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Advice Needed: My son is 18 a senior getting ready to graduate, worried he is going to mess up opportunity

Posted by on May. 4, 2014 at 10:10 AM
  • 7 Replies
My son is 18 a senior getting ready to
graduate, has accepted a scholarship
to a college out of state. Recently he
started hanging out with a girl that's a
bit younger than him and now his
attitude has changed says he doesn't
want to go to college now. When I said something to him about he was going to mess up his future he says he doesnt care. Im not sure where its coming from. The girl is from a nice family. You would think she would want him to do well. I thought about texting her mom about it but not sure if i should. Help
worried he is going to mess up an amazing opportunity.
by on May. 4, 2014 at 10:10 AM
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Replies (1-7):
atlmom2
by Susie on May. 4, 2014 at 10:32 AM

Oh, you can't ever change plans or make plans because of some teenage crush.  Hell no. 

Tell him my dd and her boyfriend have had a long distance relationship for 3 years now.  If it is meant to be, it will work.  He is in the Marines and she is in college.  They see each other 2 to 3 times a year. I am suspecting they will be engaged maybe this fall but not marry until 2017. 

Plus this is a new relationship for him.  Another reason to not worry about this girl at all. 

staceysgorbach
by on May. 4, 2014 at 10:36 AM
You can speak all you want to,but it's his future to screw up,and you may have to sit this one out and let him decide. I know it may be hard,and I probably wouldn't take my own advice once I get to that point in my life(my oldest is a year and a half away from graduating),but he is considered an adult now. Too bad,that mentally he isn't acting it by making the best decision.
mamalynnsmith
by on May. 4, 2014 at 10:37 AM
3 moms liked this

Tell him if he does not go to college as planed he will need to get a job and start paying rent and he will be resposible for all his own laundry ,personal items and food(he will have to buy and prepare his own)also he will need to get his own car in his name and pay for his own car insurance. Tell the free rideis over if he does not go to college as planned

Niccalyn
by Bronze Member on May. 6, 2014 at 1:46 PM

I may be able to shed some light on this situation!  My daughter is a junior in HS and has recently started dating a boy who is a senior.  He has accepted a scholarship to an out-of-state college and seemed excited about his plans.  A week ago he told my daughter he had been thinking about it for weeks and had decided he didn't want to go away for his freshman year of college.  She had not put any pressure on him about this and kept asking him if his decision had anything to do with her, because she didn't want to get in the way of his plans for the future.  He insisted that it had nothing to do with her, he just didn't feel ready to leave home yet.  Of course, as much as she protested, my daughter was secretyly thrilled that her boyfriend wanted to stay in town and be there for her during her senior year of HS!  He talked to his mom and she was on board. They decided he would go to a local university his freshman year.  The following night, however, he spoke to his dad.  His dad is a huge influence in his life and obviously is a very strong personality.  After their conversation, my DD's BF changed his mind again and decided he will go out of state to school after all.  DD was devastated but I told her she had to act like she was happy about his decision and be supportive. 

I'm sure his decision to stay in town had everything to do with my DD, and his about face after the talk with his father had everything to do with trying to please his dad.  This is a tough spot for a teenager to be in.  I think you and his dad, if he's in the picture, should probably sit down and talk with him about this.  And if his GF is anything like my daughter, she naturally will be thrilled if he decides to stay in town but will be supportive no matter what he decides.  The decision is ultimately his and I think this is what you need to try and point out to him...it is his life, he has to do what is best for him no matter what other people may want or ask him to do.  My daughter's BF made the right decision, hopefully your son will too!

OHgirlinCA
by on May. 6, 2014 at 1:53 PM

 Maybe you can tell him to go to his intended college for a semester and see what happens.  If he's unhappy, he can return home and go to community college after the semester is over.  Maybe that will ease some of the pressure off you and him, and I'm betting he'll enjoy college and stay. 

Just a thought...

all2gethernow
by Member on May. 6, 2014 at 1:58 PM
1 mom liked this
My nephew did this:/ he went to one of the best private prep schools on the east coast, got accepted to many great schools. His gf, a year younger threw a fit because he was leaving her for school. So, he turned them down and went to community college. :/
Fast forward a year-SHE'S graduating from highschool, got accepted to an out of state college. The little brat dumped him after four years because "she wants to be free to do her own thing". Broke his heart. Had a new bf in two weeks.
Not the best choice:/
TranquilMind
by Bronze Member on May. 9, 2014 at 7:38 AM

 He is probably just having a temporary setback, and will be just fine when it is time to go.

Lots of teens go through this.

But I would certainly encourage him and tell him how great his time at X university is going to be.  Just assume he is going and make plans. 

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