with us because he ends up so annoyed and angry with my littlest.  Any advice?


by on Feb. 19, 2014 at 10:51 AM
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Replies (1-10):
ladyluke2007
by Member on Feb. 19, 2014 at 11:02 AM

I have had something a long these lines but with my youngest  daughter.  She too had a bad experience with a therapist and refused to go back, even though we were going to get her a different one.  It took a long time for her to come around.  It took a lot of prayer, talking and finally she got a boyfriend that really talk to her and she trusted him with her inner most thoughts and feelings.  They are engaged to be married soon.  

For a long time I was really worried because she was cutting and doing other harmful things.  I could have lost her.

I know that this doesn't work for eveyone.  It did in our case.

atlmom2
by Susie on Feb. 19, 2014 at 11:58 AM
He needs to see a counselor. We moved our girls in multiple states. They never minded but they knew nothing but moving so that was normal to them. He needs to be in clubs or sports. Anyone is depressed sitting around doing nothing. I would be too.
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Niccalyn
by Bronze Member on Feb. 19, 2014 at 12:46 PM

Has he suddenly taken a nosedive because of the upcoming move, or has his depression been pretty consistent over the entire 2 years?  If it is suddenly worse due to the move, I would try to do everything I could to alleviate his concerns about the move.  If he is worried about being away from his GF, perhaps you could speak to her parents to arrange a visit soon after the move takes place. Same with any close friends he is upset about leaving behind.  If he is worried about going to a new school, arrange for a tour before he actually begins classes.  Look into getting him involved in a team sport so he can have a sense of belonging as soon as he arrives.  Also, if you could get recommendations from trusted friends or relatives, or even his long-term pediatrician, for a new therapist, he might be more inclined to go if he knows the individual is highly recommended by someone he knows and trusts.  Is it possible to get a babysitter once a week so you can have some mother-son bonding time with him?  Just take him to a movie or for a bite of dinner...doesn't have to be fancy or expensive!  Ask some probing questions and be prepared to just listen without lecturing.  I wish you the best of luck--you sound like a great mom and I'm sure you can pull him through this!

amonkeymom
by Amy on Feb. 19, 2014 at 1:14 PM

That's hard.  I think I'd insist that he try another therapist or even a few until he finds one that he feels more comfortable with.

Is he taking his medication?

mountaingirl27
by New Member on Feb. 20, 2014 at 7:37 AM

That's really what his girlfriend is doing for him... He doesn't want to talk to a therapist, he just wants to talk to her.  I'm glad your daughter made it out - so far my son has not done anything destructive to himself or others, he still gets good grades, no substance abuse or anything like that. He's just really sad. I'm hoping that we can look back on it in a few years like you do. 

Quoting ladyluke2007:

I have had something a long these lines but with my youngest  daughter.  She too had a bad experience with a therapist and refused to go back, even though we were going to get her a different one.  It took a long time for her to come around.  It took a lot of prayer, talking and finally she got a boyfriend that really talk to her and she trusted him with her inner most thoughts and feelings.  They are engaged to be married soon.  

For a long time I was really worried because she was cutting and doing other harmful things.  I could have lost her.

I know that this doesn't work for eveyone.  It did in our case.


mountaingirl27
by New Member on Feb. 20, 2014 at 7:40 AM

He was a competitive hockey player for many years, but when you get to the high school level the kids are allowed to check.  He is a goalie and got hit really hard several times and had a concussion once.  He decided that it wasn't worth it to him.  He is very much into rollerblading and does some speed skating clinics, but he doesn't really talk to anybody.  Just does his thing and then right back to talk to his girl.

Quoting atlmom2: He needs to see a counselor. We moved our girls in multiple states. They never minded but they knew nothing but moving so that was normal to them. He needs to be in clubs or sports. Anyone is depressed sitting around doing nothing. I would be too.


mountaingirl27
by New Member on Feb. 20, 2014 at 8:06 AM

More like a sudden nosedive.  He's always been a pretty emotional kid, but we have known that we were going to move for a year.  It didn't bother him until he met the girlfriend.  Visits are pretty out of the question for now because her parents are broke, and we have to get settled in a new house before we can do any traveling.  I wouldn't be comfortable sending him on his own since her family is going through some stuff too. As for the babysitter, I have done that in the past and probably should again - we are really trying to save everything for our move and the babysitter I hired charge $11/hour!  It cost me over $100 to take my son to a movie and McDonalds!

I used to think I was a great mom, but this whole situation has thrown me for a loop.  I'm good with the little kids, but teenagers are hard!

Quoting Niccalyn:

Has he suddenly taken a nosedive because of the upcoming move, or has his depression been pretty consistent over the entire 2 years?  If it is suddenly worse due to the move, I would try to do everything I could to alleviate his concerns about the move.  If he is worried about being away from his GF, perhaps you could speak to her parents to arrange a visit soon after the move takes place. Same with any close friends he is upset about leaving behind.  If he is worried about going to a new school, arrange for a tour before he actually begins classes.  Look into getting him involved in a team sport so he can have a sense of belonging as soon as he arrives.  Also, if you could get recommendations from trusted friends or relatives, or even his long-term pediatrician, for a new therapist, he might be more inclined to go if he knows the individual is highly recommended by someone he knows and trusts.  Is it possible to get a babysitter once a week so you can have some mother-son bonding time with him?  Just take him to a movie or for a bite of dinner...doesn't have to be fancy or expensive!  Ask some probing questions and be prepared to just listen without lecturing.  I wish you the best of luck--you sound like a great mom and I'm sure you can pull him through this!


mountaingirl27
by New Member on Feb. 20, 2014 at 8:08 AM

I'm trying on the therapist thing... unfortunately with the way the healthcare system is, (especially in Florida) it is hard to get an appoint with anybody.. (his first appointment was scheduled in December and we just went last week.) Then you have to deal with whether it's in your insurance network, connected to the pcp... blah blah blah.  Anybody that says that mental health care is readily available is nuts.

Quoting amonkeymom:

That's hard.  I think I'd insist that he try another therapist or even a few until he finds one that he feels more comfortable with.

Is he taking his medication?

  

Niccalyn
by Bronze Member on Feb. 20, 2014 at 11:35 AM

Well, my 14-yo-dd is in a long-distance 'relationship' (I'm so hesitant to call it that at this age!), and they make it work by having a Skype date every single night.  They've known each other for 6 months and made things 'official' over 3 months ago.  They do get to see each other occasionally because they met through the youth group they both participate in, so they have conventions and activities every couple months.  But Skype and texting are what get them through, and they've never lived near each other (he is about 500 miles away).  Maybe if your son knew of some positive stories like that, it would help him to cope better.  Oh!  I just remembered.  A friend's daughter started dating a boy when she was a freshman in high school, and his family moved away the following year.  They stayed together.  She recently graduated from college and she and her high school sweetheart are MARRIED now!  So people can and do make it work.  Try to remind him that if it is meant to be, it will be!  And I hear ya on the babysitter expense--it is crazy!  I think you're doing the best you can, and all you can really do it be patient with him and try to be sympathetic to what he's going through. For him, this is probably the worst thing that has every happened and he feels like his life will never be good again.  It's hard for him to see that things will get better.  Just be there for him is all I can say!  Good luck mom. :)

Quoting mountaingirl27:

More like a sudden nosedive.  He's always been a pretty emotional kid, but we have known that we were going to move for a year.  It didn't bother him until he met the girlfriend.  Visits are pretty out of the question for now because her parents are broke, and we have to get settled in a new house before we can do any traveling.  I wouldn't be comfortable sending him on his own since her family is going through some stuff too. As for the babysitter, I have done that in the past and probably should again - we are really trying to save everything for our move and the babysitter I hired charge $11/hour!  It cost me over $100 to take my son to a movie and McDonalds!

I used to think I was a great mom, but this whole situation has thrown me for a loop.  I'm good with the little kids, but teenagers are hard!

Quoting Niccalyn:

Has he suddenly taken a nosedive because of the upcoming move, or has his depression been pretty consistent over the entire 2 years?  If it is suddenly worse due to the move, I would try to do everything I could to alleviate his concerns about the move.  If he is worried about being away from his GF, perhaps you could speak to her parents to arrange a visit soon after the move takes place. Same with any close friends he is upset about leaving behind.  If he is worried about going to a new school, arrange for a tour before he actually begins classes.  Look into getting him involved in a team sport so he can have a sense of belonging as soon as he arrives.  Also, if you could get recommendations from trusted friends or relatives, or even his long-term pediatrician, for a new therapist, he might be more inclined to go if he knows the individual is highly recommended by someone he knows and trusts.  Is it possible to get a babysitter once a week so you can have some mother-son bonding time with him?  Just take him to a movie or for a bite of dinner...doesn't have to be fancy or expensive!  Ask some probing questions and be prepared to just listen without lecturing.  I wish you the best of luck--you sound like a great mom and I'm sure you can pull him through this!

 

 

atlmom2
by Susie on Feb. 20, 2014 at 12:00 PM
My youngest has been in a long distance relationship almost 3 years. They knew each other in Hs. Went to her junior prom, his senior. He moved few months later. They see each other off and on. Then he went in the Marines and she went away to college 18 months ago. She is in Dayton and he is in GA and they plan to marry. Dh wishes she met a college guy. He is the most polite sweet kid though.
Quoting Niccalyn:

Well, my 14-yo-dd is in a long-distance 'relationship' (I'm so hesitant to call it that at this age!), and they make it work by having a Skype date every single night.  They've known each other for 6 months and made things 'official' over 3 months ago.  They do get to see each other occasionally because they met through the youth group they both participate in, so they have conventions and activities every couple months.  But Skype and texting are what get them through, and they've never lived near each other (he is about 500 miles away).  Maybe if your son knew of some positive stories like that, it would help him to cope better.  Oh!  I just remembered.  A friend's daughter started dating a boy when she was a freshman in high school, and his family moved away the following year.  They stayed together.  She recently graduated from college and she and her high school sweetheart are MARRIED now!  So people can and do make it work.  Try to remind him that if it is meant to be, it will be!  And I hear ya on the babysitter expense--it is crazy!  I think you're doing the best you can, and all you can really do it be patient with him and try to be sympathetic to what he's going through. For him, this is probably the worst thing that has every happened and he feels like his life will never be good again.  It's hard for him to see that things will get better.  Just be there for him is all I can say!  Good luck mom. :)


Quoting mountaingirl27:

More like a sudden nosedive.  He's always been a pretty emotional kid, but we have known that we were going to move for a year.  It didn't bother him until he met the girlfriend.  Visits are pretty out of the question for now because her parents are broke, and we have to get settled in a new house before we can do any traveling.  I wouldn't be comfortable sending him on his own since her family is going through some stuff too. As for the babysitter, I have done that in the past and probably should again - we are really trying to save everything for our move and the babysitter I hired charge $11/hour!  It cost me over $100 to take my son to a movie and McDonalds!


I used to think I was a great mom, but this whole situation has thrown me for a loop.  I'm good with the little kids, but teenagers are hard!


Quoting Niccalyn:

Has he suddenly taken a nosedive because of the upcoming move, or has his depression been pretty consistent over the entire 2 years?  If it is suddenly worse due to the move, I would try to do everything I could to alleviate his concerns about the move.  If he is worried about being away from his GF, perhaps you could speak to her parents to arrange a visit soon after the move takes place. Same with any close friends he is upset about leaving behind.  If he is worried about going to a new school, arrange for a tour before he actually begins classes.  Look into getting him involved in a team sport so he can have a sense of belonging as soon as he arrives.  Also, if you could get recommendations from trusted friends or relatives, or even his long-term pediatrician, for a new therapist, he might be more inclined to go if he knows the individual is highly recommended by someone he knows and trusts.  Is it possible to get a babysitter once a week so you can have some mother-son bonding time with him?  Just take him to a movie or for a bite of dinner...doesn't have to be fancy or expensive!  Ask some probing questions and be prepared to just listen without lecturing.  I wish you the best of luck--you sound like a great mom and I'm sure you can pull him through this!


 


 

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