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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

Did I mishandle Tattoo issue?

Posted by on Mar. 24, 2014 at 2:04 PM
  • 34 Replies

DH and I have always let our kids know that we believe it is not smart to get a tattoo as a young person.  Not to offend anyone who is a fan of tattoos, but we are oppposed to them for religious reasons as well as the fact that we feel they can be an obstacle to future employment, and generally don't look as good when you're 60 as they did when you were 18.  And they are not easy to 'un-do'!

So my oldest DD (17) and I were talking last night and out of the blue she tells me she wants 5 tattoos.  Small and in not-too-obvious places.  In the past she has always said she will never get a tattoo, although she's a fan of temporary and henna tattoos (I have no problem with that).  I asked her when she plans to get these tattoos and she says "Soon...ish?"  (She will be 18 in December, and we plan to send her to college the following fall.)  We talked about it a little more and I finally told her she is free to do what she likes when she is on her own and paying her own way, but as long as we are still supporting her, she needs to abide by our wishes and refrain from getting permanent markings on her body (I am not opposed to piercings and she does have her ears double pierced and may get more; I also have no problem with 'different' hair colors/cuts).  She gave me a somewhat smirky little smile at that point, which I interpreted as 'What are you gonna do about it?' so I said, "Just remember that WE own your iphone and your car, and there can be consequences for doing things that displease us."  She looked somewhat stricken at that point, then smiled a little more sincerely and said Okay.  Then we said goodnight.  She seemed fine this morning.

Do you think I handled that okay?  Did I go overboard or should I have been more forceful?  Do you think there is anything else I should say to her?

Thank you!

by on Mar. 24, 2014 at 2:04 PM
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Replies (1-10):
atlmom2
by Susie on Mar. 24, 2014 at 2:10 PM
3 moms liked this
We hate them. Our girls know it. Dd 22 has 3. DD 20 has no. Parents are always free to speak their mind. Kids will make up their own mind. At 18 your dd will do as she pleases. I would never make tattoos a make or break issue like you did. Too controlling.
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Beachdeprived
by on Mar. 24, 2014 at 2:52 PM

I personally think you handled it very well and very calmly!  You're right...she can do it if she wants when she turns 18 and if they are on her back or someone inconspicuous, you may never even know about it but you stated your opinion and I think you did great. Maybe she will think about it a little more!  At least your were calm and spoke to her rather than yelled and threatened. You handled it better than I would have.

JC2223
by Member on Mar. 24, 2014 at 3:26 PM
1 mom liked this

I think you handled it fine. Teens are going to push us. You stood your ground, made your expectations clear and warned her what the consequences would be. Just be prepared to follow through if she goes against it.

zacmacsmomm
by Bronze Member on Mar. 24, 2014 at 4:40 PM

This! 

Quoting atlmom2: We hate them. Our girls know it. Dd 22 has 3. DD 20 has no. Parents are always free to speak their mind. Kids will make up their own mind. At 18 your dd will do as she pleases. I would never make tattoos a make or break issue like you did. Too controlling.

 

gdiamante
by Bronze Member on Mar. 24, 2014 at 4:59 PM
1 mom liked this

I think you handled it fine.

mumsy2three
by Shauna on Mar. 24, 2014 at 8:32 PM
2 moms liked this

I agree with this the only difference is that I don't hate them, I have them but I think it's very important to take your time and decide what you are going to get and why.

My dd is 20 and has 5 tattoos. She got all of them after turning 18. She paid for them.

Quoting atlmom2: .... . Parents are always free to speak their mind. Kids will make up their own mind. At 18 your dd will do as she pleases. I would never make tattoos a make or break issue like you did. Too controlling.


jandi3936
by on Mar. 24, 2014 at 8:38 PM
1 mom liked this
Eh...as long as she's working/going to school I don't see what the big deal is, but that's just me. I do think it's important to explain why tattoos may be a bad idea for employment and why getting them young isn't the best choice- which you seem to have done. That's much better than the parents who just outright forbid things without explaining their reasoning. Parents who do that tend to end up with the kids who do things just to piss mom and dad off. I myself have one tattoo that isn't very visible and don't really care for them much.
bexsmum
by Bronze Member on Mar. 24, 2014 at 10:14 PM
3 moms liked this

DD now 21 has 4 all of which she paid for. We signed for the first one when she had it done about 6 weeks before her 18th birthday. All 4 of hers are able to be completely covered when she is at work. DD works in the sports broadcasting field so she has to dress professionally and approiately while in the pressbox and while interviewing players/coaches.It was 3 months into last summers MLL season before one of the team members saw the tattoo on her ribs as they had all gone out to one of the clubs after a game and she had worn club wear and the ones on her ribs were visible.   Tattoo do not have the negative stereotype that used to be acssociated with them. 

I can't see the issue of what a adult does to thier body as a big hill to climb

nana776
by Member on Mar. 25, 2014 at 8:36 AM
1 mom liked this

I'm not sure I would have gone quite so far as to say I would take away the phone and car. I would have respected the fact that she is turning 18 and can now make her own decisions. I would have gone for a compromise and asked her to put them in places I couldn't see them. Then the point is made about some of  the drawbacks of tattoos. Win-win.

mommie2madison
by New Member on Mar. 25, 2014 at 8:48 AM
1 mom liked this
I think you handled it great. You were clear, set the expectation, let it be known what the would-be consequences could entail, but didn't pre-punish before there was a real issue. Good job!

DH & I aren't anti-tattoo, (we both have them) but we have a rule - no add'l piercings or tattoos until 25. So far oldest DD (13), says she thinks that is reasonable & understands our reasons.
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