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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

oh No! Caught in the act!

Posted by on Feb. 27, 2014 at 2:00 PM
  • 9 Replies
1 mom liked this
My 15 y/o daughter brought home her male friend 15 months ago. Two abusive parents that to this day have never contacted me though i have forced contact a few times with the mom. Three months ago his 14 y/o sister moved in. Last night I caught my 18 y/o having sex with the now almost 17y/o boy. These kids are MY kids as far as my heart knows. What am I supposed to do? My kids are priviledged, spoiled even. These two we've taken in have no one but a set of split up parents on drugs and booze--and cps. My heart is breaking and they think they are in love....as if that makes it ok. My daughter has health problems and tyler suffers severe ADD &depression. These kids will be toxic together and they are to goung to realize it. Help!
by on Feb. 27, 2014 at 2:00 PM
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Replies (1-9):
HeathersRich
by Member on Feb. 27, 2014 at 2:05 PM
:( Oh mommy. I don't really have any advice but sounds like having both under your roof is a disaster waiting to happen. Can you find somewhere else for Tyler to go? Another friend? Even if it's just temporary? Good luck, hope you come up with something that works.
atlmom2
by Susie on Feb. 27, 2014 at 2:08 PM
Teenagers have to be watched. Sadly I am not surprised. I would not take in other teenagers. Leads to trouble.
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8chickens
by Member on Feb. 27, 2014 at 6:45 PM
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Your daughter is an adult and the young man is no child. No surprise here. Life happens.


atlmom2
by Susie on Feb. 27, 2014 at 6:57 PM
What are you doing to separate them??
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cheetah90210
by Member on Feb. 27, 2014 at 7:04 PM
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I would not be ok with that only person that's having sex in my home is dh and I is keep an eye on them set stricter rules between them and if they can't abide they have to go also if she isn't already talk to your daughter about birth control and give him condoms.
cybcm
by Bronze Member on Feb. 27, 2014 at 9:15 PM

I've taken in two, one is my oldest daughter's girlfriend, the other is the oldest son's friend, sometimes it's just what you need to do, personally I refuse to be the person ho turns a blind eye, kids are innocent in these things, just because they aren't mine doesn't mean that I can't give them a chance.
Sometimes these things happen, only they can realise whether their relationship is going to be 'toxic' or not, there's also a chance it won't be. You don't know.
Now what you need to think about is what you will allow in your house and what you won't, set the rules and the consequences of not abiding by them.

Ewa101
by Bronze Member on Feb. 28, 2014 at 7:35 AM

 

Quoting HeathersRich: :( Oh mommy. I don't really have any advice but sounds like having both under your roof is a disaster waiting to happen. Can you find somewhere else for Tyler to go? Another friend? Even if it's just temporary? Good luck, hope you come up with something that works.

 I agree.  I admire you for taking on these kids; I am sure you were aware of many risks you were taking by doing this.  I don't think my heart is big enough for that.  I hope you'll find a way to work it out.

When I was watching "Blind Side" I thought about it - how risky it was to pick up a teenager, obviously in need, how her family accepted him.  I hope Tyler grows up to be a famous person, and we'll see a movie about you.

 

bizzeemom2717
by Jen on Mar. 1, 2014 at 1:53 PM
I'm sorry about this sounds like you have done a lot for these kids hugs. I think you just have to first wrap your head around what happened its got to be shocking and upsetting. Then decide what exactly you want to do? After you set the boundaries whatever they may be in your home, write them out with any other adult of you have another adult in your household, sit all kids down calmly and explain boundaries and household expectations. Ask kids if they have any questions. After you are sure everyone is clear have kids sign the household boundaries and expectations. Next and most important and most difficult ENFORCE those boundaries. If you need help enforcing them seek help with a family counselor. Good luck
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soshalbutterfly
by on Mar. 1, 2014 at 6:59 PM

Everyday has been difficult. My husband is a big tough guy with a heart of butter. It's easy for him to find cause to champion any underdog. On the other hand he see's most everything in this life in black or white. He feels (aptly) that we invited the fox into the hen house. He says he won't make that mistake ever again. Tyler is not welcome to return here. Both kids have only ever had one relatioship each and those were not sexual. so they are each others 'first' . Hubby and I know better than to try to put our foot down on that no matter what instinct tell us...

But Tyler is a great kid and we miss him. Mad at him but miss him. He has problems you wouldn't wish for in a partner for your daughter but he is also one hell of a strong kid. He won't talk to kids that drink or smoke. He uses skateboarding as an outlet for some of his ADHD but won't go to the skate park because of the drugs there. He has high standards for living clean and healthy. Not to give the idea that he is a health nut. He lives on cereal and Mt. Dew. Mostly because that is what he was raised on.  And now he is back at his mother's house where cereal and soda are what you get if there is anything to eat at all. It kills me.

My daughter brought him clothes yesterday. She came home and told me the house is out of propane so there is no heat and no hot water. The babies have a space heater in their bed room (oh yes, there are babies 2y/o, 3y/o with downs, and just turned 5). I want to call CPS, i want to wait a few days for her to get her state check and see if she doesn't buy gas, I want to protect the little ones but I know they will go into the system and Tyler might go back to his dad who is worse than his mom. 

Mean while, Summer his 14 y/o sister is still here with us. Going to School regularly (finally) and doing reallly well with blending into our family. 

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