My 15-year-old daughter is at it again. Last month, she asked to spend the night with a friend. I know and trust this friend and her family, so I said okay. I told D15 to be home by 1 p.m. the following afternoon. Well, 1:00 rolled around, then 2:00, 3:00, etc. I texted D15 to ask where she was. She didn't reply. I then called her. It went to voice mail. I kept calling and texting until she responded. Keep in mind that whenever her friends text or call her, she IMMEDIATELY responds, so I KNOW she was getting my texts and phone messages. She just chose to ignore them. When she finally did respond, she said they had gone downtown shopping and were on their way home. Another hour passed and they still weren't home! It was getting later and later, and I grew more worried. She kept telling me she would "be home soon." Finally, I went down to her friend's house to see if they were, indeed, gone. Imagine my surprise when my D15's friend (the one she was SUPPOSED to be staying with) answered the door! Turns out, D15 used the overnight stay as an excuse to spend the night with her so-called boyfriend. I was furious, upset, and disappointed all at the same time. I never ever thought in all my wildest dreams that she would pull a stunt like this. I hate to think how her father would have reacted if he were alive. I took away her cell phone and iPod for several days and she was not allowed to go to her friend's house (the friend had no idea of D15 plans to "use" her in her plot).
I then asked D15 pointblank if she'd slept with the boy. She assured me she did not, but I am beginning to wonder if my precious 15-year-old daughter is still a virgin. To be honest, I don't even know! I also found out that the boy (who is also 18!) had already gotten another girl pregnant and she hasn't even had the baby yet! D15 told me that when she was at his grandparents' house, he actually left her with them while he went and had lunch with the pregnant girl! OMG! I realized then that D15 was scared and put in a position that could have been potentially very dangerous. And as I type this, I have learned that this boy is now in jail. Good grief. I thought my daughter had a better head on her shoulders than to get mixed up with someone like this! All I can think and say is that she is so starved for the male attention that she will seek it anywhere, even if it means on the other side of the tracks.
Well, things were going okay for awhile after all the above. D15 got her driver's license and has been my chauffeur since I now have a sprained ankle. I can drive if I have to, but it is painful, not to mention dangerous with this big clunky boot I am wearing. We were beginning to grow close again. Or so I thought.Well, fast forward to tonight. I see D15 working hard on her research paper and give her permission to go to another friend's house, a foreign exchange student from Japan, to help the girl write her paper, since she has a hard time with writing the English language. That was at 7:30. I told D15 to be home at 8:30 as bedtime is at 9:00 for my children. She said "Okay, Mom," and left. Well, 8:30 rolls around, then 9:00, then 9:15. Again, we are back to texting and calling and no reply. When she does reply, she says the Japanese girl's host family had taken them all out to ice cream. I then said that she needed to get my permission to do this because I had specifically told her to be home at 8:30. I told her she should have declined their invitation because she needed to be home at a certain time. I suspect something else fishy going on here.
Anyway, when she finally did get home, it was 9:45, a whole hour and fifteen minutes from the time I told her to be home.
When I went to take away her cell phone (again), she took out the battery and defied me. I stared her down and told her to give me the battery, but she refused. I said, "Why? What are you trying to hide? Some boy sending you pictures of his p***s? She refused to look at me then, and I knew I had hit the nail on the head. She said it had only happened that day. I said, "Why didn't you delete it?" She said she didn't have time. Yeah, right. I made her delete it and then took her phone and iPod away. She has also lost her driving privileges. I guess I'll just have to suck it up and drive with this boot after all. And that sucks for me.
I might also add that I had her see a counselor after the first incident. She's been to several counselors since her dad died, but my girls just don't talk, and I can't see paying for a therapist if my girls aren't going to talk. I don't know what was discussed at the session, but she had the opportunity to go back or not, and she chose not to. I think I may have to revisit that. If not her, then me for sure!
So what am I doing wrong? Why is my daughter challenging me? Why is she hurting me this way? I don't know how to respond to her anymore, and when I do, it's almost always in anger because I worry about her. I know anger won't solve the problem. It will only make matters worse and then she will run away and end up pregnant and on the street. If it isn't this one daughter, it's the 12-year-old. D20 and D14 are nothing like these two! In fact, they are usually the ones protecting me from the other two!
They are two peas in a pod, both drama queens and argumentative and very disrespectful. I swear their father is disappointed in me in how I am raising them. I have done everything I know how to do as a single mom to protect my daughters, while at the same time, allowing them some independence, i.e., sleepovers, hanging out with friends, church camps, etc. And THIS? THIS is the thanks I get? Something's gotta give!