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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

Tragic news, advice?

Posted by on Apr. 8, 2014 at 9:33 AM
  • 10 Replies
My 17 yo son has been dating a sweet girl for almost 4 months now. Though they have know eachother for 3 years. They go to different schools. When he is not in school or working he spends his time with her. If he isnt with her he is on the phone or facetime with her. This is the first girlfriend he has had that he has turned down hanging out with his buddies to spend time with her.

I have met her mom and step dad but don't really know them. Today my son tells me that his gf just found out that her mom has stage 4 cancer and is going to die. I knew she had some health issues, but had no idea how bad. I feel like I want to help or do something, my heart is just breaking for her and her family. I want to offer my support but don't want to hurt the poor girl. I don't know how much time her mom has. Her daughter and my son are supposed to go to prom next month. It just hurts my heart to think about her mom not seeing her in her prom dress. It just isnt fair...
by on Apr. 8, 2014 at 9:33 AM
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Replies (1-10):
atlmom2
by Susie on Apr. 8, 2014 at 9:38 AM
1 mom liked this

You have to hope for the best.  My sister in law passed away at Thanksgiving and battled stage 4 breast cancer for 23 months.  He just needs to be there for her.  There is nothing anyone can really say.  Maybe make some meals for them and he just needs to support her.  Hard to lose a parent when you are young.  I was 23 when my Dad died suddenly.  It changes you forever and you miss out on so much. 

browneyedbitty
by Member on Apr. 8, 2014 at 9:56 AM
Thank you. I plan to talk to my son this afternoon, he told me this morning when I was driving him to school. I know he is going to struggle with his feelings and wanting to be there for her and feeling inadequate.. They are so young. I hate to think of all the things that will be missed. I get the feeling her mom is nearing the end and they waited to tell their daughter to try to protect her.

I am so sorry about your sister in law. Also losing your dad so young.

Quoting atlmom2:

You have to hope for the best.  My sister in law passed away at Thanksgiving and battled stage 4 breast cancer for 23 months.  He just needs to be there for her.  There is nothing anyone can really say.  Maybe make some meals for them and he just needs to support her.  Hard to lose a parent when you are young.  I was 23 when my Dad died suddenly.  It changes you forever and you miss out on so much. 

atlmom2
by Susie on Apr. 8, 2014 at 10:03 AM

If they were not up front that is really sad.  Part of the grieving process starts as soon as the diagnosis happens.  Sad they kept her from that.  It didn't protect her really.  She probably feels betrayed.  I can see keeping it from a young child that can't understand but any child school age and older can understand.

Quoting browneyedbitty: Thank you. I plan to talk to my son this afternoon, he told me this morning when I was driving him to school. I know he is going to struggle with his feelings and wanting to be there for her and feeling inadequate.. They are so young. I hate to think of all the things that will be missed. I get the feeling her mom is nearing the end and they waited to tell their daughter to try to protect her. I am so sorry about your sister in law. Also losing your dad so young.
Quoting atlmom2:

You have to hope for the best.  My sister in law passed away at Thanksgiving and battled stage 4 breast cancer for 23 months.  He just needs to be there for her.  There is nothing anyone can really say.  Maybe make some meals for them and he just needs to support her.  Hard to lose a parent when you are young.  I was 23 when my Dad died suddenly.  It changes you forever and you miss out on so much. 


browneyedbitty
by Member on Apr. 8, 2014 at 10:11 AM
I totally agree. I am not certain they have not know all along, but I do know she has been in and out of the hospital for the past several months. Everytime I would ask my son he would say he wasn't sure, but that his gf told him that her mom was going in to be monitored and have tests.

I hope that makes sense, using my phone to post and the cursor does not want to cooperate.

Quoting atlmom2:

If they were not up front that is really sad.  Part of the grieving process starts as soon as the diagnosis happens.  Sad they kept her from that.  It didn't protect her really.  She probably feels betrayed.  I can see keeping it from a young child that can't understand but any child school age and older can understand.

Quoting browneyedbitty: Thank you. I plan to talk to my son this afternoon, he told me this morning when I was driving him to school. I know he is going to struggle with his feelings and wanting to be there for her and feeling inadequate.. They are so young. I hate to think of all the things that will be missed. I get the feeling her mom is nearing the end and they waited to tell their daughter to try to protect her.

I am so sorry about your sister in law. Also losing your dad so young.

Quoting atlmom2:

You have to hope for the best.  My sister in law passed away at Thanksgiving and battled stage 4 breast cancer for 23 months.  He just needs to be there for her.  There is nothing anyone can really say.  Maybe make some meals for them and he just needs to support her.  Hard to lose a parent when you are young.  I was 23 when my Dad died suddenly.  It changes you forever and you miss out on so much. 

SugarrCane
by Member on Apr. 8, 2014 at 2:28 PM

That's really sad and devastating news for her family.  I would probably send flowers at this time and keep her and her family in your thoughts and prayers.

sahlady
by Gold Member on Apr. 8, 2014 at 4:09 PM
2 moms liked this

could you get some people to pitch in and hire a photographer to do a family portrait, or a photo session with her and her mom?

gdiamante
by Bronze Member on Apr. 11, 2014 at 2:32 AM

Stage IV doesn't necessarily mean she's going to die before the prom. My mother was diagnosed with Stage IV colon cancer in June 2005. She died in January 2007.

browneyedbitty
by Member on Apr. 11, 2014 at 9:25 AM
I spoke to her husband. Her organs are shutting down and the doctor said she doesnt have long. So sad.

So sorry about your mom. We lost my dh's mom to colon cancer also, she fought for a year before she passed. Cancer is evil.

Quoting gdiamante:

Stage IV doesn't necessarily mean she's going to die before the prom. My mother was diagnosed with Stage IV colon cancer in June 2005. She died in January 2007.

AuntieV
by Member on Apr. 11, 2014 at 1:32 PM
1 mom liked this

If the mom is in the hospital could you offer to do anything for the family. Like laundry or making sure the ones at the hospital are getting meals or need anything? I would encourage your son to be supportive of his GF and offer to help anyway he can.If hospice is involved you might contact them to see if they have any suggestions also. 

Maverick1957
by Member on Apr. 12, 2014 at 10:52 PM

That's so sad!  My DS's fiance's mom also has cancer.   I'd just do like the others say and be there to help out any way you can.  I really like the idea of having a family portrait made.  Condolences to your son and her family.

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