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I'm tired and done. I just can't keep doing this anymore!

Posted by on Mar. 31, 2014 at 2:20 PM
  • 11 Replies

I have 7 children and love them and have done the best that I can to raise them right. 

When everyone was little it was awesome and I always wanted a large family. I had begged my parents to have more children but my mom had had her tubes tied when I was born. My oldest was born by my first husband and because of our situation when we divorced he took custody and I visited. So, basically he raised her. Then I married again and we had 6 children together. The last one was a big surprise. But, everything was going so well. My 18 yr old is already on her own and had my first grandchild and I just consider this a hiccup in her life because she has really risen to the occasion. She's held down the same job for 2 years and takes care of her own child. She's doing great and going to start going to college P/T. But my 16 yr old and 15 yr olds are driving me quickly to the edge of sanity. 

It's gotten so bad with my 16 yr old that I don't even want to be her mother anymore. And my 15 yr old is on her side so things aren't going well there either. 

I have a social worker coming over tomorrow to talk about what is going on. She hasn't lived in my house for almost a month and has fallen into truancy which the school filed today when she didn't show for the second appointment that they were going to give her anohter chance to straighten up. In our state you can't drop out untill 17 and truancy charges fall on the child after the age of 13. 

Has anyone felt this way? That you just can't do it anymore? I need help.This is not like me to give up my child. Everyone who knows me says that I am a wonderful mom and loving and caring. So, how can I just give up on my child like this? How could we get to this point. My ex husband and I are convinced that she is a Sociopath or something. 

by on Mar. 31, 2014 at 2:20 PM
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Replies (1-10):
by on Mar. 31, 2014 at 3:26 PM

Oh my!! I think there comes a time in every parents journey with difficult children where they say "I just can't take this anymore" You give and give and all they do is take and take. You get to where you can't give anymore because you have given all you can. Teenagers are very difficult to understand even the good ones. I wish you all the best of luck with yours. I am sorry I have no other advice. I wish I could help more. I am not in this type of situation though. 

by on Mar. 31, 2014 at 6:03 PM

I'm sorry to hear about your struggles and hope the social worker will be able to help you with some ideas.  I have two daughters, not as close together in age, but when they got into the teen years, my husband and I discovered that he was a much better communicator with them than I was.  I think that may be true for many dads.  Moms and teen-aged daughters can use a mediator, or sorts, and dads can be wonderful in this role.  You're not a bad mom.  Often, when pressed, teens later say they never hated their parents (moms included...) but the stress and ups and downs hormonally that they experience at this stage in life boil over and can really negatively affect the parenting relationship.  Have you thought of asking your DH to step in and be the one who handles the majority of the tough conversations with them?  Also, if you'd like to speak to a counselor by phone, I know a ministry you can call to schedule a talk with one:  800-232-6459.  In the meantime, hang in there!  Hugs and blessings to you

by Member on Mar. 31, 2014 at 6:06 PM

Thank you for being so understanding. I feared I would get bashed by this post. 

Quoting mom2rhea-ann:

by Member on Mar. 31, 2014 at 6:13 PM

Thank you. My ex husband is my ex mostly because of this ordeal with my 16 yr old. She brought out the anger and aggression in him that I refuse to live with since he refuses to get help with it. After he threatened to leave because of her for the third time, I was ready and willing to say goodbye. 

I see whrere we both caused problems with the raising of the children. He was the disciplinarian and a harsh one at that. I was always trying to make up for his harsh treatments. And now, I feel like I'm to the point that I've just given up, because here we are. With two delinquent teens and still three children to follow and now I'm on my own not that being with him was better, just extress stress, because I felt like I was responsible to protect them but also felt responsible to correct him. I felt by divorcing I was protecting and that I could turn things around by caring and understanding and being a role model, but I fear it is just simply too late.

Quoting WatchmansMoon:
by Member on Mar. 31, 2014 at 7:05 PM
1 mom liked this
You have done everything you can do and are making a good move with the social worker. Family therapy with ex is a good idea . The older teen will have to face the consequences of her actions though. The more you react the more power you give her. Very hard to be neutral and matter of fact but it will have some impact
by Silver Member on Mar. 31, 2014 at 7:57 PM
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You've actually done all the RIGHT things, except in being the soft touch while you were still married.

True story for you: My brother was WORSE than your daughter at this age. MUCH worse. He wound up straightening himself out, and became VERY successful.

by Bronze Member on May. 8, 2014 at 11:43 PM
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Im a little late in replying, but i just want to give my daughter back to her father (my ex) for him to raise or im gunna send my daughter away.  She is 15 and i think bipolar, she is on meds.  I just cant take it anymore and not that i still wouldnt worry if she was at her fathers, but i wouldnt have to deal with the day to day s**t that goes on.  My daughter is in counseling, but it isnt helping and we've been to a lot of counselors.  

by Member on May. 9, 2014 at 11:11 AM

Parenting is hard! You have a very full plate with 7 children to begin with. Teenage girls are hard as it is and then you have bi-polar on top of it. It sounds like you are doing the right things. Hopefully, you can find a medication that helps your DD. Do you have any family, friends, or a teacher that your DD is close to? Maybe they can step in once in awhile when you know there is going to be a difficult issue with your DD. I know my DD never listens to me anymore so I have my DH handle discipline. It sounds like you are raising her right and even though the teen years are rough, she will most likely come out alright in the end. Hugs to you!

by on May. 9, 2014 at 11:37 AM

You are not a bad person or mother. You are just frustrated and out of ideas. That is just being human. I can tell you love your kids, because you don't really want to give up, you just want the pain to go away. Raising teens can be very painful. 

When you talk to the caseworker, ask her about Boy's Town Common Sense Parenting classes. They were a life saver for me with my oldest. It's not your typical parenting classes, they give you some real life solutions to your problems. They teach you how to negotiate with your teen so that you both are happy.  It is also a great source of support. 

(((HUGS))) to you Mamma. Hang in there. Don't give up five minutes before the calvary arrives.

by on May. 9, 2014 at 12:08 PM
Don't give up no matter what, we as mothers deal with a lot of crap. We have to show them who's in charge and in control. Tell them you will not put up with the bs.
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