Okay, I know I got your attention with this title so I am hoping that I will get some good responses about this subject.
I'm s little embarassed to say it and I know that there are some who would not agree with the way I did it. Last night, I woke up about 3:00 in the morning and laid there for a minute then I just thought since everyones sleeping, this might be a good time for looking in my daughter's cell phone. It has been a while since I have looked at it. I know that many would think htat this is just invading privacy but this is something we told our kids that we may do from time to time as long as they are in our house and we are paying for the phones. I think it is just part of parenting. It is not a secret we keep. We have told all our kids that this will happen sometimes and it has. My one daughter has told me that she prefers I do it while she's sleeping if I do it so I follow her wishes. Our other kids, we occasionall just ask them straight out for their phones. Although I has been a loooooong time since we have done this. Unless there is a specific reason we feel the need to check (such as discipline) we usually try casually do it in a fun way as to not make them feel disciplined or like a suspect. As for this daughter that I checked, Like I said , it has been a long time because there was no reason. However last night, I just woke up and after a few minutes I just thought to check it probably mainly because I was bored.
Now, here's the problem. I soon discovered in her texts a picture of her boyfriends penis which he had texted to her. I began looking at the surrounding pics which they had been texting to each other that evening a few nights ago and found a few pics of his and her naked bodies and body parts being exchanged between them. I was not expecting to see all this. Now I'm just at a loss on how to handle this. I know I should talk to her tonight. I'm going to have to clearly think through all this in my head before this evening. I have questions:
- How should I begin this conversation?
- What should I say?
- What form/if any discipline action (other than talking) should I take with her?
They are both Christians and completely know better. I know (also from reading texts a while back) that they did have sex one time and had made a commitment not to again until marriage and have started keeping themselves in public areas to help with this since then. It is not a problem we need to worry much about since they live 4 hours apart and only see each other for a few days each month. They truly believe that they are going to marry. Overall, they still want to wait until their wedding night before they really begin a real sexual realtionship. But ofcourse thier minds get muddled from time to time as they did that night (I could read it in their conversation)and they start thinking about the fact that they have had sex once and they are going to get married so it's really not a big deal. They just wanted to be together do it again.
I don't know what to do. I need to get my head cleared up a little bit so I can really begin thinking about how to handle this rather than just thinking that I need to do something. If someone could give me some thioughts, ideas comments anything to help me out, I'd appreciate it.
I need help.