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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

Is it any of her business?

Posted by on Jun. 10, 2014 at 7:31 PM
  • 11 Replies

 My daughter has a friend.  Just call her "K".  K's family decided to move out of state but K wanted to finish up the last 2 months of school here.  So she house hopped around until she finished and was taken to relatives last weekend.

When it first happened, my younger daughter "friend's" with K's little sister announced on Instagram to "save her daddy, keep him out of jail."  I looked around and found nothing about jail with the family and K said it wasn't true.

Just found out it was.  It was confirmed by the mom who K is staying with.  I looked it up when I got home.  K's dad is indeed in jail.  Apparently there was a raid on the home and he was tipped off to it according to the report.  He destroyed his personal computer and they found another computer in the house.  18 videos and 53 pictures of child porn along with peer to peer software.  He pled guilty to 4 counts of distribution and 4 counts of possession.  K told the mom she's staying with that he was "cured" of this problem and shouldn't be in jail.  K and her 6 sisters (16 is the oldest here) are mourning their dad and feeling like he got the raw end of the deal.  Taking a plea he received 20 years with 16 suspended, 5 years probation and sex offender list.

Now that I know the truth, I am VERY thankful my daughter never went over there.  I'm concerned about the children in the family but figure if there was something going on, social services would have removed them from the home OR he would have been convicted of that. 

So, would you tell your daughter?  K's friend?  The one K has been lieing to the entire time?  Is it her business?

by on Jun. 10, 2014 at 7:31 PM
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Replies (1-10):
diaperstodating
by Angel on Jun. 10, 2014 at 7:35 PM
Yes I would eventually tell her.
atlmom2
by Susie on Jun. 10, 2014 at 7:51 PM

I would tell. 

nana776
by Member on Jun. 10, 2014 at 7:58 PM

No, if I understand your post, there is no danger to the friend so there would be no reason to tell. 

fantasticfour
by Grumpy on Jun. 10, 2014 at 11:39 PM

I don't understand the no danger to the friend.  You mean because K is not in danger you wouldn't tell your daughter about it? 

Quoting nana776:

No, if I understand your post, there is no danger to the friend so there would be no reason to tell. 

 

Msgme
by Bronze Member on Jun. 11, 2014 at 9:20 AM

I would tell my daughter but i would tell her to keep quiet about it and not to bring it up to her friend.   My dd has been in a similiar situation  except the dad was into drugs instead  The daughter would tell everyone her dad went away for work or something.

sahlady
by Gold Member on Jun. 11, 2014 at 9:57 AM
1 mom liked this

i think alot of it would depend on your child's maturity, her willingness to keep information private (unless needed), her level of general compassion, etc.

there are children that I would be confident could handle the information, and others who I wouldnt tell (if there was no danger) because I know at some point in time they would absolutely use it to embarrass the child or in some other vile way towards the girl.

lucky2Beeme
by Gold Member on Jun. 11, 2014 at 10:05 AM

what would be your reason for telling ? I think what K and her sisters are doing is normal. No one wants to admit to having a dad do what he did. I think whether I told my child the truth or not would depnd on their matutiry and IF they came to me and asked.

Hannahluvsdogs
by Bronze Member on Jun. 11, 2014 at 10:30 AM

I agree with this

Quoting sahlady:

i think alot of it would depend on your child's maturity, her willingness to keep information private (unless needed), her level of general compassion, etc.

there are children that I would be confident could handle the information, and others who I wouldnt tell (if there was no danger) because I know at some point in time they would absolutely use it to embarrass the child or in some other vile way towards the girl.


atlmom2
by Susie on Jun. 11, 2014 at 10:44 AM

My girls knew that several of their friends or someone they went to school with had Dad's in jail, or siblings for that matter. 

fantasticfour
by Grumpy on Jun. 11, 2014 at 11:07 PM

 To clear up any confusion, my daughter is still friends with the girl and I wouldn't take that away from her.  K and my daughter have been close for years and this child has been in my house many, many times.  In fact, she almost stayed the summer with me, but her mom is making her leave (made) to go home.

My daughter is very compassionate about her friends.  She cares alot about her friends and has come to me a few times about things "not adding up" with K. 

My only reason for even thinking about telling her is so she could be there for K during the times of hardship.  Be on the lookout for any change of personality that could signal depression and know that it may happen because of what's going on.  K is going through things that I can't imagine and I hate that she's going through it alone.  She should have her friends rallied around her during this time.  But each situation is different and I don't want to step on toes or do something wrong.  My younger daughter knows, the mom she was living with told me right in front of her!

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