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15yo dtr wants to date 18yo boy

Posted by on May. 29, 2014 at 10:23 AM
  • 10 Replies

My daughter is 151/2 yo and wants to start dating this 18yo boy. I am not ok with it but thinking of allowing it since I don't want her sneaking behind my back and keeping secrets from me. She has been a good daughter, straight A student and nothing I can ask for. She asked me to trust her and give her a chance on this one. I do trust her and want to keep the communication open. My husband is totally against it. He forbids the dating thing in high school. He said his piece to my daughter and told her she is on her own on this one, that she does not care anymore what she did. I am confused on what to do. My husband is also not talking to me now. Help,

by on May. 29, 2014 at 10:23 AM
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by Susie on May. 29, 2014 at 10:26 AM

Mine couldn't date at 15 and also no way would I let my girls date an 18 year old at 15. 

by on May. 29, 2014 at 10:40 AM

Personally, No I would not let my 15 yo daughter date an 18yo. Heck the 18yo should know better than that. 

by on May. 29, 2014 at 11:09 AM

I have an 18 yo boy and I wouldn't be happy if he came home with a 15 yo girl. Frankly, my DS is kind of immature, but still. 18 yo are at a completely different point in their lives. They are graduating and moving on to college or work and your DD is still in high school.

As for the DH issue, come together as a family. When you have a teenager, unity is your best weapon ;)

by on May. 29, 2014 at 11:30 AM
My dad always said " I DO trust you, my daughter. My only, sweetheart of a daughter.... It HIM I do not trust and as your parent, I still have the right to make this decision."

I didn't sneak around. I was allowed to be with him on group dates, but rarely alone.... And he did break my heart when went to college and dropped me like a virus.

You make whatever choice you want, but I was introduced to the beginnings of sexual activities ( although not sex) even in a group setting because couples would break off to be alone.

I was still too young to have had the experiences I had, though.

A 15 yr old hears the 3 magic words from a boy/ man and she stops being " mature" and loses her head most of the time
by Member on May. 29, 2014 at 11:35 AM
Nope. If she is a sneak she will sneak no matter what you forbid her from. Tell her no and make sure she knows that the consequences from doing it anyway behind your back won't be worth it.
by on May. 29, 2014 at 12:44 PM

Letting her do something you know is wrong so she will still talk to you is a very bad idea.  You are her parent not her friend.  While dating is not such a bad thing there must be rules and kids should be close to one another in age.  YOU are the parent.  Talk to her and explain why you don't like it.

by Gold Member on May. 29, 2014 at 1:56 PM

I'm going thru a very similar thing.  My dd is 6 months away from her 16th birthday and is interested in a senior. I'm not really sure if he's 17 or 18 tho.  Right now they are just at the friend stage. She has a giant crush and from what i've been told he is sorta showing interest but i'm not really sure.   She's not allowed one on one dating yet and wont be for at least 6 months.  She's allowed to have a boy over my house or group day time activities.  I'm not so sure a graduating senior is really interested in "dating" someone who can't really date yet.  For now its just at the friend stage so i'm letting it play out but she is aware that at the moment she is not allowed to go out on a "date" with him.

As for letting her do something just so she wont' sneak  around  IMO and for my children I would never say yes to something that I didnt want them to do out of that fear.   She's tried the sneaky route a few times with things and she's been busted enough times to know its not really worth it.   If your daughter came to you  and said I want to do do drugs.  Would you let her out of fear she'd sneak around and do it??? 

As for your DH  the two of you need to get on the same page.  My dh and i differ on occasion when it comes to letting the kids do things or not do things.  We talk it out and compromise so that we are a united front. 

by on May. 29, 2014 at 3:32 PM

My rule is 2 years.  STRICTLY 2 years.   Developmentally speaking and permissiveness...(what they are allowed to do) 15 and 18 are MILES apart. 

After I explained this to my then 15 yr old she was ok with it. 

EX.  At 15 your curfew is going to be 10pm on the weekends.  Can't go out on weekdays.  At 18 he is going to be used to doing anything he wants to and will probably pressure you to stay out later.  What will  you do?   Will you argue with me about it?   Cause if it will be a problem like that you won't go at all.    Not ALL but alot of 18 yr old young men are sexually active.  Are you prepared to deal with that?  How will you deal with it? 

TANSTAAFL- There ain't no such thing as a free lunch.

by on May. 29, 2014 at 3:53 PM

There is nothing wong with her dating an 18 year old. It's better than say, a 21 year old who is drinking. 15-18 is only 3 years. Older guys are usually more mature and have a better perspective on life to begin with. Even at 18, it's better than 15, I think you are correct in wanting to keep her trust. If she has never given you any reason to worry in the past, I say go ahead and trust her. The fact that your husband isn't even open to her dating in general just screams "I don't want my baby girl to grow up". He needs to grow up and realize his baby girl isn't a baby anymore. I dated lots of guys that were all older than me through highschool and college. It's a learning experience. My husband is 4.5 years older than me, and no one thinks we are crazy for it.

by Member on May. 29, 2014 at 4:03 PM

My DD is 15 (16 in August) and has been dating a boy who turned 18 this month. There is 2 years and 3 months between them, He is a good influence on her and I don't mind them dating at all.

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