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Stepmom with Teenager girl needs advice

Posted by on May. 2, 2014 at 9:42 AM
  • 7 Replies

bummed_outI am the stepmom to two wonderful teenagers.  However, the daughter who is 13 is having some behavior issues.  Per her Dad I monitor her facebook (I know some will critize this but we feel like its the right thing to do).  I was on her facebook the other night checking her messages and I saw some very explict (granted I am about to be 30 and would never say the stuff she was saying) messages to a boy.  We have taken away her phone and facebook for a month.  I have no idea how to react to this.  I just really need some help on how this should be handled.

by on May. 2, 2014 at 9:42 AM
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Replies (1-7):
csmcgr
by New Member on May. 2, 2014 at 10:21 AM
1 mom liked this

I feel you are right in monitoring her Facebook. Kids to not have as right to privacy. They earn it by doing what is right. Clearly she hasn't been.i would lock her down and make her earn her privileges back.

Niccalyn
by Bronze Member on May. 2, 2014 at 11:39 AM
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Is your SD's bio mom in the picture?  If so, and she has a decent relationship with her daughter, I think it might be wise to fill her in and allow her to be the mom in this situation.  I agree that you have a responsibility to monitor your child's online behavior; however, as the step-parent, you may find that she becomes openly resentful and hostile toward you if you interfere and impose punishments.  If her mom isn't around or isn't interested, then I think what you've done is appropriate; but what is even more important is what you do between now and when she gets the devices back.  I had some of these same issues with my oldest DD (although she was older...it didn't start until she was 15), and I have basically talked about the dangers of posting inappropriate material online until I was seriously sick of my own voice.  I just didn't let up.  We've had little issues crop up from time to time since then, but for the most part, at 17, she has settled down and seems to have a much better handle on that behavior now.  I think if you just punish, and don't counsel/teach, you may find the behavior escalates when she gets her 'tools of the trade' back.  This is a delicate situation, and I wish you the best of luck!

gdiamante
by Bronze Member on May. 2, 2014 at 12:16 PM

You've done the right thing. Loop her mother in if mom's in the picture; it's the only thing left out from your response. Otherwise, hats off to you!

momoftwosince20
by on May. 2, 2014 at 1:22 PM

mom is not around and hasnt been for 12 years.  I wonder if thats why she is acting out

reverse
by New Member on May. 2, 2014 at 6:40 PM

Shut her FACEBOOK permanetly  month wont work Grown Adults cant resist TEMPTATION  take whatever is giving her acess to internet Away Completely  if she needs to use computer she can use it while your in the same room You are in Control dont fool yourself in to believing she wont continue do this over and over so stop her now dont make it easy for her create trouble for herself

fantasticfour
by Grumpy on May. 2, 2014 at 8:17 PM

 I don't understand how should it be handled?  Didn't already take away her facebook for a month?  Or are you asking if that is an appopriate punishment.  Seeing how I don't know if what she told the boy was profanity or profane I really couldn't tell you beyond that.

Serendipitous1
by Member on May. 4, 2014 at 8:25 AM
I feel all our kids social media should be monitored. They need to understand that once something is out there it can come back to haunt them when they are older. You did the right thing. Hang in there and try to open a dialog with SD to learn why she behaved as she did.
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