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Am going about this right

Posted by on Apr. 6, 2014 at 7:49 AM
  • 9 Replies

Well my aunt has a lesbian girlfriend and she has a 25 year old son my daughter thinks of him as her brother and has been getting a ride home from school from him for three days straight (she's 14) I told her she could go to his house on Friday to help him do chores in return for him being nice and come to find out he is disabled for life and lives in the ghetto so he could catch up on his car payment and got his car repoed that was the final straw my daughter had to be brought home by his girlfriend 3 hours late and her backpack was in the car that was towed and she can't get it back because the towing company is closed on weekends and open on Monday but u can only go there by appointment so I told my aunts girlfriend to tell her son stop talking to my daughter and giving her rides home my daughter was crushed so she ran away to her friends house without permission after I told her no so I grounded her seven days no electronics no friends and no contacting her aunts girlfriends son. Did I make the right decsion

by on Apr. 6, 2014 at 7:49 AM
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Replies (1-9):
StreetsAhead
by Member on Apr. 6, 2014 at 7:55 AM

I don't understand, it isnt your daughter fault that the guys car was towed she was being punished (by not seeing him) for something she had no control over, so she was bound to act out and then get punished for acting out.

Should she have gone to her mates house without saying? no, but you acted in a way that was not proportional to something she couldnt control.. So no, I dont think you did make the right decision

sahlady
by Gold Member on Apr. 6, 2014 at 11:52 AM
3 moms liked this

huh?

1.  why did you need to tell us your aunt is gay?

2. why is a 25 yr old MAN always around and available to drive a 14 yr old girl home?

3. why did you tell her she could go home with a 25 yr old man who has "chores" when you didnt even know where he lived?

4. why did you tell the aunts girlfriend to talk to the son?  why would you not handle things directly yourself?  

5. why would you get mad at the son when YOU gave her permission to be there.... as a "thank you" which would mean you/she is grateful for the rides.

6. Dont you find it odd that your daughter (14) would be SO crushed she cant talk to a 25 yr old MAN that she ran away???  You see no red flags???


cybcm
by Bronze Member on Apr. 6, 2014 at 12:30 PM
What on earth...?
atlmom2
by Susie on Apr. 6, 2014 at 1:03 PM
Confusing crazy post.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
mommyofthezoo03
by on Apr. 6, 2014 at 1:05 PM


Quoting sahlady:

huh?

1.  why did you need to tell us your aunt is gay?

2. why is a 25 yr old MAN always around and available to drive a 14 yr old girl home?

3. why did you tell her she could go home with a 25 yr old man who has "chores" when you didnt even know where he lived?

4. why did you tell the aunts girlfriend to talk to the son?  why would you not handle things directly yourself?  

5. why would you get mad at the son when YOU gave her permission to be there.... as a "thank you" which would mean you/she is grateful for the rides.

6. Dont you find it odd that your daughter (14) would be SO crushed she cant talk to a 25 yr old MAN that she ran away???  You see no red flags???

Exactly what she said. I don't easily trust people with my kids. I do think you were wrong to punish your child in any way. I don't see what she did wrong. 

                                   

nana776
by Member on Apr. 6, 2014 at 1:41 PM

Hun, I'm not trying to be mean here, but you mishandled this from the very beginning, in my honest opinion. There is no way my dd would have been getting rides from or going to the home of a 25 yo man that I barely knew. Then to take it out on her, when the situation blew up, was wrong. I would talk to her, apologize for your mistakes, tell her that running away is not acceptable, and then let her off the hook for the grounding.

You goofed, but that's ok as long as you learn from your mistake, right? 

suesues
by Silver Member on Apr. 7, 2014 at 7:25 AM

just keep her away from 25 old man dont punish her for his faults 

Ewa101
by Bronze Member on Apr. 7, 2014 at 7:28 AM

I think you overreacted because you were just shocked about his living conditions.  Maybe it's your daughter's fault that she did not prepare you for how he lived, but then maybe she wasn't aware that this would be so much of a shock for you.

This all happened very quickly.  It looks like this boy means a lot to your daughter.  Why exactly don't you want them seeing each other?

I think you should first sort out your feelings, and then talk to your daughter, and if you feel you overreacted, I think you should tell her that, too.

 

ItsaJOB
by Bronze Member on Apr. 7, 2014 at 9:03 AM

A 14 year old getting a ride home with a 25 year old man does not set well with me, at all, unless you know this boy VERY well and feel like he is just that...like a brother.  The living conditions probably was a shock to you, but perhaps you should have found this out before you allowed your dd to to go there.  So, him being disabled for life means, what, as far as driving?  Shouldn't he be driving, then?  Your post is a little confusing.  Are you just mad because his car was towed and your dd's backpack was in the car?  It wasn't her fault the car was towed, and consequently, that her backpack was in the car.  That, alone, was a natural consequence that you didn't need to punish her for.  She should have taken it out of the car before it was towed, but it sounds like that happened pretty quickly.  Regardless, it wasn't her fault.

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