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my daughter still hangs out friends who are with disresepectful, ungrateful, spoiled brats.with attitudes

Posted by on Jun. 8, 2014 at 5:16 PM
  • 6 Replies

My 15 year old daughter STILL doesn't get it that her friends don't deserve her friendship and needs to choose friends who are like her - caring, giving, thoughful, nice and appreciative. non-judgemental, sweet, positive and encouraging. I am waiting for that day  to come. I am an older mom, so it is very difficult for me to keep my mouth shut when those friends are around. What is it going to take to make her see that those friends are not deserving of her friendship? She wants everyone to like her and wants her friends to be happy (puts her needs last)  and doesn't want to rock the boat and never says no to them. she tells me that she can make other friends, but yet she doesn't hang out with them or invite them over.


Coleen62

by on Jun. 8, 2014 at 5:16 PM
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Replies (1-6):
acrogodess
by Lissette on Jun. 8, 2014 at 5:19 PM
I wish I had advice to give. I taught my kids every early on that they should be friends with people who behave the way they're expected to behave. I told them people will judge them by the company they keep and if they want to be thought of as good people then they need to be friends with good people.

My son is high functioning autistic so it took him a little longer to realize he was being used, but by third grade he got the idea of friends are always your friends, not just when you have something they want. He is 13 now. My daughter is 11 and while she loves to liked, she would rather be thought highly of than just be popular.
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coleen62
by New Member on Jun. 8, 2014 at 9:34 PM

Thanks, acrogodess.  What you wrote is good for my daughter to know . What i'm hopng is that someone will ask her why she hangs out with such people and that will make her think about why she is friends with them.

Monsita
by Bronze Member on Jun. 9, 2014 at 6:07 PM
Opposite atraction?

She may like them, because they are exactly the opposite of what she is like.

Just keep on reminding her, how sweet she is and it will be super amazing to have friends that are a little more like herself!!

Best of luck!

Quoting coleen62:

My 15 year old daughter STILL doesn't get it that her friends don't deserve her friendship and needs to choose friends who are like her - caring, giving, thoughful, nice and appreciative. non-judgemental, sweet, positive and encouraging. I am waiting for that day  to come. I am an older mom, so it is very difficult for me to keep my mouth shut when those friends are around. What is it going to take to make her see that those friends are not deserving of her friendship? She wants everyone to like her and wants her friends to be happy (puts her needs last)  and doesn't want to rock the boat and never says no to them. she tells me that she can make other friends, but yet she doesn't hang out with them or invite them over.

Coleen62

butzi
by Member on Jun. 10, 2014 at 1:45 PM
I don't want this to sound like I'm blaming you, because really I am just wondering if this is a possible explanation. Has she watched either you or her father put your need last in relationships? When you think you are being kind and generous, sometimes are you actually doormats? Does she see you put her needs and wants above your needs most of the time? I am just wondering if it could be a learned behavior...
atlmom2
by Susie on Jun. 10, 2014 at 2:33 PM

It is up to her to dump them.  She can make other friends.  Sounds like a low self esteem issue. 

babyof5
by Member on Jun. 10, 2014 at 7:26 PM
Been there and no matter what you say she will need to learn this life lesson on her own. It actually gets easier once she has a few heartbreaks. I was too involved and it didn't matter. She comes to me more now that she makes her choices and sees the outcomes without my interference
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