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My daughter is so distant from me

Posted by on Jul. 11, 2014 at 12:51 AM
  • 15 Replies
My youngest went to live with her dad when she was 13. Our relationship had struggled over the years but I've tried so hard to keep the relationship close. There was a period where she didn't speak to me for 6-7 months. She finally. Started talking to me again and it seems to be good. It's been about five months now and I wanted to start reestabliahing my overnight visits with her but when I mention it she shuts down and shuts me out. She finally told me she's not comfortable with doing overnight visits and just wants to keep it like it is. On one hand I'm happy we are talking and seeing each other but I'm also terribly hurt she's not comfortable with overnight visits. She's 16 now, will be 17 in Nov. will it always be like this? Is this just teenager stuff? I'm so confused.
by on Jul. 11, 2014 at 12:51 AM
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Replies (1-10):
outtamymynd
by Member on Jul. 11, 2014 at 12:53 AM
There must be a reason she feels this way. Did something happen?
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hobobaby
by Member on Jul. 11, 2014 at 12:55 AM
Nothing that I can think of and she's so walled off she won't tell me.

Quoting outtamymynd: There must be a reason she feels this way. Did something happen?
hobobaby
by Member on Jul. 11, 2014 at 12:59 AM
It's so confusing bc on one hand she said she wanted to go with me to go visit her sister for the weekend in Austin so that would have been overnights with me.

I can't help think her dad has a hand in this. He has been hell bent on turning her against me. I've seen texts he sent her saying "don't be talking to your mom" and he's take her phone away when she used to try to contact me when she was younger. I don't know what all he's told her.

Quoting hobobaby: Nothing that I can think of and she's so walled off she won't tell me.

Quoting outtamymynd: There must be a reason she feels this way. Did something happen?
beckyv1972
by on Jul. 11, 2014 at 8:38 AM

 

Quoting hobobaby: My youngest went to live with her dad when she was 13. Our relationship had struggled over the years but I've tried so hard to keep the relationship close. There was a period where she didn't speak to me for 6-7 months. She finally. Started talking to me again and it seems to be good. It's been about five months now and I wanted to start reestabliahing my overnight visits with her but when I mention it she shuts down and shuts me out. She finally told me she's not comfortable with doing overnight visits and just wants to keep it like it is. On one hand I'm happy we are talking and seeing each other but I'm also terribly hurt she's not comfortable with overnight visits. She's 16 now, will be 17 in Nov. will it always be like this? Is this just teenager stuff? I'm so confused.

 Morning. Yes its normal for them to distant themselves from even their own parents. I have two teen girls, one is 17, graduated and moved in with her bf/parents. She distanced herself from her dad (he used to lie to her, make promises not keep them and bribe her when she was little) now that she is not under my roof she has started distancing herself from me. Yes its very hard, espec. because I see how she doesnt include him in anything (she didnt invite him to her hs graduation) im very afraid she will not include me in special things that happen through out the rest of her life now. Hang in there, and best of luck.

hobobaby
by Member on Jul. 11, 2014 at 8:41 AM
Thanks!! I'm sooo close with my other daughter so it's hard not to want to be close to this one!!

Quoting beckyv1972:

 


Quoting hobobaby: My youngest went to live with her dad when she was 13. Our relationship had struggled over the years but I've tried so hard to keep the relationship close. There was a period where she didn't speak to me for 6-7 months. She finally. Started talking to me again and it seems to be good. It's been about five months now and I wanted to start reestabliahing my overnight visits with her but when I mention it she shuts down and shuts me out. She finally told me she's not comfortable with doing overnight visits and just wants to keep it like it is. On one hand I'm happy we are talking and seeing each other but I'm also terribly hurt she's not comfortable with overnight visits. She's 16 now, will be 17 in Nov. will it always be like this? Is this just teenager stuff? I'm so confused.

 Morning. Yes its normal for them to distant themselves from even their own parents. I have two teen girls, one is 17, graduated and moved in with her bf/parents. She distanced herself from her dad (he used to lie to her, make promises not keep them and bribe her when she was little) now that she is not under my roof she has started distancing herself from me. Yes its very hard, espec. because I see how she doesnt include him in anything (she didnt invite him to her hs graduation) im very afraid she will not include me in special things that happen through out the rest of her life now. Hang in there, and best of luck.

beckyv1972
by on Jul. 11, 2014 at 8:41 AM

 

Quoting hobobaby: It's so confusing bc on one hand she said she wanted to go with me to go visit her sister for the weekend in Austin so that would have been overnights with me. I can't help think her dad has a hand in this. He has been hell bent on turning her against me. I've seen texts he sent her saying "don't be talking to your mom" and he's take her phone away when she used to try to contact me when she was younger. I don't know what all he's told her.
Quoting hobobaby: Nothing that I can think of and she's so walled off she won't tell me.
Quoting outtamymynd: There must be a reason she feels this way. Did something happen?

 Do you have a CO? Courts dont like when parents play those kind of games with childrens heads.

beckyv1972
by on Jul. 11, 2014 at 8:47 AM

 

Quoting hobobaby: Thanks!! I'm sooo close with my other daughter so it's hard not to want to be close to this one!!
Quoting beckyv1972:

 

Quoting hobobaby: My youngest went to live with her dad when she was 13. Our relationship had struggled over the years but I've tried so hard to keep the relationship close. There was a period where she didn't speak to me for 6-7 months. She finally. Started talking to me again and it seems to be good. It's been about five months now and I wanted to start reestabliahing my overnight visits with her but when I mention it she shuts down and shuts me out. She finally told me she's not comfortable with doing overnight visits and just wants to keep it like it is. On one hand I'm happy we are talking and seeing each other but I'm also terribly hurt she's not comfortable with overnight visits. She's 16 now, will be 17 in Nov. will it always be like this? Is this just teenager stuff? I'm so confused.

 Morning. Yes its normal for them to distant themselves from even their own parents. I have two teen girls, one is 17, graduated and moved in with her bf/parents. She distanced herself from her dad (he used to lie to her, make promises not keep them and bribe her when she was little) now that she is not under my roof she has started distancing herself from me. Yes its very hard, espec. because I see how she doesnt include him in anything (she didnt invite him to her hs graduation) im very afraid she will not include me in special things that happen through out the rest of her life now. Hang in there, and best of luck.

 I hear you. I am cusdotial parent, but she has never been a lovie dovie child even with me growing up. I always warned her father to stop what he was doing to her and he never listened, she has nothing to do with him now. My situation with her stems from her bf and his parents which is why I think she is pushing me away now. They all want to be so independent at teenages, but where do they usually run back to when something goes wrong for them? MOM!!!!

hobobaby
by Member on Jul. 11, 2014 at 8:47 AM
Yep! Hired a lawyer and nothing happened. They told me there's no law against being a bad father.

I've been screwed around enormously!! They also say with her being a teenager she gets to choose if she wants to go on her visitations or not. I asked why did I pay to get a court order FOR visitation then??? Bc as far as I know HEs the one saying she can't go!!

Quoting beckyv1972:

 


Quoting hobobaby: It's so confusing bc on one hand she said she wanted to go with me to go visit her sister for the weekend in Austin so that would have been overnights with me. I can't help think her dad has a hand in this. He has been hell bent on turning her against me. I've seen texts he sent her saying "don't be talking to your mom" and he's take her phone away when she used to try to contact me when she was younger. I don't know what all he's told her.
Quoting hobobaby: Nothing that I can think of and she's so walled off she won't tell me.
Quoting outtamymynd: There must be a reason she feels this way. Did something happen?

 Do you have a CO? Courts dont like when parents play those kind of games with childrens heads.

hobobaby
by Member on Jul. 11, 2014 at 8:51 AM
I thought for sure she would be running back to me but she went 6-7 months without speaking to me. It's so confusing. Maybe she's confused herself. When we are together she gives me great big hugs and says she loves me but then when we are apart she's so distant!! Yet sometimes she'll text me to say goodnight and that she loves me. Ugh!!

Quoting beckyv1972:

 


Quoting hobobaby: Thanks!! I'm sooo close with my other daughter so it's hard not to want to be close to this one!!
Quoting beckyv1972:

 


Quoting hobobaby: My youngest went to live with her dad when she was 13. Our relationship had struggled over the years but I've tried so hard to keep the relationship close. There was a period where she didn't speak to me for 6-7 months. She finally. Started talking to me again and it seems to be good. It's been about five months now and I wanted to start reestabliahing my overnight visits with her but when I mention it she shuts down and shuts me out. She finally told me she's not comfortable with doing overnight visits and just wants to keep it like it is. On one hand I'm happy we are talking and seeing each other but I'm also terribly hurt she's not comfortable with overnight visits. She's 16 now, will be 17 in Nov. will it always be like this? Is this just teenager stuff? I'm so confused.

 Morning. Yes its normal for them to distant themselves from even their own parents. I have two teen girls, one is 17, graduated and moved in with her bf/parents. She distanced herself from her dad (he used to lie to her, make promises not keep them and bribe her when she was little) now that she is not under my roof she has started distancing herself from me. Yes its very hard, espec. because I see how she doesnt include him in anything (she didnt invite him to her hs graduation) im very afraid she will not include me in special things that happen through out the rest of her life now. Hang in there, and best of luck.


 I hear you. I am cusdotial parent, but she has never been a lovie dovie child even with me growing up. I always warned her father to stop what he was doing to her and he never listened, she has nothing to do with him now. My situation with her stems from her bf and his parents which is why I think she is pushing me away now. They all want to be so independent at teenages, but where do they usually run back to when something goes wrong for them? MOM!!!!

beckyv1972
by on Jul. 11, 2014 at 8:56 AM

 

Quoting hobobaby: Yep! Hired a lawyer and nothing happened. They told me there's no law against being a bad father. I've been screwed around enormously!! They also say with her being a teenager she gets to choose if she wants to go on her visitations or not. I asked why did I pay to get a court order FOR visitation then??? Bc as far as I know HEs the one saying she can't go!!
Quoting beckyv1972:

 

Quoting hobobaby: It's so confusing bc on one hand she said she wanted to go with me to go visit her sister for the weekend in Austin so that would have been overnights with me. I can't help think her dad has a hand in this. He has been hell bent on turning her against me. I've seen texts he sent her saying "don't be talking to your mom" and he's take her phone away when she used to try to contact me when she was younger. I don't know what all he's told her.
Quoting hobobaby: Nothing that I can think of and she's so walled off she won't tell me.
Quoting outtamymynd: There must be a reason she feels this way. Did something happen?

 Do you have a CO? Courts dont like when parents play those kind of games with childrens heads.

 Wrong and right. As there is no law for being a bad parent the judges do not like or permit bashing the other parent (my DH's ex got reprimanded by judge and could be held in contempt if she did not stop bashing my DH to the kids) Unfortunately yes she is of age to decide if she wants to have visitation, you are soooo right that they shouldnt give you hope by making a CO for visitation if the court wont uphold it.

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