Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

Tough love hurts

Posted by on Apr. 1, 2014 at 9:02 AM
  • 14 Replies

 First time I held my 16 year old back from a field trip for any reason.  Nasty disrespectful behavior, failing 5 out of 7 classes and filthy hoarder type room (been after her for more than 3 weeks to clean it).  Field trip is to a restaurant for Spanish class - a class she hates and is failing miserably (has a 42 average - 65 is passing).

Part of me feels like I finally showed some real tough love and hit her where it counts... the other part of me wants to cry my eyes out because I feel like a cruel mom.

guess my post is looking for validation that I did the right thing no matter how much it hurts. 

 

by on Apr. 1, 2014 at 9:02 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
GleekingOut
by Silver Member on Apr. 1, 2014 at 9:31 AM

Did the field trip have any sort of grade attached to it or was it just a fun excursion? Personally I would have sent her (seeing as she hates it so much assuming there was a grade attached) and then made her do some sort of report/paper on the whole experience. Did she still go to school that day or did you keep her home entirely?

atlmom2
by Susie on Apr. 1, 2014 at 9:32 AM
3 moms liked this
Our school would not allow a kid go on a field trip if they are failing 5 out of 7 classes. Every teacher has to ok field trips or they can't go. I like that rule.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Carmen66
by Member on Apr. 1, 2014 at 9:32 AM
2 moms liked this

tough love does hurt, but thats the only way to show these kids whos boss. I feel for you cause when my daughter was 15 she was alot to deal with. I was so fed up i sent her to job corp for a yr and a half, she did alot of growing up and now she is a wonderful 28yr old mother of 3 and doing well. Sometimes we have to do things we dont want, but it does help. Good luck to you, I hope you can resolve this matter.


DesertFlower197
by Member on Apr. 1, 2014 at 10:31 AM

My 15.5 year old son was a nasty pill to swallow this am. So I come here...lol.

He left without a hug and kiss goodbye because we got into an argument, over what he was eating for breakfast.  Know why? Cuz I make his breakfast while he surfs his iPad and when I asked him what he wanted to eat, he just said "I don't know." (With an attitude). So I said, "ok, you can make it." That went on to him saying he didn't know how...(buttering English muffins.?" It ruined our whole morning.

So, he went off to school and I feel sad that we didn't leave eachother on a good note.  So my tough love moment this am was, he can make his own damn breakfast if he is going to disrespect.  Still feel bad.

nana776
by Member on Apr. 1, 2014 at 12:38 PM
1 mom liked this

I know it's hard, and it hurts. Just keep reminding yourself of the lesson she is going to learn from this. Keep your eyes on the goal. It is going to be worth it in the end. It's better to hurt a little now than to spend the rest of your life wishing you had done it.

natural_s
by Bronze Member on Apr. 1, 2014 at 12:44 PM

Oh you did the right thing. Don't feel bad.

chattycassie
by Bronze Member on Apr. 1, 2014 at 1:31 PM

 This

Quoting GleekingOut:

Did the field trip have any sort of grade attached to it or was it just a fun excursion? Personally I would have sent her (seeing as she hates it so much assuming there was a grade attached) and then made her do some sort of report/paper on the whole experience. Did she still go to school that day or did you keep her home entirely?

 

mom2rhea-ann
by Member on Apr. 1, 2014 at 1:48 PM
2 moms liked this

I would have done alot more than just not let her go to 1 field trip for 5 out of 7 failing classes......

gdiamante
by Bronze Member on Apr. 1, 2014 at 3:39 PM

You did 100% the RIGHT THING. In fact, if she's doing this badly you may need to do lots more and lots harsher. Revoking a privilege for this kind of behavior doesn't really strike me as "tough love" but rather as a natural consequence for her actions and failures.

Now, I will echo the question someone asked about whether there is class credit involved in this trip. If there is, consult the teacher about making it up (and about getting her to a passing grade altogether). DO NOT REVERSE THE PUNISHMENT! It will remove your parental power and things will get worse rather than better.

If *this* is making you feel cruel, you may need to stiffen your spine a bit. It doesn't strike me as cruel at all. YOU DONE GOOD! Now keep doing it! Our job is not to be our kids' friends. Our job is to civilize them and get them ready for the world. It will mean being "cruel" when needed.

Jessiejack
by Silver Member on Apr. 1, 2014 at 8:59 PM

 I only laughed when I was reading this because I did this to my 6yr old this weekend. The funny part was he knew how to make his own toast and even put cream cheese on it. I was pretty impressed. But on the other hand I would not call this tough love for a 15.5 yr old. I would call it growing up.

Quoting DesertFlower197:

My 15.5 year old son was a nasty pill to swallow this am. So I come here...lol.

He left without a hug and kiss goodbye because we got into an argument, over what he was eating for breakfast.  Know why? Cuz I make his breakfast while he surfs his iPad and when I asked him what he wanted to eat, he just said "I don't know." (With an attitude). So I said, "ok, you can make it." That went on to him saying he didn't know how...(buttering English muffins.?" It ruined our whole morning.

So, he went off to school and I feel sad that we didn't leave eachother on a good note.  So my tough love moment this am was, he can make his own damn breakfast if he is going to disrespect.  Still feel bad.

 

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)