Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

I Saw Her Boyfriend's Penis

Posted by on Apr. 17, 2014 at 9:29 AM
  • 37 Replies

 

 Okay, I know I got your attention with this title so I am hoping that I will get some good responses about this subject.

I'm s little embarassed to say it and I know that there are some who would not agree with the way I did it.  Last night, I woke up about 3:00 in the morning and laid there for a minute then I just thought since everyones sleeping, this might be a good time for looking in my daughter's cell phone.  It has been a while since I have looked at it.  I know that many would think htat this is just invading privacy but this is something we told our kids that we may do from time to time as long as they are in our house and we are paying for the phones.  I think it is just part of parenting.   It is not a secret we keep.  We have told all our kids that this will happen sometimes and it has.  My one daughter has told me that she prefers I do it while she's sleeping if I do it so I follow her wishes.  Our other kids, we occasionall just ask them straight out for their phones.  Although I has been a loooooong time since we have done this.  Unless there is a specific reason we feel the need to check (such as discipline) we usually try casually do it in a fun way as to not make them feel disciplined or like a suspect.  As for this daughter that I checked, Like I said , it has been a long time because there was no reason.  However last night, I just woke up and after a few minutes I just thought to check it probably mainly because I was bored.

Now, here's the problem.  I soon discovered in her texts a picture of her boyfriends penis which he had texted to her.  I began looking at the surrounding pics which they had been texting to each other that evening a few nights ago and found a few pics of his and her naked bodies and body parts being exchanged between them.  I was not expecting to see all this.  Now I'm just at a loss on how to handle this.  I know I should talk to her tonight.  I'm going to have to clearly think through all this in my head before this evening.  I have questions:

  • How should I begin this conversation?
  • What should I say?
  • What form/if any discipline action (other than talking) should I take with her?

They are both Christians and completely know better.  I know (also from reading texts a while back) that they did have sex one time and had made a commitment not to again until marriage and have started keeping themselves in public areas to help with this since then.  It is not a problem we need to worry much about since they live 4 hours apart and only see each other for a few days each month.  They truly believe that they are going to marry.  Overall, they still want to wait until their wedding night before they really begin a real sexual realtionship.  But ofcourse thier minds get muddled  from time to time as they did that night (I could read it in their conversation)and they start thinking about the fact that they have had sex once and they are going to get married so it's really not a big deal.  They just wanted to be together do it again.  

I don't know what to do.  I need to get my head cleared up a little bit so I can really begin thinking about how to handle this rather than just thinking that I need to do something.  If someone could give me some thioughts, ideas comments anything to help me out, I'd appreciate it.

I need help.

Click my tag to follow me to:


by on Apr. 17, 2014 at 9:29 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
gabyangy
by Member on Apr. 17, 2014 at 9:34 AM

How old is your daughter?  And I would definitely talk to her about birth control and explain to her that sexting is a big No No.  I have a 19 and 20 year old and my 20 year old called me two weeks ago (she is in college) and ask me to find her a doctor so she can get on birth control. 

dandylynes
by Bronze Member on Apr. 17, 2014 at 9:36 AM
2 moms liked this

Well, if my 15 y/o did that, I would be taking her phone away for sure.  A long talk needs to be said about consequences like this.  The fact that both of them can now be charged for child pornography.  

And I agree with pp, it can't hurt to get her on some form of birth control.  It's better to be safe than have an oops baby.  NO matter how well you have taught them, your daughter has her own mind and teens are notorious for doing their own thing.


What does being Christian have to do with them exchanging pictures and knowing better?  Mine is Atheist and she doesn't do that and has morals.

stephs5isenough
by Member on Apr. 17, 2014 at 9:40 AM

 My daughter will be 17 in a 4 weeks.  Her boyfriend is 18.  They are both great kids.  But, obviously this is unacceptable. 

I know I need to talk to her. I'm just a little uptight about how I should go about it

Quoting gabyangy:

How old is your daughter?  And I would definitely talk to her about birth control and explain to her that sexting is a big No No.  I have a 19 and 20 year old and my 20 year old called me two weeks ago (she is in college) and ask me to find her a doctor so she can get on birth control. 

 

dandylynes
by Bronze Member on Apr. 17, 2014 at 9:41 AM

There are programs you can install on Smart Phones that back up their texts and email them to you.

wakymom
by Silver Member on Apr. 17, 2014 at 9:42 AM
3 moms liked this

 I'd start the conversation w/ "Remember how I said I would be randomly checking your phone? I did so recently and found. . ." and go from there.

If she is normally a good kid and this is her first offense, I would be inclined to not take her phone just yet. Have a serious talk w/ her about why what they were doing is wrong, and check her phone a lot more frequently. A 2nd offense would mean lose of the phone for a set amount of time.

 

 

 

stephs5isenough
by Member on Apr. 17, 2014 at 9:47 AM
1 mom liked this

 good  This sounds  like a good plan.  Thank You so much for helping me get started.

I think it is just much easier to look at things in the right way and be able to think clearly when you are not directly involved.  I think you have done that well and I find this helpful in getting my mind on track.   Thank You.

Quoting wakymom:

 I'd start the conversation w/ "Remember how I said I would be randomly checking your phone? I did so recently and found. . ." and go from there.

If she is normally a good kid and this is her first offense, I would be inclined to not take her phone just yet. Have a serious talk w/ her about why what they were doing is wrong, and check her phone a lot more frequently. A 2nd offense would mean lose of the phone for a set amount of time.

 

 

 

 

atlmom2
by Susie on Apr. 17, 2014 at 9:48 AM
2 moms liked this
If your dd is a teen you are not ever envading her privacy. Take the phone away and punish her.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Starrnak
by New Member on Apr. 17, 2014 at 10:51 AM
I would talk to his parents too. Children don't know the severity of this type of thing. Depending on their ages, both now have child pornography on thier phones. Also , ask her how she would feel if her father or another adult make were to see it. With the internet that is totally possible. :(
stephs5isenough
by Member on Apr. 17, 2014 at 10:53 AM

 My daughter will be 17 in a month.  Her boyfriend is 18.

Quoting Starrnak: I would talk to his parents too. Children don't know the severity of this type of thing. Depending on their ages, both now have child pornography on thier phones. Also , ask her how she would feel if her father or another adult make were to see it. With the internet that is totally possible. :(

 

Starrnak
by New Member on Apr. 17, 2014 at 10:59 AM
1 mom liked this
Depending on the state, he could be charged. I'm NOT saying he should be, but teenagers lack the ability to think things through fully. I will be praying for you in this situation. :( parenting is not for the faint of heart.

Quoting stephs5isenough:

 My daughter will be 17 in a month.  Her boyfriend is 18.


Quoting Starrnak: I would talk to his parents too. Children don't know the severity of this type of thing. Depending on their ages, both now have child pornography on thier phones. Also , ask her how she would feel if her father or another adult make were to see it. With the internet that is totally possible. :(

 

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)