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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

17 & never home

Posted by on Mar. 2, 2014 at 12:40 PM
  • 15 Replies

My son is 17 & will be 18 in April. 

He is never home & I mean NEVER !!!! Yes I do know where he is at, it is usually up the street at his best friends house.  He will come home at night around 8 or 9 & then go to bed around 10, or 11. Get up  for school. come home from school & stay for about 30 min

in the last 2 weeks, him & his gf of 3 years broke up & since then he has pretty much acted like he wants nothing to do with any of us here. Since Friday I have seen him a total of 2 hours & that is only because I went up to the friends house to hang out with his mom. 

My husband is upset about this, & has literally seen him maybe an hour in the last 3 weeks. Hubby works nights, so when son is home hubby is either sleeping or already left for work. He complains about it to me & I tell him to talk to our son about it, but he said it won't do any good.  

It has been causing fights between me & hubby because I am sick of hearing it. 

Last time I seen my son at out house was Thursday night & we got into a huge fight because of his attitude, & Him saying he is an adult, etc... So Friday I did not wake him up for school, & I told him I was not going to because adults do not have their mommy wake them up, Also told him I would not be taking him to school on Friday because adults do not get rides from their mommy.  So Friday he woke up at 9 30, got dressed & walked out the door, His teacher e-mailed me to let me know he did show up to school, so he walked. Besides when I went up to the friends house Friday night I have not seen him or talked to him, 

I just do not know what to do or think, He has always been a mommas boy & would talk to me about anything & everything, We have always been very close  & now its just nothing.  I know some of it is normal, I am just not sure what parts are. & to be honest it is breaking my heart. 

Between him & my husband I am going to go nuts. 

by on Mar. 2, 2014 at 12:40 PM
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Replies (1-10):
atlmom2
by Susie on Mar. 2, 2014 at 12:59 PM
Don't most 17 yo's like to be away from home? I loved my parents but friends were my life.
He should have been getting himself up for school by himself since middle school.
You need to nip is attitude in the bud. Some kind of consequence.
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KawfeeKathy63
by on Mar. 2, 2014 at 1:13 PM

 I don't think it's that unusual for them wanting to spend so much time with their friends.  Maybe there are activities at the friends house that are not available at your house or maybe it's a more relaxed atmosphere.  Why don't you just sit him down and ask him about it.  GL

racheal241977
by Member on Mar. 2, 2014 at 1:24 PM
1 mom liked this


Quoting KawfeeKathy63:

 I don't think it's that unusual for them wanting to spend so much time with their friends.  Maybe there are activities at the friends house that are not available at your house or maybe it's a more relaxed atmosphere.  Why don't you just sit him down and ask him about it.  GL

I have asked him & he said that he is 17 & he is sorry he wants a life. That is the only answer he will ever give us. 

Me & the friends mom are pretty close, So I know what he is & is not allowed to do up there, 

I am thinking it could be up there it is just him & his friend no other siblings, where here he does have his 15 year old brother who I would swear to it he hates on most days. 

Jinx-Troublex3
by Bronze Member on Mar. 2, 2014 at 2:22 PM

I know my Ds and I have a good relationship, and our house is pretty kid/teen friendly. However, DS''s frend doesn't have siblings and has a little more freedom than we allow (yet, I do allow because I know what they allow..KWIM) So when he has a choice, he goes to his friend's house instead of hanging here.

I would talk to Dad and set boundaries. Does DS have a job? Where does he get money? I have no problem with him going to the firend's hosue and hanging out, but he needs to be pulling his own weight at home. He needs to be home X night per week for a family dinner. He needs to have chores at home and have a job 3-4 days per week to cover his own spending money.

mommyofthezoo03
by Member on Mar. 3, 2014 at 8:00 AM

My dd13 is very much a homebody. My bils kids are not. They would be gone all the time too, if he let them. He requires that every Wed everyone stays home for dinner and movies. Once a month they have to spend a Sat together. We plan on the same when and if DD gets to that stage. 

                                   

jinxmom
by Bronze Member on Mar. 3, 2014 at 8:07 AM

HUGS  from the time my dd was 14 she barely spent time at home a matter of fact she ate at friends houses. lol The only time I saw her was when I took her to school in the am and then only if I cooked something good. lol  My gas and light bill were so low they had to pay me to use them lol jk but they were low b/c if she wasn't there I didn't have every light in the house on. lol Now you have to make appts with your kids b/c they are breaking away from parents and becoming their own person.  Have you all pulled him aside and talked with him? I would say totally surprise him one day he comes in and attack him with hugs and kisses, he'll either freak out or post on fb or instagram the aliens have taken over his parents bodies lolllllllllll When my dd 19 is in her zone I go into her room and climb in bed with it lol the look on her face  is priceless hug her and just have fun she loves it and then she'll post how she is being attacked lol

nana776
by Member on Mar. 3, 2014 at 9:06 AM

Your son may still be hurting from his break up. Even if he's not hurting, he is probably just trying to readjust to time alone. Maybe just a word from you that you know what he is going through and that you are there if he needs to talk, can make a world of difference to him. Right now, he may just be trying to avoid too much down time that allows too much time to think. He may need a little help and guidance with figuring what went wrong or how to deal with it.

At my house, the kids are off with their friends a lot so this is probably normal. I have one night a week that is family night. Everyone is home for dinner, we talk, play games or watch a movie together. It's our night to touch base with each other and keep the bonds strong.

Not_A_Native
by Bronze Member on Mar. 3, 2014 at 10:35 AM

At 17, he is well past the age to be a "mommas boy."  It's time for him to gain some independence, and he appears to be doing it all at once.

It's actually pretty normal. Tell your husband you won't be in the middle of it, and if he's concerned, to talk to your son.  But really, it's time to be letting go.  Is he going away to college next year?

 

Khanfan
by Member on Mar. 3, 2014 at 10:45 AM

When my two sons were that age I had a hard time too.  I feel your pain.  {{{{HUGS}}}}hugging

zacmacsmomm
by Bronze Member on Mar. 3, 2014 at 11:05 AM

While I can't relate on a personal level (I was usually trying to get my teenaged son OUT of the house), I can understand.  I think the big problem is your husband needs to MAN UP, grow a pair, and let them drop and have a heart to heart with your son.  It's hard for dad's, I understand that, but your husband needs to be the one to start things off for him and your son.  He also needs to communicate, not just saying "you're gone to much", that won't over well.  He should start off by saying that he misses spending time with him, maybe your husband can plan something for the 2 of them.

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