Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

This Momma is a nervous wreck...

Posted by on Apr. 23, 2014 at 9:58 PM
  • 39 Replies

Bailey, my just turned eighteen year old has been staying over at her boyfriend's apartment on the weekends. Jordan and Bailey have a pretty solid relationship, but I can't help but to be worried about her safety and health. I do know that they are sexual active and it's really frightening me that she is going over to his place on the weekends unmonitored. She, to me, is still a teenager. I don't like it but she is eighteen after all and she can make her own decisions. But, I hope she is making the right ones. She changed a lot since her eighteenth birthday...Bailey has changed all the passwords to everything, her laptop, facebook, everything. She's moved a lot of her personal belongings to Jordan's apartment. Bailey is still in high school and she will be graduating as a nineteen year old. I've been trying to convince her to stay home as much as possible, but I see her three days out of the week, or even sometimes she would be gone the entire week and stay with Jordan. Jordan is a good man, very responsible and knows the consequences of his actions, but they are still fairly young and need guidance, in my opinion. With Bailey gone and unmonitored it's leaving me on the edge. What should I do?

by on Apr. 23, 2014 at 9:58 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
GleekingOut
by Silver Member on Apr. 23, 2014 at 11:15 PM

Hmm, this is a difficult one because yes she's 18, but she's in High school. Can she drop out without your permission? If she gets something confiscated do YOU have to pick it up or as an adult can SHE pick it up? Honestly, as an adult, I would allow her to have her privacy on her laptop (assuming she bought it). I would wait for her to come home and tell her that, while she's still in high school she NEEDS to obey your rules which are (insert rules here). I'd tell her no sleepovers on school nights, but weekends are hers. She would have a curfew, and she would need to be on birth control if not already. Tell her that if she chooses not to obey your rules, she can move out. If she wants to act grown and do adult things like have sex, well she can be a real adult and move out.

nana776
by Member on Apr. 23, 2014 at 11:20 PM
1 mom liked this

Unfortunately, she's eighteen and there isn't much you can do. Try to keep the lines of communication open and let her know still love her. You just have to trust that you have taught her to make good decisions and she is going to continue to do so. I know it's really hard, but you have to let her go and let her be the adult that she is.

Good Luck Mamma! (((HUGS)))

askmommy
by Member on Apr. 24, 2014 at 5:17 AM
Sorry, that's hard. Now that you have started it may be hard to go back but I would not allow my HS child living under my roof to do that no matter what age.

Example my ds wants a motorcycle. Hell no. He says when he is 18 he will get one. We have already informed him that while he is living here and we are paying his health insurance, good, school, etc....not happening. I know he will someday he's always been adventurous, but I want him to be more mature first. He gets it. Not happy, but he sees the big picture and gave in and bought a car instead.
suesues
by Silver Member on Apr. 24, 2014 at 8:41 AM

how old is boyfriend that he has his own appt. That wouldnt happen here my house my rules no sleepovers ever 

romalove
by Member on Apr. 24, 2014 at 8:43 AM
1 mom liked this
What happens if your kid dorms at college? How long do you think you can monitor them?

Quoting suesues:

how old is boyfriend that he has his own appt. That wouldnt happen here my house my rules no sleepovers ever 

Msgme
by Silver Member on Apr. 24, 2014 at 9:14 AM

You have already been allowing it so its hard to back track. My HS kids will not have sleep overs with the boyfriend/girlfriend as long as they are living in my house.  Might be time to have another heart to heart with her.  Set some ground rules, curfew for school nights etc...

Quoting askmommy: Sorry, that's hard. Now that you have started it may be hard to go back but I would not allow my HS child living under my roof to do that no matter what age. Example my ds wants a motorcycle. Hell no. He says when he is 18 he will get one. We have already informed him that while he is living here and we are paying his health insurance, good, school, etc....not happening. I know he will someday he's always been adventurous, but I want him to be more mature first. He gets it. Not happy, but he sees the big picture and gave in and bought a car instead.


atlmom2
by Susie on Apr. 24, 2014 at 9:23 AM

I would tell her she is not gonna play house.  She moves out and gets a job or she doesn't spend the night there.  She is in HS so if she wants her cake and eat it too she goes by your rules. I would never allow that.  Mine never had their own laptop in HS ever. 

atlmom2
by Susie on Apr. 24, 2014 at 9:24 AM
1 mom liked this

They are no longer in HS.  In HS they did as I said when they lived in my home.  Apples and oranges here.  Sick of 18 yo kids thinking they know it all and can do as they please.  In HS you have rules.  In college you can do whatever.  My girls respected us and respected themselves so no they wouldn't be doing that. 

Quoting romalove: What happens if your kid dorms at college? How long do you think you can monitor them?
Quoting suesues:

how old is boyfriend that he has his own appt. That wouldnt happen here my house my rules no sleepovers ever 


romalove
by Member on Apr. 24, 2014 at 9:32 AM
I am always fascinated at people's attitudes.

Quoting atlmom2:

They are no longer in HS.  In HS they did as I said when they lived in my home.  Apples and oranges here.  Sick of 18 yo kids thinking they know it all and can do as they please.  In HS you have rules.  In college you can do whatever.  My girls respected us and respected themselves so no they wouldn't be doing that. 

Quoting romalove: What happens if your kid dorms at college? How long do you think you can monitor them?

Quoting suesues:

how old is boyfriend that he has his own appt. That wouldnt happen here my house my rules no sleepovers ever 

atlmom2
by Susie on Apr. 24, 2014 at 9:44 AM

Well something worked because I had good teenagers and they are both awesome adults.  They were not out sleeping around drinking or doing drugs and made decent grades.  Why should people let kids do as they please in HS just because they are 18 or 19 and living in their home????

Quoting romalove: I am always fascinated at people's attitudes.
Quoting atlmom2:

They are no longer in HS.  In HS they did as I said when they lived in my home.  Apples and oranges here.  Sick of 18 yo kids thinking they know it all and can do as they please.  In HS you have rules.  In college you can do whatever.  My girls respected us and respected themselves so no they wouldn't be doing that. 

Quoting romalove: What happens if your kid dorms at college? How long do you think you can monitor them?
Quoting suesues:

how old is boyfriend that he has his own appt. That wouldnt happen here my house my rules no sleepovers ever 



Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)