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Feeling bad for 17YO DD...

Posted by on Feb. 19, 2014 at 3:48 PM
  • 6 Replies

So my oldest (a Junior) has had a crush on a boy since the beginning of the year.  Back then, he acted as if he liked her and told a couple of friends he was thinking of asking her to Homecoming.  Then suddenly this 'Other Girl' that he has supposedly had a thing for for a long time started showing interest in him.  So he asked Other Girl to Homecoming and they started dating.

DD was a good sport and just moved on and continued to be friends with the boy (she hangs out socially on occasion with him and Other Girl, but does not particularly care for her, as she is the type to be gossipy and speak ill of others).  A couple of weeks ago, Other Girl dumped boy, saying he 'didn't make enough time for her.'

Boy almost immediately started texting DD 24x7, walking her to all of her classes, flirting a lot and asking if she wants to 'hang out' on the weekend (she said no the that last one b/c she was worried about being a 'rebound').  They see Other Girl in the hallways and she glares at DD.  This goes on for about a week and a half; then all of a sudden, DD hears that Other Girl is telling the boy that she misses him and wants him back.  DD asks boy how he feels about this and what he plans to do with the information, and he says 'I don't know.'

Next day at school, boy doesn't walk DD to any of her classes, hardly speaks to her, and she hasn't heard from him via text since. Looks like he is getting back together with Other Girl, and it very much APPEARS that he may have used DD to make Other Girl jealous. 

I feel just terrible for DD. I'm sure she now feels rejected not just once, but twice by the same boy.  And it only makes matters worse that the girl he is choosing over her is simply not a nice person. Perhaps some boys are also attracted to 'bad girls', the same as girls are attracted to 'bad boys'?  He even told DD it drove him crazy that Other Girl flirted with other guys all the time.

I wish DD didn't feel the need to always have attention from a boy, but no matter what I say, she always seeks it out.  I swear it must be a personality trait...I've never been that way, neither is my younger daughter.  Anyway I wish there was something I could do or say to make her feel better.  Teenage life can really suck sometimes! 

Thanks for listening. :)

by on Feb. 19, 2014 at 3:48 PM
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Replies (1-6):
GleekingOut
by Silver Member on Feb. 19, 2014 at 8:13 PM
1 mom liked this

I would honestly wonder about her self esteem issues. I mean, we all remember falling hard for a boy, but for a boy who by the sounds of it -is basically using your DD as a backup/to make this girl jealous -it makes me wonder what your DD's self esteem is like. As for your DD 'always needing to have attention from a boy' I would question that too. Is her dad around? or another male role model? That does cause girls to seek out negative male attention.

suesues
by Silver Member on Feb. 20, 2014 at 7:20 AM

its part of growing up cant fix it  boys can be crazy 

atlmom2
by Susie on Feb. 20, 2014 at 7:24 AM
She needs to learn hard and fast they don't mature till 25 or 30. She needs to learn some self esteem too. Don't be a sloppy 2nd.
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Niccalyn
by Bronze Member on Feb. 20, 2014 at 11:25 AM

Her dad and I have been married for 26 years, so yeah, he's very much around, very involved in her life and a good guy. They have a great relationship :)  I've obsessed over this to no end, and honestly, her self-esteem seems to be pretty high.  She is very confident and assumes every boy she meets 'likes' her, lol--which isn't far from the truth (she's a very pretty girl).  My mother was the same--always needed to have a guy around, from the time she was an adolescent.  My mom seems to think it is a personality trait that can't be changed; I hope it is something that will change over time, as DD matures.  DD did have a bad breakup last April that took a toll on her; she has been seeing a counselor for several months and her self esteem is not something the counselor has brought up as an issue.  She has trouble expressing her emotions when she feels stressed or depressed about something, so she bottles it all up, eventually leading to anxiety and more long-term depression.  They are working on coping strategies for that, but her confidence and self-esteem haven't been questioned.  It just seems to be HER--she loves the feeling of being admired by a member of the opposite sex, I guess.  Anyway, thanks for the input--I appreciate it!

Quoting GleekingOut:

I would honestly wonder about her self esteem issues. I mean, we all remember falling hard for a boy, but for a boy who by the sounds of it -is basically using your DD as a backup/to make this girl jealous -it makes me wonder what your DD's self esteem is like. As for your DD 'always needing to have attention from a boy' I would question that too. Is her dad around? or another male role model? That does cause girls to seek out negative male attention.

 

JessicaR7
by Member on Feb. 20, 2014 at 11:29 AM

 Honestly, this is all normal.  It's a tough learning lesson for young ladies but at least she knows now to be skeptical of boys who want a second chance.  They need to earn that privilege and prove themselves.

bekindtoanimals
by New Member on Feb. 21, 2014 at 5:44 PM

i hope she ignores him and doesn't let him string her along. what do they say?, "dont' be anybody's second choice." I have a 17 year old daughter also and it can be very painful for the daughter and the mom. I ended up taking my daughter to a hypnotist who specialized in trauma recovery and that was very helpful. good luck.

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