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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

Dads and Daughters not getting along?

Posted by on Mar. 3, 2014 at 7:53 AM
  • 9 Replies

I feel like I am in a war zone. All my dh and dd do is fight. They both have forgotten how to talk to each other in normal tones. I feel like I am constantly being a mediator between the 2. DD and I have an amazing relationship---as long as she is on her ADD patch. Without it she is well, a witch I can't stand to be around. Anyone else deal with this or have any advice? I remember being the same way with my dad and it was miserable for both of us. 

                                   

by on Mar. 3, 2014 at 7:53 AM
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Replies (1-9):
Hannahluvsdogs
by Bronze Member on Mar. 3, 2014 at 10:56 AM

It sounds like maybe they need some one-on-one time to do something fun. Sometimes the fighting is just about the child needing attention and not being able to say so.

mommyofthezoo03
by Member on Mar. 3, 2014 at 11:48 AM

I kinda think that too. However, it doesn't seem to be helping. He does a pretty good job of giving each kids some one on one but he does favor ds6 because he is a boy.

Quoting Hannahluvsdogs:

It sounds like maybe they need some one-on-one time to do something fun. Sometimes the fighting is just about the child needing attention and not being able to say so.


                                   

MidwestMama55
by on Mar. 3, 2014 at 11:51 AM

What are they fighting about? The father/daughter relationship is very important, particularly in the teenage years. It should be built on mutual respect.

mommyofthezoo03
by Member on Mar. 3, 2014 at 11:54 AM

They fight about anything, everything and nothing. Example, he might tell her to come set the table adn she comes back at him nasty which starts a back and forth. OR it could be the other way around. "Dad can you take me to the video store" and he comes back at her nasty which starts a back and forth. Either way I end up dragged into the middle.

Quoting MidwestMama55:

What are they fighting about? The father/daughter relationship is very important, particularly in the teenage years. It should be built on mutual respect.


                                   

MidwestMama55
by on Mar. 3, 2014 at 11:59 AM

Hmmm. Sounds like a respect issue - that they are both having trouble with. Do you condone it or call them on it? I've raised two teens and one more entering the teen years. One rule that is solid around our house is that everyone has to treat their family members with respect, ALWAYS, even when disagreeing. If you are not calling them on their bad behavior (which should be done privately) you could be enabling the behavior. Maybe a family meeting is in order to reset what is appropriate and what is not? We had to revisit the rules a few times during the teen years. You cannot get "dragged into the middle" if you refuse to play. So my suggestion is to institute a "zero tolerance for disrespect" policy in your household, which all members need to follow. No nasty comebacks, no eye rolling, etc. Not saying it's easy (because it's not, especially with teen girls!!) but it is worth it, and it can be done.

Quoting mommyofthezoo03:

They fight about anything, everything and nothing. Example, he might tell her to come set the table adn she comes back at him nasty which starts a back and forth. OR it could be the other way around. "Dad can you take me to the video store" and he comes back at her nasty which starts a back and forth. Either way I end up dragged into the middle.

Quoting MidwestMama55:

What are they fighting about? The father/daughter relationship is very important, particularly in the teenage years. It should be built on mutual respect.


mommyofthezoo03
by Member on Mar. 3, 2014 at 12:07 PM

I can tell you that it is most certainly worse for the entire household if she is not wearing her ADD patch. She is so much nastier and is nasty with everyone. Yesterday she nearly got her mouth smacked from me for being disrespectful. Put the patch on an 15 min later she was pleasant again. My dad adn I were the exact same way. I interpreted everything he said as yelling at me or coming down on me. Thankfully we grew past that in time. Now I am the only one who knows how to take him.


Quoting MidwestMama55:

Hmmm. Sounds like a respect issue - that they are both having trouble with. Do you condone it or call them on it? I've raised two teens and one more entering the teen years. One rule that is solid around our house is that everyone has to treat their family members with respect, ALWAYS, even when disagreeing. If you are not calling them on their bad behavior (which should be done privately) you could be enabling the behavior. Maybe a family meeting is in order to reset what is appropriate and what is not? We had to revisit the rules a few times during the teen years. You cannot get "dragged into the middle" if you refuse to play. So my suggestion is to institute a "zero tolerance for disrespect" policy in your household, which all members need to follow. No nasty comebacks, no eye rolling, etc. Not saying it's easy (because it's not, especially with teen girls!!) but it is worth it, and it can be done.

Quoting mommyofthezoo03:

They fight about anything, everything and nothing. Example, he might tell her to come set the table adn she comes back at him nasty which starts a back and forth. OR it could be the other way around. "Dad can you take me to the video store" and he comes back at her nasty which starts a back and forth. Either way I end up dragged into the middle.

Quoting MidwestMama55:

What are they fighting about? The father/daughter relationship is very important, particularly in the teenage years. It should be built on mutual respect.



                                   

Msgme
by Bronze Member on Mar. 3, 2014 at 2:34 PM

My husband does not allow "fights"  he's never allowed them to talk back or get "nasty" with him.  If they want to talk like a civiized person  he's all ears but there is no fighting or rudness.   me and my oldest dd can fight cause i'm a little bit more laid back than he is and I let her get away with it more.  He's very close to all of my kids but more so with my girls.  Total daddy's girls. They have their moments where she is not to fond of him but not very often.

mommyofthezoo03
by Member on Mar. 3, 2014 at 4:46 PM

The thing that riddles my brain is that he is the easy/lax one. I am the disciplinarian and rule enforcer. He is the one who breaks the rules. It would make more sense for her and I to fight.

                                   

Monsita
by Bronze Member on Mar. 8, 2014 at 1:34 AM
Hugs.

I have no advice on the subject.
My daughter is only 10 and she is in the loves her Dad more than she loves me, stage of her life!!
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