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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

new and looking for advice

Posted by on Jul. 11, 2014 at 4:30 PM
  • 6 Replies
We just recently gained a teenager. My 14 yr old cousin came to live with us in April. The whole point of her being here is to give her a better home environment and social group. Sometimes she seems happy to be here and is ok. And then we see things on fb where she tells her friends we're overprotective and she hates it here. I'm not sure whether she's just trying to keep up whatever reputation she has with her friends back home or if she's being honest with them. She tends to try to NOT have fun, even when she is. I don't get it. I guess my real question is, how do we help her figure out who SHE is, what she likes, instead of just trying to fit into whatever group she's with. One day she claims to be "emo", then she's an "atheist" but has no answers when we try to talk to her about it. Its just the way the kids she used to hang out with were.
by on Jul. 11, 2014 at 4:30 PM
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Replies (1-6):
atlmom2
by Susie on Jul. 11, 2014 at 4:40 PM

I would just keep asking her how things are and try and do things she likes to do and make sure she is having some fun.  Make sure she knows to be herself and doesn't have to fit the mold of others.  If she was taken out of a bad situation was she ever in counseling??

arkansasmama08
by New Member on Jul. 11, 2014 at 5:07 PM
Yes, but wouldn't cooperate. She starts it again here next week. I know she's mad that she's away from her friends and all but it was ger friends that got her into drugs, smoking and drinking.

Quoting atlmom2:

I would just keep asking her how things are and try and do things she likes to do and make sure she is having some fun.  Make sure she knows to be herself and doesn't have to fit the mold of others.  If she was taken out of a bad situation was she ever in counseling??

atlmom2
by Susie on Jul. 11, 2014 at 5:15 PM

Well if she goes at least she can listen.  Even if she won't say anything she can be on the listening end.  Well, I understand why she needs to be away from those kind of friend and she needs to understand that. 

Quoting arkansasmama08: Yes, but wouldn't cooperate. She starts it again here next week. I know she's mad that she's away from her friends and all but it was ger friends that got her into drugs, smoking and drinking.
Quoting atlmom2:

I would just keep asking her how things are and try and do things she likes to do and make sure she is having some fun.  Make sure she knows to be herself and doesn't have to fit the mold of others.  If she was taken out of a bad situation was she ever in counseling??


fantasticfour
by Grumpy on Jul. 12, 2014 at 4:52 PM

 The next time you guys want to go do something, ask her what she would like to do since she will be going.  If she wants to be emo or something, that's fine and tell her so, but tell her if she is going to be something she will be asked questions because you may not know alot about it and would like to get to know her more.

gdiamante
by Bronze Member on Jul. 13, 2014 at 8:53 PM

The counseling will help. I also wonder about these friends she's complaining to... are these some of the ones you mention here, that got her into drugs, smoking and drinking? If so, then should she still be in contact with them at all? I'm hesitant to say you should cut her off but then again I'm thinking that things aren't going to get better if she's still hanging with the wrong crowd, even if it's only online. 

Is she staying with you into the school year?

Quoting arkansasmama08: Yes, but wouldn't cooperate. She starts it again here next week. I know she's mad that she's away from her friends and all but it was ger friends that got her into drugs, smoking and drinking.
Quoting atlmom2:

I would just keep asking her how things are and try and do things she likes to do and make sure she is having some fun.  Make sure she knows to be herself and doesn't have to fit the mold of others.  If she was taken out of a bad situation was she ever in counseling??


arkansasmama08
by New Member on Jul. 13, 2014 at 10:22 PM
Yes, same kids. And no, I don't like her talking to them either. But, it doesn't seem fair to take away her fb, though we have discussed it. We're hoping that giving her a stable environment, better friends, and better relationships will end up in her cutting ties herself when she sees the difference.

Quoting gdiamante:

The counseling will help. I also wonder about these friends she's complaining to... are these some of the ones you mention here, that got her into drugs, smoking and drinking? If so, then should she still be in contact with them at all? I'm hesitant to say you should cut her off but then again I'm thinking that things aren't going to get better if she's still hanging with the wrong crowd, even if it's only online. 

Is she staying with you into the school year?

Quoting arkansasmama08: Yes, but wouldn't cooperate. She starts it again here next week. I know she's mad that she's away from her friends and all but it was ger friends that got her into drugs, smoking and drinking.

Quoting atlmom2:

I would just keep asking her how things are and try and do things she likes to do and make sure she is having some fun.  Make sure she knows to be herself and doesn't have to fit the mold of others.  If she was taken out of a bad situation was she ever in counseling??

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