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Help! Like Daughter's 1st Boyfriend, but found hickie after telling not to do this again

Posted by on Apr. 21, 2014 at 10:24 PM
  • 9 Replies

I really like my daughter's first boyfriend. He is respectful of her and a gentlemen at our house. He enjoys visiting with us and invites her out a lot. His family values are similar to ours. They are both 15 and attend different schools. They have been dating officially over two months. 

A month ago our daughter had a hickie on her neck. We told her and also him that we do not approve of this as it is disrespectful. Well, today I took my daughter to her doctor as she is ill and the doctor looked at her arm (as did I) it looked to me like there were burns or someone had squeezed it. When I asked her what happened, she mentioned her boyfriend. I asked if this was hickie(s)? She said yes.

I know it's not the neck, but it looks so strange on her arms. I still feel it's disrespectful to her. I have told her my feelings and don't want to give ultimatums. It's hard to weigh the good with the bad. Any advice would be so greatly appreciated.

by on Apr. 21, 2014 at 10:24 PM
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Replies (1-9):
atlmom2
by Susie on Apr. 21, 2014 at 10:50 PM
Is she on BC? 15 is too young to date alone or be alone. Where did this happen??
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mgm_5
by Member on Apr. 21, 2014 at 10:56 PM
I'm with the PP, get her on b.c. She's probably sexually active, telling her not to do something will not stop her, i think she's too young to be alone with this boy
suesues
by Silver Member on Apr. 22, 2014 at 9:24 AM

hope he is not abusing her 

cybcm
by Bronze Member on Apr. 22, 2014 at 9:39 AM
I'm confused as to the disrespectful comments.What is disrespectful here?
Beachdeprived
by on Apr. 22, 2014 at 9:50 AM
1 mom liked this

Good morning. Well, I don't recall any guy giving me hickies on my arms. I'm guessing they are just being silly and he's kissing her arm and then doing this but I understand your comment about disrespect... It does looks bad when a girl walks about with a hickie no matter where it is. I'm just curious if the doctor said anything else about it.  Your DD had to feel awkward about it when the doc saw it. Maybe that alone will make her think twice. Maybe talk to her about it again and ask her how she felt when the doctor saw and if she was embarrassed about it. I think she needs to understand that people will judge her and draw conclusions when they see hickies... whether the conclusions/judgements are right or wrong, it just gives a bad appearance. I've just always thought hickies were so gross. I don't understand why kids think they are cool....like a badge of honor. Gee look... I let some guy suck on my neck. Ugh! How is that attractive!  you don't show your feelings for someone by leaving a big ol' red nasty mark on their body! Tell her that... there is nothing romantic or loving about a hickie. :)

nana776
by Member on Apr. 22, 2014 at 10:05 AM
1 mom liked this

I have stressed to my kids that hickies are a form of branding that is disrepectful to them and their partners. We have also discussed the message that it sends out to the world (what do people think when they see a hickie, most kids assume that they had sex) and is that the what they want people to think. Maybe if you talked to them about it from that angle. Good Luck!!

I absolutely detest hickies!!!

Crazylife1994
by on Apr. 23, 2014 at 1:14 PM

I have to agree with previous comment. In our home dating isn't allowed until they are 16. When they did we had that talk all over again about safe sex and consequences. My girls both have implanon to prevent pregnacy and they all have access to condoms.

We don't condone sex but we aren't nieve enough to think if we tell them not that they won't. We do everything we can to help them make a responsible decision.

Msgme
by Silver Member on Apr. 24, 2014 at 10:36 AM
1 mom liked this

IMO they should not be alone to be getting/giving hickies  No unsupervised visits

Serendipitous1
by Member on Apr. 24, 2014 at 11:07 AM
1 mom liked this

Thank you all for all of the replies. When something like this happens, it is so good to hear different points of view. This happened at his house while she was visiting - his friend and mother were there. My daughter and I are very close and she told me he was just joking, but I advised her that this is branding and is not respectful to her or who she is at all. It is not to happen again. Although, I do know that he respects my daughter very much. I found out that after this hickie incident occurred that he wanted her to go to an outdoor event the very next day and she did not care to go. I sense she may have felt manipulated by what occured now that I know. The following day, he joined us for an Easter gathering. He even came over to our home that evening to spend time as they both have busy weeks ahead. We do not leave the kids alone. They are either at our house or at his parents in the open (or, out with us or his parents – or at a school event). The only time they are alone is when he walks her to the door. We have a good relationship with his parents. I did find out that he dated a girl before and has been hurt. He knows our daughter is a nice girl. She is not on BC. I keep the dialog open about BC and about the progress of the relationship. I was shocked when these two started dating at 15.5! My daughter is very active in school and has straight As. She works extremely hard! The BF is very respectful of this because that is who she is. He attends another school in the community and has to work hard in school and his activities as well. I know now that she has mentioned this to him. Her father will talk to the BF when we see him next... With regard to the BC recommendations, are there many girls on this?

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