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Advice Needed: What is the proper punishment for a 18 year old...

Posted by on Apr. 23, 2014 at 2:36 PM
  • 12 Replies

What is the proper punishment for a 18 year old that you caught lying to you? She told me she was spending the night with her friend last night to study.  I found out today she didn't go to school or spend the night with her friend last night.  She hasn't made it home yet to comfort her.  I want her dad and me to be on the same page when she gets home.  This is not acceptable to me.  I am just wondering what her punishment should be!!!  Any suggestions!!!!!!!!!!!!!

by on Apr. 23, 2014 at 2:36 PM
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Replies (1-10):
JessicaR7
by Member on Apr. 23, 2014 at 3:42 PM
1 mom liked this

I think it is likely they went out or she spent the night at a boy's house.  I'd follow up with the friend's parent she spent the night.  I'd let her know that honesty is important to you above all else and your job is to keep her safe.  She thought she was grown enough to go out but she couldn't self-regulate because going to school is her job and she missed that.  That's why you set limits for her about not going out on school nights or if you do allow it...that's why you have a curfew in place.  I would let her know that she must be honest with you for an entire week and prove to you that she can be respectful of your rules.  Until then, she isn't allowed to hang out with friends or use the car for anything other than school or work if applicable.  Also, let her know she needs to take ownership of her mistake and understand that she has earned these consequences so you don't want to see a bad attitude about her punishment and she can't be disrespectful to you.  (I wouldn't get crazy with the punishment just because she 18 and will likely be going to college soon).

atlmom2
by Susie on Apr. 23, 2014 at 4:01 PM
1 mom liked this

I take it she is still in HS.  If so you could use  whatever punishment you want to.  If it were my kid I would take their phone, computer, and car if they had one for probably 2 weeks.  I don't care if you are 18 living in my house there are rules so you need to punish somehow.  That is a pretty big lie. 

kthomasson
by Member on Apr. 23, 2014 at 5:44 PM

 I agree- your house, your rules.  I'd take away phone and care for 2 weeks, as well as the car. 

Quoting atlmom2:

I take it she is still in HS.  If so you could use  whatever punishment you want to.  If it were my kid I would take their phone, computer, and car if they had one for probably 2 weeks.  I don't care if you are 18 living in my house there are rules so you need to punish somehow.  That is a pretty big lie. 

 

8chickens
by Member on Apr. 23, 2014 at 7:32 PM

She is an adult and free to do as she wishes, how would you handle being lied to by any other adult family member. You may kick her out if need be.

gdiamante
by Bronze Member on Apr. 23, 2014 at 8:52 PM

What's the school's punishment for ditching class? You start there.

She's on lockdown. She goes NOWHERE except places YOU take her to. That would be chool and work if she has a job.

Is this a first offense? If so, make the lockdown a week. If not, then longer.

chrisj4609
by Member on Apr. 24, 2014 at 8:01 AM
She's 18. I guess you could tell her the rules of your house and if she doesn't like it then she can move out.
suesues
by Silver Member on Apr. 24, 2014 at 8:43 AM

no phone or car  drive her everywhere she will love that

atlmom2
by Susie on Apr. 24, 2014 at 9:00 AM

IF she was acting as an adult she would be in school.  She is obviously not acting like one. 

Quoting 8chickens:

She is an adult and free to do as she wishes, how would you handle being lied to by any other adult family member. You may kick her out if need be.


bookchrissy
by on Apr. 24, 2014 at 9:32 AM

She finally confessed last night that she lied to us and that she has been staying the night with her boyfriend.  She has done this knewous times. It just breaks my heart to think that she would do that.  I was a different kid I guess.  I have alwaystried to do the right thing, I couldn't lie if I tried to and still couldn't.  She looked us in the face and continued to lie is what hurts so bad.  She says it is different with her boyfriend that she is going to be with him forever.  On top of that her softball coach called and said if she didn't show up to practice he was kicking her off the team and if they win their game on Friday they will be going to the state finals. She has worked her whole life to get to this point and could potentially throw it all away.  My husband and have sacrificed our life to give our kids everything in life.  We have been to state tournament, world series in Delaware, sweat, tears, and all with the softball and that could be taken away because she hasn't been going to practice either.  I really don't know what the solution is. I am scared if we push to hard she will leave home and not go to college and who knows what will happen. My husband and I don't see eye to eye on discipline either.  I took her car keys, phone, and credit card when she came home yesterday, but daddy's little girl got her car keys back and her phone back this morning to go to school and practice.  I will take them back when she gets home.  I just want her to know this is wrong and that is not alright to do.

chanizen
by on Apr. 24, 2014 at 9:33 AM
Yard work
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