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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

When did your kids change?

Posted by on Jun. 11, 2014 at 6:13 PM
  • 16 Replies
I have a 14 year old son and probably between 12 and 13 he stopped saying I love you, good night, and giving hugs.

I also have an 8 year old daughter and a 6 year old daughter. I'm wondering if girls are the same way? Is there an age that my girls will change and be less loving and caring toward me and my husband? I'm worried how much longer I have with my girls. They are so sweet and loving and caring. They love to give hugs, cuddle, say I love you, say good night, and spend time with us.

Please moms of girls tell me if they've changed. If they did change how and when did it happen?
by on Jun. 11, 2014 at 6:13 PM
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by Susie on Jun. 11, 2014 at 6:35 PM
1 mom liked this

I have girls, 20 and 23.  Ours will hug us if we ask.  I see it as them growing into adults and not that they don't love us anymore.  I suspect you will have more conflict in general with your girls than your son.  I know dh didn't have half the conflict I had with them.  Same with me.  I never did with my Dad but I did with my Mom. 

Mine are becoming nice again, and human.  I am so glad to see them come into their own as adults now.  It is rewarding. 

by Member on Jun. 11, 2014 at 6:55 PM
I don't know, the 14 yr old boy has never stopped hugging me or saying that he loves me and I never stopped saying/doing that with my dad.
Not that we don't have arguments or whatever but I think we are just an affectionate bunch. I don't think you can gender it
by Bronze Member on Jun. 11, 2014 at 7:12 PM

They're all different. I have three girls, aged 20, 14 and 12, and two boys, aged 17 and 6.

DS17 always says goodnight, he's not a hugger but it doesn't bother him if DH or I give him a kiss on the head (not that either of us can reach his head unless he is sitting down), DD20 is a hugger, but DD14 isn't, she does tell everyone that she loves them though. DD12 still sits on laps and cuddles up on the couch.

It's just different personalities.

by Bronze Member on Jun. 11, 2014 at 9:26 PM

I think it is just that they want to become independent.  They feel hugging is childish.  My daughters changed almost over night going in to high school.  It was heartbreaking.  It didn't get better until my older daughter got into her early 20's.  She still does things that are frustrating, but she is more caring, now.  She still doesn't like hugs, however.  My younger daughter (17) will not give a hug.  She wants to make her own choices, good or bad, and not be told what to all.  It's like she doesn't care at all, but I think we have to let them figure things out, and in time, they come around again.  I have to say I did get a hug on graduation day just this past Sunday from my younger daughter who graduated.  I won't expect one again until the day she leaves home. 

by on Jun. 12, 2014 at 8:51 AM
My DS is 15 and he hugs me ALL THE TIME. Every. Day. I was an extremely affectionate child and my DS was used to only me until I married my DH 6 years ago. I think its an individual thing. He has stopped calling me Mommy tho. Now Im Mom or Ma.
by Grumpy on Jun. 12, 2014 at 9:29 AM

 Mine never stopped doing that unless they were in trouble.  Even my 25 year old says he loves me, and my 18 year old who was kicked out of the house tells me he loves me when we talk on facebook.

by Member on Jun. 12, 2014 at 11:10 AM

My boys both stopped being loving to me around the same age as yours. About 16, the older one came back and was more interested in doing things with us again. From what I can  tell, the girls stay loving throughout but may push for more independence (my daughter, 10, spends more time in her room now).

by Bronze Member on Jun. 12, 2014 at 11:53 AM

I have 3 girls, 17, 14 and 9.  They all return the 'I love you's', but I'm noticing my 14-year-old is becoming a little less likely to say it. She will sometimes just respond with 'Mmmhmm' and she doesn't always return the I love you when we are texting. They all return hugs but the 2 older ones don't hug with enthusiasm unless they are upset and being consoled (like after a breakup with a boyfriend, which we have gone through twice in the last 3 weeks).  Of course my 9-year-old is still extremely affectionate so I'm enjoying it while it lasts!

by Bronze Member on Jun. 12, 2014 at 1:49 PM

Hormones started kicking in about 9 here. They would be more moody, cry for no reason. Be really angry one second and then so sad the next.

As far as less physical contact? I don't recall with my oldest. There was definately a point where he said, "I can put myself to bed." Maybe 12?

My 3rd son is 13 (14 in August) and he still a cuddle bug. He demands to be "put to bed" every night and loves to drape himself over me on the couch. He's always been that way.

My 2nd son (15) has never been a cuddler. He will tolerate hugs if they are hard hugs..and quick. LOL  He still likes it if we come in and say goodnight when he goes to bed and give him a little "sleep tight" but he doesn't mind if we don't either. Some nights he'll just go to bed without saying anything to anyone and we don't even realize it for a bit.

My daughter is just turned 12. She still wants to be tucked in, hugs and kisses. She still tolerates hugs and sitting together but she doesn't like to be cuddled or touched as much as she used to.

by Silver Member on Jun. 12, 2014 at 3:46 PM

 Ds1, 15, will still give me random hugs, as long as no one he knows is around (the 1 exception is during the Sign of Peace at church; he'll hug me then, and we do see kids he knows there). "I love you" is reserved for sometimes at bedtime, and he does still like me to tuck him in.

Ds2, 10, doesn't say "I love you" as often (never has), but will still give random hugs, sometimes even in front of his friends. This is a huge turn-around from when he was little; until he was about 4, he did not like to give/get hugs. He still likes me to tuck him in.

Dd, 8, still says it, loves to give me hugs, and does not care who is watching. She complains if I do not tuck her in.










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