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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

Fair curfew for a17 year-old high school graduate??

Posted by on Jun. 19, 2014 at 8:31 AM
  • 54 Replies

My daughter is 17 and just graduated from high school.  She was a self- described introvert until recently when she started dating her boyfriend. I'm glad she is going out and spending time with other kids her age but I feel like we are always arguing about curfews. We ask that she be in by 11 on week nights and midnight on the weekend unless there is something special going on--then we would stretch it until 1 on the weekend. My husband and I get up at 6 during the week and I need to know she is home and safe before I can go to sleep. She basically told me last night I am ruining  her life and everyone stays out later than she does. I would love to hear what other people do about curfews. Like I said, she already graduated but won't be 18 until October. She will be commuting to a local University in the fall.  When I lived at home I had a curfew, which I think was the same one we have given her, and that was until I moved out at 21. We trust our daughter but we would like to be able to sleep too. 

by on Jun. 19, 2014 at 8:31 AM
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Replies (1-10):
atlmom2
by Susie on Jun. 19, 2014 at 9:11 AM
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Well, as a mom you need to start learning that they may not be in the door before you go to bed and have to learn to go to sleep before they are home.  Its just a thing parents have to get used to.  Mine didn't have that strict of curfew but they were 18 in January and May of their senior year.  It is your house, your rules.  I just think they are a little too strict and you need to learn not to worry so much. If you really trust her, you need to trust her.  I never had a curfew after HS.  I did have to give approx time I would be home.  Heck I was out later than midnight in HS some.  I guess it was a different time too.  You are putting your needs of sleep above your daughter.  It is part of parenting to loosen up.  During HS you have to start sleeping if they are not home and not worrying so much.  After they are adults you have to realize and trust them to make good decisions.  Sheis young for her grade but many in her grade have been 18 for a year now.  I can't believe you gave that strict of curfew to a 20 and 21 year old.  This is coming from a Mom of a 23 and a 20 year old daughters.

my2kidsmom9498
by Bronze Member on Jun. 19, 2014 at 9:19 AM
1 mom liked this

My 20 year old still has a curfew when home.  It is a matter of respect. I am sure that the state, county and or town have curfews for minors, which will apply to her until her 18th birthday. 

DawnPratt23
by on Jun. 19, 2014 at 9:21 AM
My oldest turned 18 in April and still doesnt act like a little shit. He respects our rules, and I havent needed to set a curfew. When he gets a job, he will be coming home when the shift is done. Thankfully he is an introvert, only interested in High school and college classes. He learned from hubby and I through example to respect others wishes when at their homes. She is still a minor and it doesnt matter what others are doing or not, she needs to respect your house, your rules. Ask her if they drove drunk would she? Is she her own person or just follow the crowd type?
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atlmom2
by Susie on Jun. 19, 2014 at 9:24 AM

It is a respect issue.  After OP's daughter is 18 if she says I am coming home at 1am that is respect.  She said when she would be coming home.  Why does it have to be 11 or midnight? The OP said she kept strict rules for her 20 and 21 year old too.  That is a little beyond strict I say.  All in all it is their home and their rules. I would just move out myself.  I am glad my parents trusted me and even in HS I was allowed freedom and I was a good kid and not in trouble. 

DawnPratt23
by on Jun. 19, 2014 at 9:28 AM
1 mom liked this
Hubby is 43, and I'm 39, when we visit relatives we respect their curfew.

Quoting my2kidsmom9498:

My 20 year old still has a curfew when home.  It is a matter of respect. I am sure that the state, county and or town have curfews for minors, which will apply to her until her 18th birthday. 

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gabyangy
by Member on Jun. 19, 2014 at 9:31 AM

I have two girls 19 and 20 year old and they really have no curfew as long as when they are out I can find them on the app "Find my Friends"  than if I wake up in the middle of the night and notice that they are not home I can just check the app.  This summer only the 20 year old is at home since the 19 year old decided to do summer school and their school is 6 hours away.   

atlmom2
by Susie on Jun. 19, 2014 at 9:34 AM

That is different, just visiting.  This is daily which each year a curfew should be allowed later and later to me.  It is a trust/control issue on the parents part.  I am not saying every night but there is no reason why a 18, 19, 20 year old can't be out till 1am on weekends.

Quoting DawnPratt23: Hubby is 43, and I'm 39, when we visit relatives we respect their curfew.
Quoting my2kidsmom9498:

My 20 year old still has a curfew when home.  It is a matter of respect. I am sure that the state, county and or town have curfews for minors, which will apply to her until her 18th birthday. 


atlmom2
by Susie on Jun. 19, 2014 at 9:39 AM

I would couch surf and spend the night with friends often so I wouldn't have to be home. 

Maime13
by Bronze Member on Jun. 19, 2014 at 9:49 AM
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I haven't really crossed this threshold yet and I don't know when I will. LOL 

I can say that I never had a curfew when I was young. My Mom's only request (and this was in the days before cell phones) was that she knew where I was and who I was with. It was expected that I would give her a general time that I would return and that if that was to change, I would contact her well in advance of that time. To me, that seems fair and reasonable. I was always a responsible, trust worth person and my parents treated me as such. I have always tried to extend that courtesy to my children.

My oldest is 17 and just graduated. He will not be 18 until March, long after he's gone away to college. He is the exception in that he does not have a driver's license. If he goes somewhere a lot of the time we are dropping him off and picking him up. If it's something that is going to last awhile, he will generally spend the night with a friend whose parents share our general philosophies about teens, driving, staying out, etc.

This is your DD's summer to have fun and enjoy before she has to buckle down and get serious with college. If it were my son, I would be more flexible. I'm not saying I would condone him being out at all hours, all the time. But he would have a house key and I would try to treat him with respect and as a responsible person. If he abused that freedom or it interferred with him being a functioning, productive citizen..then we'd have to re-evaluate. I think midnight on weekdays and 1am on weekends, with the allowance of exceptions for special circumstances, is more reasonable. Just because you have a curfew doesn't mean you need to stay out every night.

I do not think what you are asking is totally unreasonable for the short term, but once she starts college it's a little tight IMO. Honestly, it's not reasonable to expect her to be home before you go to bed until she graduates college. After she turns 18, you might end up with a battle on your hands if that's your DD's temperment. You have to decide if this is a line worth drawing. Kids have moved out onto their own over less.

lucky2Beeme
by Gold Member on Jun. 19, 2014 at 10:00 AM
1 mom liked this

Once mine graduated HS we stopped having curfews. They were required to be up and at work on time. Its on them they are now grown. You have brought her up. raised her right and she needs to test the waters before going off to college.

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