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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

my son wants to kill his brother

Posted by on Jun. 3, 2014 at 10:57 PM
  • 12 Replies

He is 12. His brother is 9. His brother is always calling him names and annoying him. So now 12 year old is always saying "im gonna kill you". Now I know this is normal behavior cause he is mad. Today I found a note in 12 year old's room that said" I killed my brother. Are you proud?"

This does not sound like normal behavior to me to write something like that. I am scared now. What do you think? This happen to anyone else? Should I be concerned? Take him to a therapist?

by on Jun. 3, 2014 at 10:57 PM
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Replies (1-10):
atlmom2
by Susie on Jun. 3, 2014 at 11:24 PM

Get him to a therapist right away.  Kids are killing kids, parents, friends all the time.  We live 15 minutes from where those 2 12 year old girls stabbed their "friend" 19 times. 

suesues
by Silver Member on Jun. 4, 2014 at 7:24 AM

yes get some help to many horror stories lately 

nebcutie
by Member on Jun. 4, 2014 at 7:28 AM
I would get them both some help...the oldest for the letter and the youngest for learning to treat his brother better.
lazyd
by Bronze Member on Jun. 4, 2014 at 10:39 AM

No where in your post did you say how you were disciplining your 9yo for his behavior??  I understand there is sibling rivalry, but this has gone on too far & maybe you aren't disciplining either enough??  What is your 12yo doing to his 9yo that the 9yo would call his older brother names n annoy him?  Keep them separated, even if they have to share a bedroom to sleep in at night, if an adult is home, one stays in the living room n one stays in a bedroom during the day.  Or at night, say one of the boys sleeps in his parents bedroom until their behavior improves.  Find them summer activities where they don't interact and have to be together.       

Hannahluvsdogs
by Silver Member on Jun. 4, 2014 at 10:54 AM

It sounds like these boys need some boundaries. Getting mad is okay, saying "I'm gonna kill you" is not. I think family counseling would help you set up rules and consequences for them and help them practice better ways to work out their differences.

karyn9902
by on Jun. 4, 2014 at 11:02 AM

The 9 year old annoys his brother for no reason at all. He calls him names all the time. We punish him by sending him to his room and even spanking him sometimes and nothing seems to work cause he just wont stop. He got the belt a couple times for being mouthy after we sent him to his room and guess what? He still continued to call his brother names when he came out of his room.

They have their own rooms.

They do have activities where they do stuff alone. Baseball. Gymnastics.

But when they get back home there his brother is calling him names. And for no reason at all!

How many times are we supossed to whip him before he stops. It doesnt seem to work.

Quoting lazyd:

No where in your post did you say how you were disciplining your 9yo for his behavior??  I understand there is sibling rivalry, but this has gone on too far & maybe you aren't disciplining either enough??  What is your 12yo doing to his 9yo that the 9yo would call his older brother names n annoy him?  Keep them separated, even if they have to share a bedroom to sleep in at night, if an adult is home, one stays in the living room n one stays in a bedroom during the day.  Or at night, say one of the boys sleeps in his parents bedroom until their behavior improves.  Find them summer activities where they don't interact and have to be together.       


wakymom
by Silver Member on Jun. 4, 2014 at 11:27 AM

 Counseling for both of them, and a change in discipline technique. Obviously spanking the 9 y/o is not working. Every child has their "currency"; you need to find out what it is and use it. Does he love his video game system? Take it away. Does he enjoy spending time on computer games? Take that away. Does he value Pokemon cards, or something else, more than anything else he owns? Take them/it away.

Any change in how you handle this will be met w/ resistance, but hold your ground and do not give in, and they should come around.

Quoting karyn9902:

The 9 year old annoys his brother for no reason at all. He calls him names all the time. We punish him by sending him to his room and even spanking him sometimes and nothing seems to work cause he just wont stop. He got the belt a couple times for being mouthy after we sent him to his room and guess what? He still continued to call his brother names when he came out of his room.

They have their own rooms.

They do have activities where they do stuff alone. Baseball. Gymnastics.

But when they get back home there his brother is calling him names. And for no reason at all!

How many times are we supossed to whip him before he stops. It doesnt seem to work.

Quoting lazyd:

No where in your post did you say how you were disciplining your 9yo for his behavior??  I understand there is sibling rivalry, but this has gone on too far & maybe you aren't disciplining either enough??  What is your 12yo doing to his 9yo that the 9yo would call his older brother names n annoy him?  Keep them separated, even if they have to share a bedroom to sleep in at night, if an adult is home, one stays in the living room n one stays in a bedroom during the day.  Or at night, say one of the boys sleeps in his parents bedroom until their behavior improves.  Find them summer activities where they don't interact and have to be together.       

 

 

 

 

 

Bonita131
by on Jun. 4, 2014 at 10:37 PM

Maybe you should have stepped in a long time ago to nip the name calling and annoying behaviour of your youngest son so it wouldn't have reached this point. As for the note, if that's hasn't set off an alarm in your head that you need to do something about this asap, nothing will.

lisa12121
by Member on Jun. 5, 2014 at 2:47 PM

During 5th grade and through middle school, my son kept a notebook with drawings of bad things happening to the kids he hated (sound worriesome? of course). We looked through the notebook together and talked about the kids, why they bothered him, and what he could do about it. Did he truly want to hurt them? Etc. I think talking about it helped him vent a bit and made me feel more comfortable that he would be okay and not act out. Also at 12, they are fast entering full blown puberty and life gets very hard for them. At 17, my son is a gentle, kind man and never once hurt anyone. However, here are the things you need to do: 1) pull him aside and have a gentle conversation, 2) reduce the contact the boys have to reduce stress, 3) don't leave them alone in the house to run errands, 4) punish your 9 y/o for calling his brother names. And maybe a therapist is not a terrible idea.

karyn9902
by on Jun. 5, 2014 at 5:19 PM
This is good to hear someone that went through this and all was ok. I have set up a counselor for both next week. It is scary seeing notes like that cause u hear so many horror stories in the news.

Quoting lisa12121:

During 5th grade and through middle school, my son kept a notebook with drawings of bad things happening to the kids he hated (sound worriesome? of course). We looked through the notebook together and talked about the kids, why they bothered him, and what he could do about it. Did he truly want to hurt them? Etc. I think talking about it helped him vent a bit and made me feel more comfortable that he would be okay and not act out. Also at 12, they are fast entering full blown puberty and life gets very hard for them. At 17, my son is a gentle, kind man and never once hurt anyone. However, here are the things you need to do: 1) pull him aside and have a gentle conversation, 2) reduce the contact the boys have to reduce stress, 3) don't leave them alone in the house to run errands, 4) punish your 9 y/o for calling his brother names. And maybe a therapist is not a terrible idea.

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