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My 17 year old daughter is having risky sex with boys. DESPERATELY need help!!

Posted by on Apr. 22, 2014 at 3:01 AM
  • 16 Replies

Hi, I'm at my wits end.  My daughter Lisa is 17 years old and will be 18 in just over two months.

I came home from work early 3 weeks ago and Lisa had gone to the shops. She had left the computer logged into her username which she never usually does.  I took the opportunity to check what she had been doing and I discovered dozens of videos of her giving boys oral sex.  I was so shocked but I played a handful of them and forwarded into the videos a bit to try and see if she was being pressured into it but it was obvious she wasn't.  It was clear there's more than one boy involved though.  From the few I viewed it seemed there were at least four different boys but probably more. They all seemed to be shot using mobile phones from the boys perspective looking down at her so I didn't see their faces but some of the boys voices are different.   They were not using condoms and I viewed one lad climax in her mouth before I couldn't stomach watching any more.

I confronted her when she got back and we had a huge row. I lost my temper and slapped her which I shouldn't have done and apologised straight away. She was furious that I had checked through her stuff but she just wouldn't listen when I was trying to tell her how dangerous and risky it is as she could easily catch an STD or one of these boys  could make her do something she doesn't want to do.  She admitted one boy talked her into doing it and then told several of his mates who asked her for the same.  She said she refused them at first but went along with it as it's made her popular with all the boys and they are interested in her now and she likes the attention she is getting.  She said that these boys have been emailing her the videos which is how they got onto the computer.

This has been a source of constant friction every since and she refuses to listen to me despite the risks. I want to go round to see the parents of some of the boys I know she knows but I have no way to prove that they could be involved and have considered if I do that it could let the cat out of the bag with everyone finding out about it and she could get a terrible reputation  I thought about going to the police but am not sure what they could do as the sex is consensual..

I phoned her father with whom I am divorced and he invited her over for a few days to try and talk to her but she wouldn't go and I haven't been able to talk him into coming over yet to see her and I'm now more angry with him than my daughter fo not trying to help me straight away.

She's still going out though. Not as often as she was in the evening but I'm not sure what she's doing while I am at work. I don't feel I can stop her going out though as this may make the situation harder to handle.   She left school at 16 and so far has not found herself a work placement or any sort of training scheme.

I'm trying to find ways to get through to her but so far I've just seemed to be banging my head against a brick wall.

Can anyone offer me any advice?

Sarah.

by on Apr. 22, 2014 at 3:01 AM
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Replies (1-10):
GleekingOut
by Silver Member on Apr. 22, 2014 at 4:51 AM

Firstly at 16, my kid would have NOT been allowed to leave school until she had either a job or some sort of technical school/TAFE (a step down from college, but a step up from high school) course in place. Secondly, she would be grounded and the videos would be deleted. She CAN be charged with poseessing and making child pornography if anyone found these videos. She would go nowhere, unless she is willing to go back to school until she turns 18, then she either respects your rules and requests (reasonably) or she moves out. And if she chooses to move out because of her actions, then she takes NOTHING but the things she has paid for herself. Even if that means she leaves with nothing more than the clothes on her back. You work - then you either line her up with some volunteer work during the day, OR you hire a babysitter and make her pay you for it through chores. Normally I'd suggest counselling, but she will probably refuse that too. How is her relationship with her dad?

cybcm
by Bronze Member on Apr. 22, 2014 at 5:08 AM
3 moms liked this
I'm sure everyone else will cover the disciplinary stuff, but I've been there, done that, got the tshirt, most likely have been in much deeper then she is, so I'm going to say something else.

Tell her that a former prostitute wants her to know that you can get chlamydia in your throat. Your throat puffs up, gets red, but you don't realise it's anything more until it starts seeping, so you start coughing up this pus-like fluid. It's a bitch to get rid of, took 5 rounds of antibiotics for me, and then you are left with man-voice, which is just charming.
So that is why you use a condom or dental dam when having casual oral sex.
Sarah011278
by on Apr. 22, 2014 at 6:26 AM

Many thanks.  Her relationship witth her dad is a bit strained.  I thnk she is probably a bit resentful for him walking out on us in the first place. She goes to stay with him occasionally but never for too long.

I left the videos at the time and didn't delete them.  Thought it might be better in case I needed to prove what has been going on.  I don't have immediate access to them though as her pass is active on her user account but can take the computer to a specialist to get it unlocked in necessary.

Sarah011278
by on Apr. 22, 2014 at 6:33 AM

Thanks Cybcm!!  Something like that is what concerns me.  Frightening really, I've heard all about Chlamydia but I wasn't even aware of those symptoms.  I shall point that out to her and perhaps even show her your post.

8chickens
by Member on Apr. 22, 2014 at 8:59 AM
Quoting cybcm: I'm sure everyone else will cover the disciplinary stuff, but I've been there, done that, got the tshirt, most likely have been in much deeper then she is, so I'm going to say something else. Tell her that a former prostitute wants her to know that you can get chlamydia in your throat. Your throat puffs up, gets red, but you don't realise it's anything more until it starts seeping, so you start coughing up this pus-like fluid. It's a bitch to get rid of, took 5 rounds of antibiotics for me, and then you are left with man-voice, which is just charming. So that is why you use a condom or dental dam when having casual oral sex.

She is now an adult woman, and to close to 18 for you to do anything but try to convince her of all the risks of std's.

mjande4
by Member on Apr. 22, 2014 at 9:42 AM

My answer is going to be blunt. Both of them could be arrested and he would be labeled a sex offender for the rest of his life. IF someone at their school gets wind of this, they are REQUIRED by law to report it to the police. I would get with the other parents, no matter how angry you think dad will be, take those phones and have a "come to Jesus" discussion NOW!

nana776
by Member on Apr. 22, 2014 at 10:13 AM

Google pictures and info on STDs.

Sarah011278
by on Apr. 22, 2014 at 1:14 PM

Hmmm. Worryingly, Schickens may have a point about when she turns 18.  I know I'm going to have to get much tougher with her about the STD thing.  There are some pictures on the net that freaked me out so hopefully that may have some effect.  Thanks for the suggestions so far!!!

mjande4
by Member on Apr. 22, 2014 at 1:56 PM

Honestly, I would be  A LOT more concerned about a lifelong label as a sex offender/and or being arrested for child pornography than I would an STD.  Pull your head out of the sand.

Quoting Sarah011278:

Hmmm. Worryingly, Schickens may have a point about when she turns 18.  I know I'm going to have to get much tougher with her about the STD thing.  There are some pictures on the net that freaked me out so hopefully that may have some effect.  Thanks for the suggestions so far!!!


mom2rhea-ann
by Member on Apr. 22, 2014 at 3:11 PM

At this age kids think they are invisible to anything and everything including STD's and AIDS. They have the immature mentality of "It won't haappen to me." No matter how many times we told a friend of mines DD all this or showed her pics of STD's and the outcome of AIDS she still did as she pleased and she was 16 too. I feel for you!! Teenage girls like this tend to continue doing what you dont want them to do. All out of spite most of the time not realizing the only ones they are truly going to seriously hurt is themselves. (not that you wont hurt but that doesn't matter to her anyway)My friend put her DD on Depo to prevent pregnancies and told her to use condoms but if she were to get a disease it would be her own fault for not be responsible. She is making an adult decision and therefore will pay with adult consequences. I don't know what I would do in this situation other than what my friend did with hers. I am thankful I am not going through this yet.

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