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Advice Needed: How do I get my son to choose a college...

Posted by on Mar. 12, 2014 at 8:58 PM
  • 10 Replies

How do I get my son to choose a college that his girlfriend is not going too?

by on Mar. 12, 2014 at 8:58 PM
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Replies (1-10):
btamilee
by Member on Mar. 12, 2014 at 9:31 PM

I wish I could offer some words of wisdom.  Going through something somewhat familiar.  Our daughter got accepted at two great colleges, one four hours from our house in North Carolina....the other in Hollywood (near where her boyfriend will be working).   I know we can't make the decision for her, but we sure can offer our advice. 

atlmom2
by Susie on Mar. 12, 2014 at 11:34 PM
1 mom liked this
College needs to be chosen and have nothing to do with a girlfriend of boyfriend. Odds are they won't be together by the time school starts.
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cybcm
by Bronze Member on Mar. 13, 2014 at 4:42 AM

Well that would depend on why he wants to go to the same college has his girlfriend.

romalove
by Member on Mar. 13, 2014 at 7:45 AM

Understand, similar boat here.   I find with my daughter if I push her in one direction or another she pushes back by going the opposite way.  I won't talk about where her boyfriend is going to attend; I talk about what's best for her without that aspect.  I know she has taken it into consideration, and as of yesterday (she has been accepted to six music programs at universities here, most with scholarship offers) she is leaning hard towards the same school her boyfriend will attend. 

If the school the girlfriend is attending is a good school for your son regardless of whether or not they are dating, then I wouldn't sweat it.  If it isn't, I would be pointing out both the negatives of that school for him (without mention of the girlfriend at all), and the positives of something else you think is better.

Good luck.  I know how stressful this is.  I can't wait for my daughter to finalize her choice so we can move on.

suesues
by Silver Member on Mar. 13, 2014 at 7:45 AM

make a list of pros and con should include tution and location and major last on list gf

btamilee
by Member on Mar. 13, 2014 at 11:54 AM

 Looks like several of others are in the same boat.  Our daughter is making up a list of pros and cons.  We are still waiting on the financial packages from both colleges, and in a few weeks my daughter and her dad will be making a short trip out to LA to tour Columbia College Hollywood.  She has already toured UNCSA here in North Carolina.  She is currently living in Maine finishing up her senior year (staying with relatives), so we are trying to figure out the timing on her meeting her dad in LA.  We have had a crazy year living a thousand miles apart, but making this college decision is MUCH more stressful than I expected it to be.  I honestly feel if she had not met her current boyfriend last fall, and carried on a long distance relationship with him.....she would have picked UNCSA (it was her DREAM school a year ago). 

Quoting romalove:

Understand, similar boat here.   I find with my daughter if I push her in one direction or another she pushes back by going the opposite way.  I won't talk about where her boyfriend is going to attend; I talk about what's best for her without that aspect.  I know she has taken it into consideration, and as of yesterday (she has been accepted to six music programs at universities here, most with scholarship offers) she is leaning hard towards the same school her boyfriend will attend. 

If the school the girlfriend is attending is a good school for your son regardless of whether or not they are dating, then I wouldn't sweat it.  If it isn't, I would be pointing out both the negatives of that school for him (without mention of the girlfriend at all), and the positives of something else you think is better.

Good luck.  I know how stressful this is.  I can't wait for my daughter to finalize her choice so we can move on.

 

romalove
by Member on Mar. 13, 2014 at 12:04 PM
What degree program is she interested in? My daughter's first choice school changed through the audition process. It is still in her top tier, but some glaring negatives are more pronounced now. One of the schools my daughter auditioned for is offering her full paid tuition. Three of the schools have professors calling and emailing her, offering help and telling her they hope she will come there. She is under tremendous pressure, not just to make the best decision but also not to disappoint anyone. The boyfriend angle is just another pressure and complication.

I too didn't anticipate how stressful this process would be.


Quoting btamilee:

 Looks like several of others are in the same boat.  Our daughter is making up a list of pros and cons.  We are still waiting on the financial packages from both colleges, and in a few weeks my daughter and her dad will be making a short trip out to LA to tour Columbia College Hollywood.  She has already toured UNCSA here in North Carolina.  She is currently living in Maine finishing up her senior year (staying with relatives), so we are trying to figure out the timing on her meeting her dad in LA.  We have had a crazy year living a thousand miles apart, but making this college decision is MUCH more stressful than I expected it to be.  I honestly feel if she had not met her current boyfriend last fall, and carried on a long distance relationship with him.....she would have picked UNCSA (it was her DREAM school a year ago). 


Quoting romalove:

Understand, similar boat here.   I find with my daughter if I push her in one direction or another she pushes back by going the opposite way.  I won't talk about where her boyfriend is going to attend; I talk about what's best for her without that aspect.  I know she has taken it into consideration, and as of yesterday (she has been accepted to six music programs at universities here, most with scholarship offers) she is leaning hard towards the same school her boyfriend will attend. 


If the school the girlfriend is attending is a good school for your son regardless of whether or not they are dating, then I wouldn't sweat it.  If it isn't, I would be pointing out both the negatives of that school for him (without mention of the girlfriend at all), and the positives of something else you think is better.


Good luck.  I know how stressful this is.  I can't wait for my daughter to finalize her choice so we can move on.


 

btamilee
by Member on Mar. 13, 2014 at 1:12 PM

 Wow...congrats!  A full paid tuition!  That is SO awesome.  The fact that she has so many colleges wanting her tells a great deal about how talented your daughter must be!  I would imagine she is under a great deal of pressure to make the right decision.  My daughter is going into film (screenwriting and directing).  She has had early success with both, and her entire world revolves around film.  I am hoping that she gets offered some kind of help with her tuition, as both these schools run in the $35,000 to $42,000 a year range.  She too is under a great deal of pressure, to not only make the right choice, but also to figure out the financial end of this move into adulthood.  As with your daughter.....the boyfriend just adds one more thing to her already full plate.  She has dealt with anxiety/depression for years, so that also is an issue.

Quoting romalove: What degree program is she interested in? My daughter's first choice school changed through the audition process. It is still in her top tier, but some glaring negatives are more pronounced now. One of the schools my daughter auditioned for is offering her full paid tuition. Three of the schools have professors calling and emailing her, offering help and telling her they hope she will come there. She is under tremendous pressure, not just to make the best decision but also not to disappoint anyone. The boyfriend angle is just another pressure and complication. I too didn't anticipate how stressful this process would be.
Quoting btamilee:

 Looks like several of others are in the same boat.  Our daughter is making up a list of pros and cons.  We are still waiting on the financial packages from both colleges, and in a few weeks my daughter and her dad will be making a short trip out to LA to tour Columbia College Hollywood.  She has already toured UNCSA here in North Carolina.  She is currently living in Maine finishing up her senior year (staying with relatives), so we are trying to figure out the timing on her meeting her dad in LA.  We have had a crazy year living a thousand miles apart, but making this college decision is MUCH more stressful than I expected it to be.  I honestly feel if she had not met her current boyfriend last fall, and carried on a long distance relationship with him.....she would have picked UNCSA (it was her DREAM school a year ago). 

Quoting romalove:

Understand, similar boat here.   I find with my daughter if I push her in one direction or another she pushes back by going the opposite way.  I won't talk about where her boyfriend is going to attend; I talk about what's best for her without that aspect.  I know she has taken it into consideration, and as of yesterday (she has been accepted to six music programs at universities here, most with scholarship offers) she is leaning hard towards the same school her boyfriend will attend. 

If the school the girlfriend is attending is a good school for your son regardless of whether or not they are dating, then I wouldn't sweat it.  If it isn't, I would be pointing out both the negatives of that school for him (without mention of the girlfriend at all), and the positives of something else you think is better.

Good luck.  I know how stressful this is.  I can't wait for my daughter to finalize her choice so we can move on.

 

 

romalove
by Member on Mar. 13, 2014 at 2:12 PM
1 mom liked this
Omg...my daughter too with the depression. She is on medication. I think its that creative thing. Your daughter sounds talented as well. Hugs to you and good luck making decisions going forward.

Quoting btamilee:

 Wow...congrats!  A full paid tuition!  That is SO awesome.  The fact that she has so many colleges wanting her tells a great deal about how talented your daughter must be!  I would imagine she is under a great deal of pressure to make the right decision.  My daughter is going into film (screenwriting and directing).  She has had early success with both, and her entire world revolves around film.  I am hoping that she gets offered some kind of help with her tuition, as both these schools run in the $35,000 to $42,000 a year range.  She too is under a great deal of pressure, to not only make the right choice, but also to figure out the financial end of this move into adulthood.  As with your daughter.....the boyfriend just adds one more thing to her already full plate.  She has dealt with anxiety/depression for years, so that also is an issue.


Quoting romalove: What degree program is she interested in? My daughter's first choice school changed through the audition process. It is still in her top tier, but some glaring negatives are more pronounced now. One of the schools my daughter auditioned for is offering her full paid tuition. Three of the schools have professors calling and emailing her, offering help and telling her they hope she will come there. She is under tremendous pressure, not just to make the best decision but also not to disappoint anyone. The boyfriend angle is just another pressure and complication. I too didn't anticipate how stressful this process would be.
Quoting btamilee:

 Looks like several of others are in the same boat.  Our daughter is making up a list of pros and cons.  We are still waiting on the financial packages from both colleges, and in a few weeks my daughter and her dad will be making a short trip out to LA to tour Columbia College Hollywood.  She has already toured UNCSA here in North Carolina.  She is currently living in Maine finishing up her senior year (staying with relatives), so we are trying to figure out the timing on her meeting her dad in LA.  We have had a crazy year living a thousand miles apart, but making this college decision is MUCH more stressful than I expected it to be.  I honestly feel if she had not met her current boyfriend last fall, and carried on a long distance relationship with him.....she would have picked UNCSA (it was her DREAM school a year ago). 


Quoting romalove:

Understand, similar boat here.   I find with my daughter if I push her in one direction or another she pushes back by going the opposite way.  I won't talk about where her boyfriend is going to attend; I talk about what's best for her without that aspect.  I know she has taken it into consideration, and as of yesterday (she has been accepted to six music programs at universities here, most with scholarship offers) she is leaning hard towards the same school her boyfriend will attend. 


If the school the girlfriend is attending is a good school for your son regardless of whether or not they are dating, then I wouldn't sweat it.  If it isn't, I would be pointing out both the negatives of that school for him (without mention of the girlfriend at all), and the positives of something else you think is better.


Good luck.  I know how stressful this is.  I can't wait for my daughter to finalize her choice so we can move on.


 


 

mombrain1994
by Member on Mar. 13, 2014 at 9:36 PM
Samething here ds was accepted to several w great scholarship offers he chose the "safety" school to be close to gf, it has gone well and I am relaxing. We suggested he re look at the offers and recheck options on the final day to sign he signed w the safety school. My point don't push it will bite you on the bum , he can transfer if needed but any added cost will be his good luck

Quoting tweetydmd:

How do I get my son to choose a
college that his girlfriend is not going
too?

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