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Choir Teacher Says Weird Comment During Banquet

Posted by on May. 7, 2014 at 11:31 AM
  • 17 Replies
Recently my DDs school hosted a Performing Arts banquet. All of the students were presented awards and some received outstanding and well-deserved awards. When my daughter (a choir student for 6 years & musical theater student for 2 years) was presented her "participation award" The choir director said "Look at her. She continues to do well and we hope she sticks with us." He acknowled the background of every other student called up to the program. My DD works so hard in choir - loves the performing arts, but was devastated by his weak comments as was I. She not only is an honor roll (straight A) student but has many leadership rolls in the school and in organizations affiliated with the school. I'm upset with this teacher to comment on her as if it's all about her look. DD is upset that her tenure was not even verbally acknowledged. Anyone have this type of experience? Any advise to reassure DD? She is taking musical theatre and performing arts next year, too. She is good and takes music outside of school, as well.
by on May. 7, 2014 at 11:31 AM
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atlmom2
by Susie on May. 7, 2014 at 12:31 PM
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Sadly, I say blow it off.  Things happen.  When my dd was in 5th grade, her best grades ever, all A's and a couple B's she wasn't given an honor award BECAUSE of one 9 weeks she got a U in conduct.  One has nothing to do with the other.  She wasn't told ahead of time either so we were confused at 5th grade graduation.  You know what, you move on and deal.  My dd was in choir but not performing arts.  She just said that teachers have favs especially choir teachers. 

Serendipitous1
by Member on May. 7, 2014 at 12:41 PM
1 mom liked this
That's so true that the teachers have favs. It's just a life lesson. When she moves on into the real world - she will encounter bosses and mentors who are the same. Best to learn how to cope now.

Quoting atlmom2:

Sadly, I say blow it off.  Things happen.  When my dd was in 5th grade, her best grades ever, all A's and a couple B's she wasn't given an honor award BECAUSE of one 9 weeks she got a U in conduct.  One has nothing to do with the other.  She wasn't told ahead of time either so we were confused at 5th grade graduation.  You know what, you move on and deal.  My dd was in choir but not performing arts.  She just said that teachers have favs especially choir teachers. 

Niccalyn
by Bronze Member on May. 7, 2014 at 1:58 PM

Teachers definitely play favorites.  I think the rapport the child has with the teacher also affects it.  My oldest has always gotten along extremely well with adults--she can converse on an adult level so they have a tendency to treat her as a peer and there is a lot of mutual respect.  She has received at least one achievement award every single year of schooling (except her freshman year, when she was inured playing school sports and missed quite a bit).  My middle daughter, who is actually in the gifted and talented program, has received very few awards.  But, she is very socially interactive with her peers and much more shy with adults, so I think she is less 'noticed' by teachers. She actually told me the other day that 2 out of her 7 teachers JUST learned her name within the last couple of weeks, and there is only a month of school left!

Also, could the choir director have actually been a little taken aback at how attractive she looked?  Maybe he missed a beat or two as a result.  I think sometimes teachers also look at a very confident young person and don't feel as much of a need to 'build them up' as they might with someone who seems a little more insecure.  My 9-year-old is taking a tennis class and doing pretty well with it; I noticed last week that the 'coach' (a volunteer mom) had something encouraging and very positive to say to every child except my daughter.  If anything, she offered negative criticism to my daughter.  But my daughter stepped up and whacked the ball over the net every single time, whereas the majority of the kids were only making maybe 50% of their shots.  She was super encouraging to all of them, but not so much to the ones performing well.  Fortunately my daughter didn't seem to notice.   

In any case, I'm sorry your daughter had to experience this, but I'd encourage her not to let it diminish all that she knows she has accomplished, or to allow the incident to interfere with her future goals!  The choir teacher is just a man, human like the rest of us, and he goofed.  Gotta move on to the next challenge!

CaptNumo9
by New Member on May. 7, 2014 at 2:50 PM

I am sorry that was so discouraging for your daughter. Sometimes teachers make mistakes, and feelings are hurt. Maybe the PP was correct and that it was because he did not have the same repor with her as the other students. Please encourage her to press on, she will benefit even without the proper acknowledgement.

atlmom2
by Susie on May. 7, 2014 at 3:38 PM
2 moms liked this

That is true because coping skills are lacking in kids today.  Seriously, lacking. 

Quoting Serendipitous1: That's so true that the teachers have favs. It's just a life lesson. When she moves on into the real world - she will encounter bosses and mentors who are the same. Best to learn how to cope now.
Quoting atlmom2:

Sadly, I say blow it off.  Things happen.  When my dd was in 5th grade, her best grades ever, all A's and a couple B's she wasn't given an honor award BECAUSE of one 9 weeks she got a U in conduct.  One has nothing to do with the other.  She wasn't told ahead of time either so we were confused at 5th grade graduation.  You know what, you move on and deal.  My dd was in choir but not performing arts.  She just said that teachers have favs especially choir teachers. 


Momofmenagerie
by Member on May. 7, 2014 at 3:42 PM
1 mom liked this
Some faculty are just... BETTER than others. Just like coworkers.
I'd also say" blow it off" her choir members know he value and that's all that matters at this point.
Ewa101
by Bronze Member on May. 8, 2014 at 7:13 AM
1 mom liked this

I don't know what he said about the other choir members, but to me this comment did not sound like he was talking about her looks.  It's true, it was tepid.  Was he more enthusiastic about her last year?  Maybe he just ran out of original things to say about her?  I am sure you talked to your daughter; I just hope she started the conversation about how disappointed she was with his comments, and it's not you who is projecting your disappointment on her.  Of course, don't let her be discouraged; it's enough to watch the Idol shows on tv to see that even experts don't always recognize true talent.

my2kidsmom9498
by Bronze Member on May. 8, 2014 at 10:23 AM

What will confronting the teacher accomplish?  Willl yuor dd have to deal with him next year?  Everyone has their special students, it may not  be right, but teachers are human.  She might be good, that he feels she does not need extra fanfair.  I am sorry though, that really can take the wind out of one's sails. 

Memere60
by Member on May. 8, 2014 at 11:59 AM
2 moms liked this

My daughter was in soccer, and they had an awards banquet. The coach was pretty tough, and not very likable. That's how coaches are. They want to win, and to them, it's not about being all touchy feely. One girl was up there talking to and about the coach, getting all emotional, etc. later, I asked my daughter about it. I said, "I thought __________ couldn't stand the coach". My daughter replied, "What was she supposed to say about her in front of all those people?"  My point is, you know your daughter is good. I wouldn't put much stock in what the teacher said about any of the kids. For your daughter's sake, I wouldn't make a big deal out of it, or next year she is going to be wondering why she never gets any good parts in plays, choir, etc.

Serendipitous1
by Member on May. 8, 2014 at 7:08 PM
It was ourDD that brought it up and was so disappointed. We told her that maybe next year she could meet with him and let him know how much she appreciates his class and that how she can improve. We were trying to help her as she was in tears.

Quoting Ewa101:

I don't know what he said about the other choir members, but to me this comment did not sound like he was talking about her looks.  It's true, it was tepid.  Was he more enthusiastic about her last year?  Maybe he just ran out of original things to say about her?  I am sure you talked to your daughter; I just hope she started the conversation about how disappointed she was with his comments, and it's not you who is projecting your disappointment on her.  Of course, don't let her be discouraged; it's enough to watch the Idol shows on tv to see that even experts don't always recognize true talent.

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