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porn :(

Posted by on Mar. 11, 2014 at 12:22 AM
  • 17 Replies
I have a 13 year old son with severe ADHD. He's on meds at the moment but will soon be coming off because my insurance won't cover them and they aren't affordable. He has a tendency to not take them on weekends/holidays even when told to a dozen times. He is expected to keep his room cleaned and his grades up. He's gifted so the only issue with grades is not wanting to do homework. He has his own kindle. A school computer and a cell phone without data just text. For the third time tonight he was caught viewing pornography. He has had his electronics taken away for months before due to this. We have discussed that I don't find it appropriate and it's not realistic and i find it sick. He said sorry but I'm sure he's just sorry he got caught again or he wouldn't continue to do it. He said the boys at school talk about it all the time. I can't figure out how to get him to "get" it! It's like he just doesn't care what I do or say. Has anything worked for you? If so please share. I'm so lost.
by on Mar. 11, 2014 at 12:22 AM
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Replies (1-10):
nana776
by Member on Mar. 11, 2014 at 2:37 AM
2 moms liked this

I just talked to mine about how it's not real and it gives them the wrong idea of what sex really is. We talked about porn addiction and how it can cause problems with enjoying sex. We covered how sometimes porn stars have their bodies altered so that isn't really what the female body looks like.

Good luck Mamma!

drunk.in.love
by on Mar. 11, 2014 at 4:40 PM

If it's extremely concerning to you, then you could probably put parental blocks on the computer.

My daughters are 13 and 10. DD13 was telling me the other day about how a bunch of kids in her school were talking about porn, etc. I took the opportunity to talk to both girls about how porn distorts what sex is actually like and it can be demeaning to women. It also gives the wrong impression of what sex is, which can lead to issues when they actually do have sex. Like PP said, I also talked to them about how a lot of the actresses' bodies aren't 100% "natural" and that just everything about porn is very fake and not at all what sex should be.

Porn makes sex look like nothing special, just another hobby to do. So I stressed the importance of realizing that sex is something special to do with someone you love and to not just throw it around like it's a sport or something.

Good luck :)

mommyofthezoo03
by on Mar. 11, 2014 at 9:11 PM
2 moms liked this

try downloading this website to his electronics XXXchurch.com You can set it up without him even knowing and it will send you an email each time he visits a site he shouldn't. Perhaps if you catch him each time for a while he will stop because he knows he can't hide it. 

                                   

singlemom416
by on Mar. 11, 2014 at 9:17 PM
1 mom liked this

See if you can find books or documentaries about ex porn stars and how it ruined their lives,sex traffickers and the poor girls that are forced into that life,how drugs got them where they are and the use to numb what they were feeling making the movies etc. Show him the behind the scene nightmare of their lives. Maybe that will take away the appeal for him. Remind him that's some ones kid,mom,aunt or sister and how would he like it if people he knew we're doing that and any one could view it.

GleekingOut
by Silver Member on Mar. 12, 2014 at 5:07 AM
1 mom liked this

I just gotta say - I know the episode you're referencing and it was a amazing episode :) I loved that show! Still do.

Quoting ImaNutbar:

My son got set up in middle school with a "friend" taking his ipod and sticking a few URLs in without them being able to access on the school wifi. He got home and they popped up alright!!!!He tried to delete them but, like a Hydra head, more popped up. He didn't hear me coming and he was trying to delete, delete, delete. I got SOOOO angry but when he told me the story, I took it to the principal and he investigated. Sure enough, the kid got caught in one too many lies and got found out.The principal called me let me know that it was clear what had happened and that The Boy was not in the wrong.

I took the ipod and computer from my son for 2 years. Not because he did anything wrong, but because I told him to ALWAYS come to me for help if something pops up on his computer or ipod that he knows is not right.

The problem is, you can't unring a bell and he found a way to get around the safe guards on the tv and was watching when I caught him. The box was taken out of the house and the only thing we watched was Netflix.

Who knew that would be the answer. An episode of "Lie To Me" was what started him thinking. It's about a girl that has been in the business and the Lightman grow is trying to help her. He sat and watched that with me. Then I told him that I am in love with his father and never would that kind of relationship show our love for each other. The same love that created him. (I have always had age-appropriate sex talks throughout his life)

He got his Ipod and computer back this school year because he was starting high school and I took it from him the other day to see what he was doing. I was reading his texted and saw one between him and a girl in the school. He was warning her off of a guy(the same guy. YES they still hang out together!!!! UGGGG!!!!) she had a crush on because the only reason he wanted anything to do with her was to say he slept with a girl in grade 11. When she was too upset to talk, he comforted her, by text, over the space of 3 days. It was obvious from the texts that they rarely crossed paths but he saw to it that she was ok before they parted ways and the texts dwindle. I have to say, that made me proud to know that he would do that for someone.

Did the episode of Lie to Me do it???? Did the talk???? Did he just do it to spite the other guy???? I don't know, but I think what he did was real sweet and I would hope that that his how he would treat a girl. To be protective, kind and a friend whether they are in a relationship or not.


Sorry to be so long winded, and I hope something in there helps you.


Good Luck!!!!


regian19832002
by Member on Mar. 12, 2014 at 8:46 AM

He is going to look at it no matter what, my is 13 I caught him looking at it on his i-pad and computer took them away but did not help found it on his computer again, I have had the talk with him and I told him to keep his junk in his pants, and he knows it is not easy being a teen parnet becuase I was one.I TOLD HIM NOT ALL GIRL LOOK LIKE THE PORN START GIRL, sorry for all caps, hell I catch porn on my So's computer and flip my lid on him 2 but does no good. My So is 23 so I guess they never stop looking no matter what they say.

elrikandisis
by on Mar. 12, 2014 at 9:20 AM
1 mom liked this

 Porn isnt meant to realistic. It's a fantasy. It is human nature to have fantasies and by making such a huge deal of it, you're only adding to the allure. You cant keep males from porn. Even if you take all his gadgets away, he'll just view it at a friends house, or from a friends phone/tablet or computer. My brother had secret email accounts under weird names my parents knew nothing about just for porn.  You will never be able to abolish it, nor can we successfully protect our kids from it. It's a ugly reality. You've done all you can do. Let the issue rest and stop giving porn such an allure by making such a big deal of it.

chattycassie
by Bronze Member on Mar. 12, 2014 at 5:40 PM

 I was thinking the same thing. The more you tell them no the more they will want it. I would also have the talk with him. remind him this is fantasy NOT what sex is really like.

Quoting elrikandisis:

 Porn isnt meant to realistic. It's a fantasy. It is human nature to have fantasies and by making such a huge deal of it, you're only adding to the allure. You cant keep males from porn. Even if you take all his gadgets away, he'll just view it at a friends house, or from a friends phone/tablet or computer. My brother had secret email accounts under weird names my parents knew nothing about just for porn.  You will never be able to abolish it, nor can we successfully protect our kids from it. It's a ugly reality. You've done all you can do. Let the issue rest and stop giving porn such an allure by making such a big deal of it.

 

JessicaR7
by Member on Mar. 13, 2014 at 3:15 PM

 I think you've gotten some great resources in what to do to address the immediate problem.  I would also talk to him about how the boys at school talk about it all the time...it sounds to me those boys are objectifying young ladies and sex.  So, for every time they talk about girls that way, they are making them less of a person and more of an object.  Objects are also much easier to violate than a person so I'd talk to him about consent and what it means.  It's natural for him to be curious about sex but you don't want him to become desensitized to sex and such a young age because it will impact his future relationships.

N1ght1ngale
by on Mar. 14, 2014 at 11:22 AM

Does he play games? Maybe you can get his interest on a game instead, like mine raft.. My kids are obsessed with it.. I had them block all the ..kids.. Talking sex and cursing.. They can associate with the moral children.

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