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Is my son gay or confused

Posted by on Mar. 17, 2014 at 5:04 AM
  • 10 Replies
Tonight my 17 year old son told me that he was bi sexual. I felt that I was being very supportive. The problem I'm having is that my son never dated neither male or female; nor has he ever ingaged in sex. I told him that there was the possibility that he is just confused and before he label himself he should try experiencing first with the female sex. He always told me that he refusses to have sec until hes married and maybe my advice was out of desperation. Has anyone gone through this with a child and what was the outcome?
by on Mar. 17, 2014 at 5:04 AM
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by Silver Member on Mar. 17, 2014 at 6:05 AM
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Hold on a second? You think you were being supportive by telling him to have sex before labelling himself? That is NOT that supportive. Lots of gay people KNOW they are gay even before they've even KISSED someone of the same/opposite gender. My daughter is (secretly -but I know without her knowing I know) gay and all I've said to her is we would love her as much as we love her now. That's all they want/need to hear not "go sleep with a girl and then come back to me" which is what I can almost guarentee your son heard from you even if those weren't the words you used. Go to him and tell him that you will love him no matter what; bi, gay or straight and you will support whatever (legal - so no murder!) choice he makes in his future

by Susie on Mar. 17, 2014 at 8:05 AM
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Sex doesn't make you gay. It is a feeling, attraction etc. People know they are gay from an early age, not because of a sexual attraction. Telling him he may be confused it not being supportive at all.
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by Trisha on Mar. 17, 2014 at 8:16 AM
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I'm sorry but in my opinion you were not supportive at all. Being supportive is telling your son that you are there for him no matter what. That you love and support him. Telling him he's confused is not supportive. 

by on Mar. 17, 2014 at 8:35 AM

By him having sex it will not determine his sexuality. He knows even if you can accept it, let it be and just support him.

by on Mar. 17, 2014 at 8:54 AM

I think that teenagers experience a wide range of emotions and hormonal changes, and sometimes this does create some confusion.  Maybe you can have him see a counselor to help him work through whatever he's feeling.  In fact, it might be good for both of you to see a therapist to figure out how to handle this situation.  Some parents handle these revelations easily, but I don't think most do.  It can be a shocking thing to hear (especially if you had no indication!), and most parents have a difficult time processing it.  I think a professional will be able to help you figure out how you feel and help you know what to say in the future.  Good luck!

by Silver Member on Mar. 17, 2014 at 2:46 PM

He told you he was bisexual and you told him to have sex with a female in case he is confused?

You realise that bisexual and gay aren't the same thing, right?

But to answer your question, yes I have been through it, my oldest came out at 13. She is the only person who knows what she feels, and she's the only one who knows what's going on in her head and her heart. The only thing I told her was that I loved her, and that wasn't going to change any time soon. It's not my position to suggest that her feelings are due to hormones or her age, imagine taking the courage to come out to your parents, something that is so big to you and means so much and for them to just brush it off, or imply that something is wrong with them by suggesting seeing a therapist. If your say, male teenager came up to you and said "I really like this girl" would you suggest therapy, or that he is only interested because he is a teenager? Of course not. I strongly believe that type of behaviour from parents is not okay.

The outcome is that she is a happy, healthy 19yr old in a steady relationship with a lovely girl.  

by on Mar. 17, 2014 at 3:24 PM

"That is awesome son. You will get to enjoy both sexes. I only enjoy one."

by on Mar. 17, 2014 at 3:34 PM

Sex isn't what makes you gay, straight, or bi. Attraction is. If he is attracted to both sexes, he is bi and implying otherwise probably really hurt him. You need to fix that or your going to have a strained relationship with him that could be irreparable in the future.

by Bronze Member on Mar. 17, 2014 at 4:11 PM

I see this as a little less black and white than some of the other responders.  Your son may indeed be bi, or he may be gay, or he may even turn out to be straight.  My youngest brother went through many different 'identities' (straight-bi-gay-bi-straight) before finally deciding what he wanted more than anything else was a monogomous relationship and a family, so he is now married to a woman and the father of an adorable six-year-old boy.  He may in fact be bi, but he dated both men and women for awhile and ultimately chose his wife as his life partner and he is totally devoted to her. He had the entire family's support no matter what. So I don't think your son is necessarily confused, but he may not have 'landed' yet on his life's true path. I do think it is possible to be confused about what constitutes 'attraction.' I often see a woman and think 'Wow!  She is really beautiful!'  But I don't have any desire to be intimate with her. I can see how a young person, of today's more 'enlightened' generation, might confuse admiration with attraction (ie., 'That guy is really hot!  Wow, does that mean I'm bi?'). Your son just needs to know you love him and will support him no matter which direction his life takes him.  Hugs!!!

by Member on Mar. 17, 2014 at 9:19 PM

My son came out about a year ago, he is gay. You don't have to have sex to know who your are attracted to. Telling him he may be confused is belittling he confession. His confession is a gift. Being supportive is telling him you love him no matter who he is attracted to, and be open for him to talk to.

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