Son, a month away from 16, and GF, 18 have been lying to both sets of parents.
DS, 15 started dating an 18 yr. old girl, after going to her senior prom with her. We allowed him to go, under our own rules that he had to be home at midnight and I would be picking him up. We thought that would be it, and there wouldn't be anything after that...our son has ben extremely picky and hasn't dated anyone before.
Turns out they hit it off and he wanted to go to the beach with her the next day. We had discussed this possibility and decided it would be ok. Everyone who knows this girl had said what an awesome girl she is, responsible and smart...never dated all through HS. Off to college in the fall. Many know her mom and she is on the school board in our town. Nice family.
Our son wanted to continue to date her and I began to trust them based on their behavior during prom and after. She drives and they began to go on dates maybe once a week. Went to the movies and for ice cream, she came ove here to swim and have dinner, he went to a couple of supervised grad parties, and to her house when parents were home. (discussed this with her mom and we both agreed this was the rule)
DS and I had talked about not getting too overinvolved, and maybe they were spending time too much time one on one and it might be better if they did more things out in public....we could see this was becoming more physical just by the way they looked at each other, and from a couple messages I saw on his phone. he knows I look at it from time to time, and I have been up front about that.
They have been texting non-stop and his interests had begun to be about her only.
Turns out that last week they were supposed to be going out to lunch, and when she picked him up, they went to a field nearby our house and had intercourse. He knew that when he came home that afternon he was supposed to mow the lawn, but sat in a chair and said he needed a nap. I told him that if he was mature enough to go to lunch with his gf, he needed to be mature enought to do what he was asked.
The next day (we still were unaware of the goings on) he wanted to go to the mall with her. She picked him up and apparently went back to her house and again had sex.
Still we were unaware.
Then he went to meet his buddies at the mall, and sleep over one of their houses which they do frequently, and I found out that he texted her to meet them at the mall and hang out with them. Thinking about it now, i feel that he wanted them to meet the awesome girl he was in love and having sex with, show her off.
I had a feeling something was up because he'd been secretive with the phone, so I looked at the messages and there was still enough info there to incriminate them both.
I told him I was dissapointed that he was engaging in potentially risky behavior so fast (they've only been dating for 2 months) and hurt that he lied. I understand why he lied, but that still doesn't make it ok.
I told him I have lost trust in him and he will need to rebuild that trust, then I texted her mom, who was surprised and felt the same way ablout the lying. Her daughter is 18, so I think she's less surprised about them having sex. She said her DD was crying uncontrollably and is so afraid they will not be able to see each again.
I have taken his phone away for an undetermined amount of time (obviously it's been abused and used for scheming) and her mom has taken away her car access except for work and will be holding her to account for every minute using it. My DH and I have decided they may see each other under supervised or public situations only. She is leaving at the end of August for college and won't return home for 3 months. Our son will be beginning his junior year. We love them both, but feel they have to have consequences for the lying...
Not sre if we are doing the right thing, but I have seen my son go from good natured to almost obsessed in 2 months.