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needing advice please help

Posted by on Apr. 4, 2014 at 1:48 AM
  • 13 Replies
I have two boys they are a year and a half apart and they are always fight with each other to the point where the younger ones glasses get broke and one of them gets hurt I know siblings fight but this is no sibling rivalry it gets down right physical and I am afraid one time someone is going to get hurt seriously enough to be killed or hospitalized if not one of them getting one of them hurting me for trying to step in and brake it up I had to send the oldest to his grandparents house tonight because of them fighting today my oldest has a nice gash on his hand (not bad enough for stitches ) and a busted finger nail to the point where his nail bed is exposed and the youngests glasses got broke again fyi they fight over everything I am at my wits end with them and its bad enough it makes my depression cause problems and I think I am a failure as a parent. I know its not easy on any of my kids because their dad is not part of their lives
it don't effect them because they don't like their biological dad. Any advice will be helpful I am at wits end on what to do by the way they are 14 1/2
16 the youngest will be 15 next month
by on Apr. 4, 2014 at 1:48 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Momoftwinkies
by Member on Apr. 4, 2014 at 1:51 AM
I have no idea. {{HUGS}}
Bump
atlmom2
by Susie on Apr. 4, 2014 at 8:20 AM
Should have been diciplined first time it happened.
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Msgme
by Silver Member on Apr. 4, 2014 at 8:39 AM

Thats something that should of been dealt with when they younger.   My kids fight sometimes but it does not get physical.  they tried when they were younger but the consequences were always really bad.  Thats what you have to do now.  Make the consequences even worse then the fear of getting hurt. 

suesues
by Silver Member on Apr. 5, 2014 at 7:40 AM

stop it now take everything away till they behave and stick to it . too old to act like that Dont use the dad thing as an excuse they need to learn how to behave 

HopesNDreams
by Member on Apr. 5, 2014 at 8:02 AM
How and when did it get this bad?

When I taught young children, I always shook my head when the little boys were aggressive and the parents excused it by saying 'boys will be boys'. Eventually, those boys grow larger and stronger.

Do they respect you? Be honest. That's where change will start. They will have to respect you to be willing to follow your rules and respond to your word when tempers and hormones flare during a physical fight. You will also have to be around constantly to intervene at the first indicator of trouble. Get up, walk over, stand over them, and teach them how to talk it out - they never learned how. You will need to have a phone in your hand and you will have 9 and 1 dialed. You finger will be on the number 1. At the first indicator of physical violence, you hit the 1 and call the police. This us how they will learn. You can not send them out into the world like this.
gdiamante
by Bronze Member on Apr. 5, 2014 at 4:09 PM

This will sound horrible... but when physical abuse happens that's when the police are called, for your safety and the safety of the others in your home.

Linagma03
by Member on Apr. 5, 2014 at 6:10 PM

At this age you will be lucky if you can have them continue to live in the same house. If you are lucky it may change when one is seriously hurt or one presses charges. The chances are better that they aren't going to change just get worse because of it. 

Mrs.butterfly
by on Apr. 6, 2014 at 7:39 PM
they have always been taught that fighting is not acceptable from the time they were little. it just seems to be since they have been teenagers that it has become physical. They have never been involved in wrestling or football so it don't come from them thinking one has to dominate the other to win. They have not had a father around most their life their dad left me when the oldest was three their father was verbally abusive never physically so the physical dose not come from them seeing it happen to me before their dd left me. They don't even have any contact with their father and not by my choice its by their dads choice he don't see them. They have men to look up to they are close to their grandpa and my younger brother so they don't lack the male role models in their lives and we live blocks from both of them they so they are always there. They do skateboard at a local skate park where we live. They have not been in trouble with the law and the fighting is not all the time just once in a blew moon it happens once I separate them they are good and don't fight for after that. I just don't know what to how I can stop the physical fighting all together. I don't mind them wrestling and having fun but when it gets physical and they hurt each other that I get concerned and don't like. I know they need to learn and be able to defend themselves but I don't want them to get in trouble for fighting with someone outside of the house and have them press charges. I have had one in trouble with the law and don't want anymore their.
gdiamante
by Bronze Member on Apr. 6, 2014 at 8:38 PM

Then when the wrestling starts you STOP it. You tell them they can wrestle in the school gym and NOWHERE else, and you follow it up woirth revocation of privileges.

Get them involved in some kind of team sport where they can work this out. Or martial arts.

Mrs.butterfly
by on Apr. 7, 2014 at 3:24 AM
I don't mind the wrestling as long as it doesn't get physical and they start hurting each other. They have no desire to do sports or martial arts so why forse to do something they don't want to do
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