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Bully Moms

Posted by on May. 4, 2014 at 7:35 AM
  • 22 Replies
Do you ever feel that girls and boys who bully socially have moms who are social bully's, too?
by on May. 4, 2014 at 7:35 AM
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atlmom2
by Susie on May. 4, 2014 at 8:57 AM
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Kids may or may not have bully parents.  Anyhow, bully's have low self esteem for sure.  Many times parents know about the bullying and allow it.  Sometimes the parents are unaware.  Bullying has been around forever, we are more aware because it is online.  I don't think there are more bullies now than 30 or 40 years ago, we just know about it more.  My dh and I were just talking about this. 

Serendipitous1
by Member on May. 4, 2014 at 9:08 AM
You're right as there have always been bullies. It may be genetic or learned in the home. I have just observed some moms and dads who are aggressive in a negative way often have kids who have bullying issues. Not just in social media, but also verbally and physically.
natural_s
by Bronze Member on May. 4, 2014 at 4:12 PM
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I do. I am sure this is not the case for every kid who bully's but I believe for some cases. I think more than anything there are far too many adults that make excuses for this type of behavior more or so whether a parent is also a bully.

Also some kids are treated badly by the adults in their lives and then goes and acts out the same behavior towards others so it just becomes a vicious cycle.

mommyofthezoo03
by Member on May. 5, 2014 at 8:18 AM
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I don't believe bullying is a genetic behavior but a learned one. I have seen both cases with or without bullying parents. In the cases where the parents were not bullies they certainly did nothing to curtail it. In some cases they allow the child to bully them.

Serendipitous1
by Member on May. 5, 2014 at 10:13 AM
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Thank you for the reply. I'm noticing both as well. Some parents model bullying subtly by exclusion. For example, they may make all of the social decisions for their child and purposely exclude certain classmates from parties. Others neglect their children and may model behavior of criticizing and threatening others in their homes. I'm noticing a few cases where I've met the grandmothers and they seem to have the same character. It can be familial trait or even alcohol/drug abuse. Usually the community figures it out. It's just interesting that this bullying behavior whether aggressive or passive continues to exist today.

Quoting natural_s:

I do. I am sure this is not the case for every kid who bully's but I believe for some cases. I think more than anything there are far too many adults that make excuses for this type of behavior more or so whether a parent is also a bully.


Also some kids are treated badly by the adults in their lives and then goes and acts out the same behavior towards others so it just becomes a vicious cycle.

Beachdeprived
by on May. 5, 2014 at 12:46 PM
1 mom liked this

Some kids of bullies have parents who may be bullies but what I have found...just from my own experience... is that many of the parents tend to be completely oblivious as to their children being bullies... or they see it but do not want to recognize it and do anything about it. I see many of the girls at my DD's school who are bullies and their parents are sweet as can be and completley spoil the child and overcompensate in many ways. It's almost like the kids think....well, I get my way at home...so i am going to get my way at school too... and like altmom said, it has so much to do with their low self esteem.

cybcm
by Bronze Member on May. 5, 2014 at 3:03 PM
I think it absolutely can be a learned behaviour, so, as a consequence of that belief, I disagree with it being about low self esteem.

If you have learned through observation that bullying is a normal way to treat people, then that's how you will act, regardless of how you feel about yourself.

The low self esteem argument fslls with the 'they're just jealous' argument to me, what people tell themselves to feel better, but is largely untrue and doesn't do much to help the problem.
gdiamante
by Bronze Member on May. 5, 2014 at 11:57 PM

The old saying is, "The apple doesn't fall far from the tree." The kids learn it from somewhere. If not from the parents, from someone else.

We had a bully kid in our neighborhood when I was growing up. His dad was a real bully too. Messed both his boys up royally, but especially the younger one... that kid wound up going to prison for murder.

ebmars2681
by Member on May. 6, 2014 at 3:42 PM
1 mom liked this

i was always a strong believer of bad behavior starting at home.  i could be really wrong here but poor (i don't mean poor financially) upbringing is a strong possibility.  

if some kids are not getting the nurture, love and care that they need from mom or both mom and dad, they look for love in all of the wrong places.  and those places are with other bad seeds who they fit in with.

i honestly feel sorry for them because it's definitely something missing in their lives.

Memere60
by on May. 7, 2014 at 2:40 PM

I knew someone who was wonderful, but her daughter was a bully. She had every kid in our group crying, and would look innocently at her mom as if she didn't have a clue as to what was happening. Even if she was caught in the act, her mom would say, "I'll handle it at home". I finally left the group, because I was not going to let my daughter be tortured anymore. I don't think bullies have low self esteem. This child was always told by her mother and grandparents how beautiful and how "special" she was. I think it fostered a sense of superiority and entitlement in her. She was the meanest kid I ever met. 

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