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Anyone become close with kid's bf's or gf's family?

Posted by on May. 14, 2014 at 11:59 AM
  • 9 Replies

 My daughter has a boyfriend that we have actually become close with his family... VERY close in fact.  His mom even calls me "bestie" and we get together a lot - I even babysit her daughter, go to his baseball games together, and we have cook-outs and stuff.  It's only been a couple months, but our teen kids seem serious for their young age and even plan on someday getting married.  They are only freshmen in HS but I do believe this can happen because I met my husband when I was a freshman.  Anyway, what I am worried about is what if they DO break up - will it be incredibly awkward with his family/our family and will me and his mom even be able to be friends? Should I worry about this?

by on May. 14, 2014 at 11:59 AM
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atlmom2
by Susie on May. 14, 2014 at 12:04 PM

Not really.  We have never met any of our girls boyfriends family.  SO, let me back up since that seems strange.  DD 20 has been dating her boyfriend for 3 years.  His Mom and sisters were living out of state and the Dad was just living here till her boyfriend graduated.  SO, that is why we have never met.  DD 23 has been dating a guy since December and he and his parents live 1 hour and 30 minutes away

It is very slim that they will get married starting to date freshman year.  I guess I wouldn't want to be good friends because it will be awkward when they do break up.  I would never have wanted my girls to have a boyfriend that young and to be so serious. 

fairybaby55
by Member on May. 14, 2014 at 12:13 PM

 

Quoting atlmom2:

Not really.  We have never met any of our girls boyfriends family.  SO, let me back up since that seems strange.  DD 20 has been dating her boyfriend for 3 years.  His Mom and sisters were living out of state and the Dad was just living here till her boyfriend graduated.  SO, that is why we have never met.  DD 23 has been dating a guy since December and he and his parents live 1 hour and 30 minutes away

It is very slim that they will get married starting to date freshman year.  I guess I wouldn't want to be good friends because it will be awkward when they do break up.  I would never have wanted my girls to have a boyfriend that young and to be so serious. 

 Well it's too late to NOT be friends with them really... I mean you cant just stop once you are friends.  I wouldn't want to because we really like them!  And I wouldn't say it's a "slim" chance for my daughter and her bf because they are both mature for their ages, and both have God a big part of their lives and obviously have the support of their families also.  So if and when something comes up, I am hopeful they can make it through it.  I guess I am just wondering if it's possible to stay friends with her even if our kids do break up someday or if that's ever happened to anyone. 

atlmom2
by Susie on May. 14, 2014 at 12:18 PM

It is a slim chance they will marry.   Just because you did doesn't mean they will and maturity has nothing to do with it.  Kids change a lot in HS and college and I can't believe you are so gung ho for kids to date so young and be so serious.  As I said, I wouldn't stay friends and it would be awkward.  I mean mine have had other boyfriends and can't imagine IF I was friends with their parents staying friends with them after the break up.  Now my dd does talk to her last boyfriends Mom because she is on their phone plan and she has to pay her every month.  I think it was awkard the first few times they saw each other.  Now that it has been 9 months she is fine talking to her now.  I met her a few times so we are not friends. 

Quoting fairybaby55:

 

Quoting atlmom2:

Not really.  We have never met any of our girls boyfriends family.  SO, let me back up since that seems strange.  DD 20 has been dating her boyfriend for 3 years.  His Mom and sisters were living out of state and the Dad was just living here till her boyfriend graduated.  SO, that is why we have never met.  DD 23 has been dating a guy since December and he and his parents live 1 hour and 30 minutes away

It is very slim that they will get married starting to date freshman year.  I guess I wouldn't want to be good friends because it will be awkward when they do break up.  I would never have wanted my girls to have a boyfriend that young and to be so serious. 

 Well it's too late to NOT be friends with them really... I mean you cant just stop once you are friends.  I wouldn't want to because we really like them!  And I wouldn't say it's a "slim" chance for my daughter and her bf because they are both mature for their ages, and both have God a big part of their lives and obviously have the support of their families also.  So if and when something comes up, I am hopeful they can make it through it.  I guess I am just wondering if it's possible to stay friends with her even if our kids do break up someday or if that's ever happened to anyone. 


lakerfan420
by Jamie on May. 14, 2014 at 1:24 PM
1 mom liked this
Well I don't know what it would be like if they broke up, but I'm in the same boat as you, we've just been sailing for a little bit longer. Bri (16 next week, current sophomore) and her bf (18 in Aug, current junior) have been dating for two years and two months now. She originally met him just before she turned 13, and he was her first real bf. A couple months later she got scared and broke up with him. He was devastated. She dated someone else and made a huge mistake which she regrets, and then ended that relationship and swore she wouldn't date again unless she could get back with Graig. She realized then what she had given up on. Meanwhile, he tried to move on and date someone else, but was still in love with Bri. They did get back together after that and have been going strong since then. That's when the families really started getting closer as we all realize we may very well become in laws someday. Currently their plans are to finish school and marry after they both graduate, which we are all supportive of. Of course there is a chance things could change before that actually happens, which we'll deal with should that time come. But these (like it sounds like yours could be too) are not your normal teenagers. They are so committed to each other and are already planning for their future together. They both have goals including college after graduation, and he's already saved up six grand of his own money and she has close to four herself. Even their friends who have had bfs and gfs come and go comment on how jealous they are of these two and how lucky they are to have each other. And as far as the what ifs as to if they did break up, I see us all at least remaining friends, even if we didn't hang out like we do now. But again this is not your typical teenage romance, and we're all aware of that. Oh and they both identity as Christians as well as both families so there has been and will continue to be prayers for these two and if it's in God's plans, it'll happen. If not, then it wasn't meant to be but at least they know what true love is and what to look for in a potential life partner, and would always have all the happy memories they've already made together. Hope that helps some, and don't let moms that don't truly know you or your situation get you down. Because just as much as some will swear it'll never last, they don't know that anymore than you or I know it will. They think it won't, we think it has a chance, and only time will tell. Good luck to you all, and God bless!
fairybaby55
by Member on May. 14, 2014 at 1:36 PM
1 mom liked this

 Thanks so much for your reply... your kids sound exactly like my daughter and her bf in a lot of ways and also like my husband and I were as teens.  IT helps to know I'm not alone!  :) 

Quoting lakerfan420: Well I don't know what it would be like if they broke up, but I'm in the same boat as you, we've just been sailing for a little bit longer. Bri (16 next week, current sophomore) and her bf (18 in Aug, current junior) have been dating for two years and two months now. She originally met him just before she turned 13, and he was her first real bf. A couple months later she got scared and broke up with him. He was devastated. She dated someone else and made a huge mistake which she regrets, and then ended that relationship and swore she wouldn't date again unless she could get back with Graig. She realized then what she had given up on. Meanwhile, he tried to move on and date someone else, but was still in love with Bri. They did get back together after that and have been going strong since then. That's when the families really started getting closer as we all realize we may very well become in laws someday. Currently their plans are to finish school and marry after they both graduate, which we are all supportive of. Of course there is a chance things could change before that actually happens, which we'll deal with should that time come. But these (like it sounds like yours could be too) are not your normal teenagers. They are so committed to each other and are already planning for their future together. They both have goals including college after graduation, and he's already saved up six grand of his own money and she has close to four herself. Even their friends who have had bfs and gfs come and go comment on how jealous they are of these two and how lucky they are to have each other. And as far as the what ifs as to if they did break up, I see us all at least remaining friends, even if we didn't hang out like we do now. But again this is not your typical teenage romance, and we're all aware of that. Oh and they both identity as Christians as well as both families so there has been and will continue to be prayers for these two and if it's in God's plans, it'll happen. If not, then it wasn't meant to be but at least they know what true love is and what to look for in a potential life partner, and would always have all the happy memories they've already made together. Hope that helps some, and don't let moms that don't truly know you or your situation get you down. Because just as much as some will swear it'll never last, they don't know that anymore than you or I know it will. They think it won't, we think it has a chance, and only time will tell. Good luck to you all, and God bless!

 

Niccalyn
by Bronze Member on May. 14, 2014 at 3:00 PM
1 mom liked this

My 17YO dated one boy for over 6 months; he lived down the street from us, so we met the family out in the neighborhood on occasion, once his dad stopped by and had a beer with my dh, and our 2 families once went out for dinner together.  I must say it is now quite awkward as they had a rather bitter breakup (he dumped her, she was devastated and so stopped communicating with him to save herself further anguish, and he is now angry that they aren't 'friends'), so it is super awkward when we see the family out and about (we both also have a child attending the same elementary school). I kinda wish I'd never met the parents. If the breakup hadn't been so rough, I don't think it would be as much of a problem.

My 14YO has her first BF now and he lives out of state so I've emailed with his mom when he has come to visit but have never met them. 

After having the experience with my oldest and her 'first love,' I think I'd probably steer clear of getting too close to either a BF OR his family until an engagement is announced. :)

Texan35
by Member on May. 14, 2014 at 3:05 PM

My dd had a boyfriend for about 9 months or so.  They broke up this past February.  We weren't as close as it sounds like you are with that family, but pretty friendly.  We went to dinner together and stuff.  But since they broke up, it's just been plain awkward.  We don't run into them often, but when we do. . . fake smiles and "how are you?" and we go on our way. 

Dd has two classes with her exbf and it's still really awkward for them at school. 

cybcm
by Bronze Member on May. 14, 2014 at 5:07 PM
1 mom liked this
My 19yr old has been with her partner for 4 years. We don't really know the parents all that well, but they're always traveling all over the world, so they're hardly ever here anyway.

My 17yr old has only been with his girlfriend for 5 months and her mother seems to really want to be friends with me. I'm happy to have a chat with her and a coffee, but to me it's just too early for anything else.
sahlady
by Gold Member on May. 14, 2014 at 5:52 PM
1 mom liked this
I didn't read what everybody else write... But getting married to the person you meet when you're 14 is extremely rare. Even much much more rare actually have that marriage be a lasting one. I would ask that you put your hopes for this young romance in the very furthest back part of your mind. And approach it in a more realistic manner. Make sure your daughter knows hundred percent without a shadow of a doubt that her life is her choice and that she must not get wrapped up in this boy because the families are friends. She must have some genuine real perspective ...... Hopefully they will both go away to college, different colleges, far apart from each other, and find out who they truly are. If they come back together great if not it made for a fun high school experience. But I think I would keep your mouth closed when it came to talking to her about your feelings towards this family. I would also start put a little space in there.
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