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Christian help:12yo viewing porn

Posted by on Jun. 18, 2014 at 1:20 PM
  • 13 Replies
Last night, daughter fell asleep w/celly so I grabbed it to put away. It lit up and I saw nude explicit images of random women online. So in shock I tried finding a browser filter but there's no option for it.
Her basic prepaid button phone is the only internet access she has. What do I do? How do I address this issue? She knows how I would feel about it. Having Christian views, I am very much against porn no matter the age or relationship status. If you don't agree, please don't share your thought.
by on Jun. 18, 2014 at 1:20 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Beachdeprived
by Member on Jun. 18, 2014 at 2:25 PM
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Hello! Wow, tough situation. So she is looking at other women on line? Do you think it's out of curiousity about how a woman's body looks versus the sexual side of it? Or perhaps she is watching to learn how to do things.... I have a DD who just turned 13 and I have to believe if I were you in shoes, I would be apt to have a discussion with her. Not a yelling... "Why were you looking at this stuff"...but a heart to heart asking her why she is looking at other women and how she found the sites, etc. I guess depending on the response, I may or may not take her phone away. Whether your Christian or not, I have to believe that a 12 y/o looking at porn is just wrong and very concerning...but I would certainly stress your values to her and let her know how it disappoints you too.

TranquilMind
by Bronze Member on Jun. 18, 2014 at 2:26 PM
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 I would casually ask her why this is on her phone...what was she doing?  Why did she download this?  Does she understand the dangers of porn, and even the legality of accidentally loading something illegal?  I'd take the phone away until she understands that it is to be used properly.

I would talk to her about how Jesus says men are to treat older women as mothers and younger women as sisters with all honor and respect (and is intimate only with a spouse), and that the same is true for women.   

mommyidk
by Member on Jun. 18, 2014 at 7:19 PM
Thank you so much for the responses! Well my dd will be 13 next month and she is developing so I kinda feel that is why she has been viewing the images. Maybe to understand how a women developes. But some of the images showed girl on girl in ways I dont want to imagine. Gosh Degrassi would be rated G compared to this stuff. So I have been kinda distant from her today just stressing on how to bring it up. Not sure if I want to mention it to dh. BTW, she is into boys.
gdiamante
by Bronze Member on Jun. 19, 2014 at 12:13 AM
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Quoting mommyidk: Thank you so much for the responses! Well my dd will be 13 next month and she is developing so I kinda feel that is why she has been viewing the images. Maybe to understand how a women developes. But some of the images showed girl on girl in ways I dont want to imagine. Gosh Degrassi would be rated G compared to this stuff. So I have been kinda distant from her today just stressing on how to bring it up. Not sure if I want to mention it to dh. BTW, she is into boys.

All the more reason to talk with her about it NOW. Has she had basic sex education? If not, past time to do it; this is the sort of thing you want to teach BEFORE a crisis comes. (My Catholic mother made sure I knew what menstruation was by the time I was seven; she'd had her first period at age 10! But she didn't follow up with the rest of the sex talk; I learned that on the school bus, with lots of misinformation.)

san33
by Member on Jun. 19, 2014 at 4:48 PM
This is nothing abnormal. I can only assume at her age she is curious. The images aren't as important as what happens next. Honestly she may have just googled porn and pulled up whatever images came up. Sometimes curiosity gets the best of even the best people. Now is the time to set her up with your morals. Let her explain herself without feeling judged. Then explain to her why you never want to see her on those sites again.
Honestly if it were me I would have a heart to heart with her without involving dad. Not saying that you shouldn't share the info with him but keep the talk between just the two of you. She may be more comfortable and open up a little more.
If it is a body image issue there are other ways to see what is "normal". Maybe her school or doctor office would have suggestions. I know there are educational or even artistic sites that may be helpful.
grandmother-MOM
by New Member on Jun. 19, 2014 at 7:54 PM
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My 12yr. old granddaughter was caught  viewing porn on my computer. Her computer has child-protection on it. Mine didn't!! It does now. She sees a counselor because of her Mom. We called the counselor and she came out and we all sat down and talked. Like you I hate porn!! My granddaughter told the counselor she had heard people at school talk about it and she was curious. She wanted to fit in. The counselor gave us good advice. We let her know that we disappoved of her watching porn. If she was curious she could come to me and talk about anything and I mean anything. That she did not have to do what all the other kids do. To be her own self. We took her computer away for the summer. She only has a phone w/o internet. She was forbidden to use ours and until she earned our trust back...she has to go wherever I go.

I hope this helped a lilttle. Grandmom-mom

fantasticfour
by Grumpy on Jun. 20, 2014 at 3:18 AM

 I would ask her why she was looking at it.  Her answer may surprise you.  Perhaps she doesn't feel comfortable talking about a naked body or sex with you and felt she had to look it up online in order to find out.  As far as you saying if someone has a disagreeing viewpoint don't respond, it just makes me wonder if you are wanting someone to tell you your child is evil.

ejwhite_99
by Bronze Member on Jun. 20, 2014 at 8:54 AM
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Sadly, in today's world more so than in the past, it is such a normal thing for kids to watch porn.  With technology being what it is today and parents being more of a friend to their child than a parent, it's almost an expected thing.  I didn't say accepted, I said expected, big difference.  The fact that your daughter made it to almost 13 is great.  I'm hearing more and more kids getting caught at 10.  My girlfriend whose daughter is 10, had to pick her up from a sleepover early because another little girl was showing the girls porn on her cellphone.  A little boy I watch who is also ten, is just getting off of punishment because he is continually watching it.  Mind you, both kids just turned ten.  There is a good and bad sad to everything and this is the bad in children with cell phones.  It gives them access to a whole new world.  

I wouldn't go overboard with it because it could simply be curiosity and I think in large part, we've all been there before.  I would just use it as an opportunity to talk open and frankly with her.  The fact that she is into boys though, I think I would talk fast because like the first response said, "she could be watching to learn how to do things".  Sex can be such an uncomfortable topic for parent and child alike to discuss so just watching it might be a easier way for your daughter to get answers to some questions she might otherwise be too uncomfortable asking you about.  Its a natural thing, so unless she continues to do this even after you talk to her, I wouldn't lose my head, take her phone and punish her for being curious.  Just talk to her.  I pray its just curiosity.

ejwhite_99
by Bronze Member on Jun. 20, 2014 at 9:00 AM
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I think the OP was just trying to ward off all the people that would bash her because they think she's over reacting about her daughter watching porn and see no problem with it.  That has been known to happen in this blog.  

Quoting fantasticfour:

 I would ask her why she was looking at it.  Her answer may surprise you.  Perhaps she doesn't feel comfortable talking about a naked body or sex with you and felt she had to look it up online in order to find out.  As far as you saying if someone has a disagreeing viewpoint don't respond, it just makes me wonder if you are wanting someone to tell you your child is evil.


mommyidk
by Member on Jun. 20, 2014 at 12:55 PM
Thank you gals again for the advice. @ejwhite thank you....I couldn't help but cry a little after reading your sincerity. So last nght, aftr a few games of pool, I cnfrntd her. Basically I let her know that I knew, that I was hurt & dsppntd. How porn can be very addictive & the dif. ways it ruins people/families. Much more was said but I didn't want to put her on the spot by asking why. It ended with her not having her phone during the night time nor in the bathroom. And I also told her that I didn't mention it to dad. Maybe I should've given her a chance to talk, but I didn't want embarrass her any more. Well, lets see how today goes!
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