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Advice Needed: My daughter is 11yrs old and lately she has been...

Posted by on May. 7, 2014 at 2:45 PM
  • 12 Replies

My daughter is 11yrs old and lately she has been acting up in school. Her dad and I are divorced and she sees him every other weekend. Does beating your child affect them emotionally or how they behave at school? My ex has been hitting her backside and we have had disagreements because of that. She doesn't even want to be with him now. He sais it's his form of punishment and that obviously we are not on the right page. What do you guys think? Please respond honestly :) Do you think this is right?

by on May. 7, 2014 at 2:45 PM
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by Member on May. 7, 2014 at 4:59 PM

Does your state have laws about how load child has to be to say they don't want to see alternate parent?  I think that could def be a reason for acting out, does she do it more when she comes back from his house?

by Silver Member on May. 8, 2014 at 12:09 AM
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YES, beating your child affects them at school! CALL YOUR LAWYER RIGHT NOW. Report it. You don't say how HARD he's hitting, but hitting at ALL is NO GOOD.

Real fathers discipline WITHOUT HITTING. He may well be abusing her! And if you allow it to continue then you BOTH could lose custody of this girl.

by on May. 8, 2014 at 8:12 AM

Well yes that can cause problems in school for sure. But also it is abusive to (BEAT) a child but you can give them a swat when needed. There is a difference in beating and just giving a good swat to remind the child you mean what you say. Sometime other forms of disciplin such as talking does not work. I am speaking from experiance here, When I was a child I was beat with anything they get their hands on, but believe me I grew up and realized that there is a time when you have to sit your child down and tell them, " This is the real world, and if you do wrong you deserve to be punished. But some parents will say to what extent do I let this same behavior go for before I do something. I have 2 teenaged daughters and I have only hit my oldest child 1 time and swore never again, because I felt like a piece of dog crap after, she was only 1 1/2 and she looked at me and told me no, well as soon as she said that I popped her across her mouth, to which I cried with her and swore never to hit again, but I do think had my girls been swatted a couple times they would not be the way they are. I know when I was younger I knew not to do wrong and if I did do wrong thenm i knew it was time for the punishment, so I normally tried to always be good because I did not want my tail end hurting so bad I could not sit.

by Bronze Member on May. 8, 2014 at 9:55 AM
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At 11 yrs old there are other ways to discipline then to hit her.  Make sure the punishment fits the crime.  Take away, remove or extra chores etc just to name a few.

by Silver Member on May. 8, 2014 at 10:35 AM

Really?!?!?  Does beating affect behavior or emotinal health?!?!  In my book there is also a HUGE difference between a spank and beating.  Though, I don't see the benefit of a spank after the kid is out of diapers.  But, none the less, abuse is illegal.  Sheesh! 

by on May. 8, 2014 at 11:10 AM
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Yes, beating a child causes emotional issues. But is he beating her, like as in child abuse, or is it typical spanking due to misbehaving.  Being that she is 11, why is she still getting spanked (if thats what it is) ? Thats a bit old for dad to be touching her like that. I would talk with a lawyer and get legal advice in regards to your daughter not wanting to see him. Also maybe have her talk to a nutral person like her doctor to find out if its more than just swatting on the butt. In the mean time I would keep her home and have it documented with a  lawyer that you fear for her safety so you dont get in trouble for withholding her during his visitation. 

by Silver Member on May. 9, 2014 at 6:57 AM

get help too old to beat somethings up call lawyer check her at dr too

by Bronze Member on May. 9, 2014 at 7:27 AM

 Beating?  Or spanking?  There is a huge difference. 

Not a fan at 11 years old, at any rate.

You and he need to agree.  This is what happens when kids have to be shifted back and forth from two different homes.  You can't control what happens to your child in the other home. 

by on May. 9, 2014 at 11:23 AM
In my book you should never hit your child!!! There are plenty of other ways of discipline! I definitely agree that you should call your lawyer and let them know that this is going on. If this is my child I would also get them involved in some counseling so that they know that this is not okay. If a parent is hitting their child ofcourse their child is going to act out! Think about it for a minute what message is he and you showing her? He is showing her that it's okay to hit if you don't like something that someone is doing and your showing her that it's okay by doing nothing to stop it. I went through this growing up and in the and she's going to resent you for not doing anything to stop it. You are her parents it's your job to protect her!
by Bronze Member on May. 9, 2014 at 11:28 AM
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I have never been one to spank my children, but I realize some parents view it as a viable form of discipline.  However, 11 seems a bit old to me for her father to be hitting her at all, ever.  It is one thing to swat a toddler or preschooler's bottom when they are doing something that is potentially dangerous, it is another to hit a pre-teen out of anger or because there has been a disagreement.  He should be talking to her and imposing consequences for her behavior, not spanking her.  It is no wonder she doesn't want to spend time with him, she is probably afraid of him.  I agree you need to get in touch with your attorney and let him/her know what is happening.  You may need to go back to court and insist on supervised visitation only.

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