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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

My heart is breaking for my daughter

Posted by on May. 9, 2014 at 10:59 AM
  • 25 Replies

Sorry this might be long and rambling.

A little backround is my daughter has always had a hard time making friends. I'm not sure why. I don't know if she tries too hard to fit in or what the issue is.

Anyway last week some girls from school that live in out neighbourhood came to the door to invite her to the park to hang out. I let her go because I've known one of the girls forever (she lives right behind us) and even though she's not great friends with DD they have done a few things together in the past.

long story short it was fine and DD hung out with them two more times. This week DD called the other girl (not the neighbour) and asked if they wanted to walk home from school together. The girl said yes, but DD said she felt like something was "off". DD ended up walking with them and said it was the most fun she has had. Just to add it is a group of 3 that walk home, 4 if you add in DD.

Cue to yesterday, DD asked them in the morning if they all wanted walk home together again. All of the kids said they were taking the bus. Okay, I pick both kids up normally anyway so she was going to ride with me. As DD and I were waiting for DS to get to the van we saw the group of kids all walking together (away from the bus and towards home..obviously walking together). As soon as they saw DD they ran away. 

She was so upset it was terrible. We ended up not going directly home as I had an errand to run that took 30 minutes. As we were driving up to our house we saw them ringing the doorbell and running away. DD got out and told them they could have just told her if they didnt want to walk with her, but they walked away from her.


Whew, if you made it this far tha is for listening. I just needed to get it out. I know today will be a hard day for her, and to be honest I cried after I dropped her off. Social exclusion is really tough and my heart is breaking for her.

by on May. 9, 2014 at 10:59 AM
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Replies (1-10):
nana776
by Member on May. 9, 2014 at 11:15 AM

Awww, that is so hard to watch. My dd has had some issues with this too. Actually I think most kids go through this to some point. I see it as an opportunity to teach your dd about liking herself, that not everyone is going to like her and that is ok. It's a good time to cover peer pressure and picking good friends. I know it's still painful though. (((HUGS))) to you and your dd.

Niccalyn
by Bronze Member on May. 9, 2014 at 11:55 AM
1 mom liked this

One thing to remind her is that it may just be one of the girls causing the problems.  Sometimes one girl is sort of 'in charge' of the group and directs the actions of the others.  In my experience, these friendships tend to ebb and flow all through middle and high school, so if this is the case with this group of girls, your daughter may find that a couple of girls circle back around and try to befriend her again once they rid themselves of the 'mean girl' influence.  I always used these situations as teaching moments, reminding my girls that when they find themselves in this situation, not to let the 'mean girl' dictate how they treat another.  Always treat others the way you want to be treated!  It is hard for a couple of days after something like this happens but then they move on.  Encourage her to branch out and make friends with new kids--maybe try to have her invite some kids over to hang out on the weekends.  She will be okay!

arkmomma06
by Member on May. 9, 2014 at 12:33 PM
Teen years are getting harder and harder to go through. Maybe they will all be friends again soon.
natural_s
by Bronze Member on May. 9, 2014 at 2:16 PM

 I agree with this. Usually in a pack there is usually a ring leader and the other girls don't want to be targeted usually follow suit and being young just makes bad decisions.

I'm sorry your daughter is going through this but things will get better. Just encourage her to be her and not to become one of those girls and I am sure she will be blessed soon with a good friend.

Maybe if she is into a certain activity or sport she can join, that way she will more than likely make  a good friend with someone that has something in common with her.

Quoting Niccalyn:

One thing to remind her is that it may just be one of the girls causing the problems.  Sometimes one girl is sort of 'in charge' of the group and directs the actions of the others.  In my experience, these friendships tend to ebb and flow all through middle and high school, so if this is the case with this group of girls, your daughter may find that a couple of girls circle back around and try to befriend her again once they rid themselves of the 'mean girl' influence.  I always used these situations as teaching moments, reminding my girls that when they find themselves in this situation, not to let the 'mean girl' dictate how they treat another.  Always treat others the way you want to be treated!  It is hard for a couple of days after something like this happens but then they move on.  Encourage her to branch out and make friends with new kids--maybe try to have her invite some kids over to hang out on the weekends.  She will be okay!

 

atlmom2
by Susie on May. 9, 2014 at 4:08 PM

Sadly everyone isn't friends with everyone.  Your dd is gonna have to find her niche and find nice good friends. 

I hate ding dong ditching if that is what they were doing too. 

Snowball10
by New Member on May. 9, 2014 at 4:15 PM

I know that not everyone likes everyone. I guess part of my heartbreak is that she doesn't really have any friends and she really thought she was making some.

While I do encourage her to try to make friends, we can't make kids want to hang out with her. I just wish they weren't mean about it.

Mommaca
by on May. 9, 2014 at 4:20 PM

Maybe its a great opportunity to teach her to recognize good friends from not so good. Ask her how they made her feel, make her recognize her emotions and suggest to her that maybe she needs friends who *dont* make her that way and make her feel happy. Also, tell her about bullying and how she should be strong and walk away from them and also find another friend who makes her feel good emotions. Just distract her every evening and mayybe plan events with family and with ppl who care about her a lot, so her confidence gets a boost and she feels the love. hugs.

SugarrCane
by Member on May. 9, 2014 at 4:34 PM

Girls can be cruel and sadly they do this to eachother.  This week it's your daughter and next week it will be one of the other 4 girls they're doing it too.  Teen girls can be so much drama sometimes!  

Snowball10
by New Member on May. 9, 2014 at 7:12 PM

Thanks for "listening" ladies. I really needed to get it off my chest. She doesn't really want to talk about anything that happened at school today, so I think I'm going to leave her alone to collect her thoughts and try to tal to her tomorrow.

But thank you all for your support, sometimes it feels good just to get it out.

chattycassie
by Bronze Member on May. 9, 2014 at 8:36 PM

 My middle daughter struggles making friends, I try to encourage her to join things she is interested in to meet new people. Maybe get your daughter into a club or sports where she can meet new kids? I wish you luck momma

Quoting Snowball10:

I know that not everyone likes everyone. I guess part of my heartbreak is that she doesn't really have any friends and she really thought she was making some.

While I do encourage her to try to make friends, we can't make kids want to hang out with her. I just wish they weren't mean about it.

 

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