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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

Preteen extreme attitude problem.

Posted by on Feb. 26, 2014 at 4:20 PM
  • 6 Replies

So I'm currently staying with family, and my 12 year old cousin is... Well... A brat. I feel so bad for my aunt and she keeps asking me what she should do because she feels she's tried everything. I'm at a loss because I'm only just expecting my first. So every single day since I got here (yes every day) her daughter throws the biggest tantrums I've ever seen. She screams at her mom that she hates her and wants her to die, slams doors, says she's going to run away forever. She has boundaries issues, such as unlocking the bathroom door and walking in on her little sister using the bathroom, and going in her parents room without permission. She has this sense of entitlement like every one owes her something just for being alive. She is very nosey and her attitude isn't limited to just her mom. She does it to me too but I always just walk away. It's weird because her sister is nothing like this at all, though I get she's not a preteen yet. It frustrates me because her mom is SO good to her. They have nice things, their own rooms, she takes them to do fun stuff fairly often such as swimming, she cooks homemade dinner every night, and packs their school lunches every day, they have tons of clothes. Basically she doesn't realize how good she has it. She says she wants to be out in a foster home HAHAHAHAA. Her mom has tried talking to her about how she's feeling, she's tried "natural" consequences such as if you don't take care of something you lose it, etc; etc; half the time I don't even know what the kid is hollering about. It seems she just enjoys fighting. Last night she tried to start a fight with her mom and she just went in her room and shut the door, soon enough her daughter is outside banging on the door screaming I HAVE TO TALK TO YOU RIGHT NOW!!! Anyone have any advice?

by on Feb. 26, 2014 at 4:20 PM
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Replies (1-6):
Carmen66
by Member on Feb. 27, 2014 at 7:44 AM

I'm sorry that you aunt has to go through this. Tell your aunt to take her to a foster care center and show her what goes on in there maybe even speak to the director and have her stay there a day or two and let her expereince it herself. Sometimes we have to do certain things to open up their eyes and let them know how good they have it at home. Trust me i know i went through with 3 of them, but i only had the most problem with my oldest daughter. The moment she started messing up in high school and acting out I sent her to job corps for a year and a half and she straighten her ass out quick. Tell your aunt to take matters into her own hands. Where is the father throughout this ordeal? good luck!!

nana776
by Member on Feb. 27, 2014 at 8:08 AM
3 moms liked this

Ahh, the joys of pre-teen girls. When my kids were about 11 and 12 we talked about the teen years and what to expect. I told them to remember one thing during those years, that I love them. I got out a driver's manual and showed them all the road signs and told them that my job was to be those road signs and help them navigate these years. We talked about raging hormones and how they control our emotions, but we still have brains and can make choices. We talked about what they were going to see other kids doing and what my expectations were. I have threatened to not allow them to hang out with certain kids if they couldn't make decisions on their own and not copy bad behaviors. 

Now that said, I have taken doors off for slamming them, I have taken away electronics and cell phones for inappropriate use. I have grounded for weeks for pulling a disappearing act. It's not an easy road, but I have found that talking to them when nothing is going on is more productive than trying to tackle it in the middle of a crisis.

PosinourHarmony
by on Feb. 27, 2014 at 11:35 AM

I'd show her how bad her life could be....no more fun stuff....no more nice stuff no more nothing. If she wants to live in a foster home so bad then I'd make it like she was living in a foster home of foster parents who don't care and just do it for the money. No more hot meals....PB&J for dinner every night....take all the nice stuff outta her room....that girl needs tough love. I would turn her life up side down.

butzi
by Member on Mar. 1, 2014 at 1:01 AM
This is not your problem so I'm not sure you can fix it. Her mama has to deal with this. She has to be able to give real consequences while showing love and respect for the girl.
trayseehalf
by on Mar. 1, 2014 at 1:57 AM

Has she thought about taking her to the doctor or having her talk to a therapist? Could should have some problems there?

BelleVernonGirl
by on Mar. 1, 2014 at 3:07 AM

Take everything...cell phone, tvs, dresser, laptop, game systems...all of it

All cys requires is a matress on the floor and food in the fridge...

I just ignored mine when they acted like that...they eventually grew out of it and are much better now...

Good Luck!

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