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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

typical or not for a 14 year old boy

Posted by on Mar. 27, 2014 at 2:27 PM
  • 25 Replies

My son is 14 and right now I would love to put him with his father (would never happen as his father is not a good person or role model).  My son is very defiant and angry.  He would never hurt me physically but the emotional pain hurts worse. He was put on some ADD medicine 4 months ago and that turned his grades around, he was then put on some mood disorder medicine 3 months ago and that seem to be workinig also.  But now he has found a girlfriend and he feels that he does not have to follow rules at home or at school.  I had to hunt him down last weekend because he was not where he said he would be and then he got very upset with me when we finally found him.  I stay on top of his school work with corresponding with his teachers on a weekly basis.  He lies all the time, never know when to belive him or not.  We have taken away his cell phone, his computer, his xbox, everything that means anything to him and it is not helping.  I am at my witts end but am not willing to give up on him. He is not  a terrible kid, meaning he does not skip school, get in trouble with the law, not sure about drugs but i dont believe he is doing any.  Is there any suggestions out there as to what i can do to get him and keep him on the right path.

by on Mar. 27, 2014 at 2:27 PM
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Replies (1-10):
OHgirlinCA
by Bronze Member on Mar. 27, 2014 at 2:30 PM
1 mom liked this

 No, this is not typical behavior.  Some ADHD meds can make those taking them more emotional.  You may want to talk to his doctor about switching to another one and see if that makes a difference. 

williams81209
by on Mar. 27, 2014 at 2:32 PM

My brother is doing roughly the same thing. Except he's 13 and he is getting in trouble at school. He's getting bullied, and being a bully. 

atlmom2
by Susie on Mar. 27, 2014 at 2:35 PM

Family counseling. 

Jinx-Troublex3
by Bronze Member on Mar. 27, 2014 at 2:56 PM
2 moms liked this

I agree with counseling. I would also require him to do som type of community service each week. Homeless shelter, animal shelter, food pantry, etc.

Teens got so into them selves and they need to see and experience the realities of life.

carrollq21
by on Mar. 27, 2014 at 3:00 PM
I have a 14 yr old boy. He's not doing well in school either but he has his moments where he does better. My son is a good kid but he has said things also to me that haven't been nice in the heat of an argument and i always tell him I would never talk to my mom like that. We take away things and he gets better and spends more time with us until his video game and cell privilege come back. As for his cell phone I know he is where he says he is because I don't let him roam around, he needs to have a destination. Since he has an iPhone it has a tracker on it. So you i see on the computer where he his. That's something you should look at if he's not where he says he is. My mom says he is just like my sister, I think it's not fair because I was the good child lol
momto3B
by on Mar. 27, 2014 at 3:16 PM
2 moms liked this

I can appreciate the meds, and certainlty some of his issues could be side effects, but it sounds like he may need some therapy in addition to the meds. He needs to better understand why he is so angry and how to manage it. 

wennyvw
by on Mar. 27, 2014 at 3:32 PM
2 moms liked this

Contrary to popular belief, it IS pretty normal behavior for your 14 year old to be going thru.  Defiance is going to be an issue...he's got a GF now, and wants to be able to do his own thing.  He's trying to find his own way, and he's trying to become much more independant that you're willing to let him.  It's a boy thing.  If he's not skipping school, getting the cops at your door, doing drugs, etc., the behavior is normal.  Even the anger and the outbursts I'm sure you're going thru is normal.  With all the horomnes raging in his body, and the changes he's going through, he's going to be edgy.  I've raised 13 boys (11 of them foster) at this age, and yes, it's normal.  Love him, make him understand that it's NOT ok to act like this, but remember you and your DH were that age as well.  Set boundaries, ground him, etc., but understand that, while many of the things you're going through we ALL went through at that age.  This is the age that the more you push them, the more you push back.  He's just trying to gain his independence mama!!! 

Also, understand that those meds could also be a part of the problem!  Talk to your doctor.

HopeAlive
by on Mar. 27, 2014 at 5:11 PM

I'm so sorry to hear about what's going on... I know you love your son, so this must be difficult for you. Does he have any male mentors/ father figures in his life?

nana776
by Member on Mar. 27, 2014 at 5:55 PM

I think this CAN be typical behavior for teens. At this age they have hormones raging, they have more freedom than ever before and they are realizing that we (parents) don't have as many options for controling them as we used to. 

I think the challenge is to get them to control themselves even with the hormones, to make good choices even when I may never find out, and to get more creative in our ways to disciplining them. 

I got out a driver's manual and showed mine all the different street signs that are out there, I explained that those signs help us stay safe, keep everything from turning into chaos by keeping everyone doing the same things and also let us know what the laws are. I explained that my job as a parent was to be those street signs. sometimes they aren't going to like the signs, but ignoring them could and would bring consequences.

I would also add that whenever my dd starts acting like that, I know that something is going on in her life. It usually takes a little detective work and some talking, but I can usually find out what the problem is and help her deal with the situation.

Boy's Town offers some awesome parenting teens classes. They were a life saver with my oldest.

momwriter
by Member on Mar. 27, 2014 at 6:08 PM

Sorry mama! So far my 14 year old isn't giving me trouble...my 17 year old gave us a harder time, though. He actually finally got diagnosed with anxiety/depression a couple months ago and a low dose of Zoloft is making a big difference. He's so much easier to be around now. You should talk to his dr. and seek therapy for him. My son was in therapy for a while, which helped. Good luck!

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